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PinkSurfer
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Name: Rosie
Birthday: 2/14/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: music * the color pink * violin * percussion *athletic medicine * kinesiology * the beach * color/winter guard * traveling * baking/cooking * exploring los angeles with friends * enjoying eating at los angeles restaurants
Expertise: organizing * saying inappropriate but comical things * remembering the random * falling asleep at my desk at night * being rosie
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  pennyguins
Member Since:
4/23/2003
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| Just for once, I want to be in what is called "The Know".
I want to know what is going on in people's heads, what they are thinking.
But... to a limited amount. If I knew EVERYTHING they were thinking, then that would be way too much!
I do want to know what affects me.
It's like...
I want to know what *I* want to know.
Just once... I want to know that I'm not wasting energy...
I know I'm not wasting energy, either way,
But I don't want to waste something that is precious.
It's precious in that it doesn't come around all the time.
It's precious because I put value into it.
It's precious because it's tailored just for this.
It's cut up, sewn up, seamed up, ironed and shined just for this.
I thought I put enough effort into it...
Maybe this is because I haven't put enough into it.
Maybe I'm not conveying the right message.
But the worst thing in my mind, the worst thing that could happen, isn't wasted energy...
It's disappointment...
Once you go in, once you put that foot forward, there are only two ending options...
Something new, a beautiful thing, born
or... I don't even want to think about the other option.
This is fun, not being in "The Know."
I'm being honest, I'm being real!
I wouldn't lie here.
When you're not in "The Know", you spend a lot of energy trying to reach "The Know."
It's fun trying to get in that circle of knowing!
It's the pursuit that is valued... the pursuit of knowledge is such an important journey to take, because without that journey...
If you're just all of a sudden in "The Know" without the initial pursuit, "The Know" is worthless.
The pursuit brings value and respect to "The Know."
I wouldn't give up the pursuit to be in "The Know."
The question on my mind is...
When is the pursuit over?
I'm aching to be in "THE KNOW." | | |
| I don't understand this. I feel weepy. I don't like feeling weepy, but for the past week and a half I've felt weepy. Weepy and sick. Sick to my stomach because my feelings of anxiety and nervousness transposes onto my health. Does that make sense? I hate this. I really do. I cry at the dumbest commercials, I cry when I have to say good-bye to people... I just hate being so weepy.
School's starting up again. Gotta perk it up. | | |
| So the night before last night was think tank. again, for the second week in a row, it was a RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME night! it was so much fun... ohhh, the bunnies... hehe. :o)
Anyway. so of course I didn't want to ask the only question I had left in my notebook of think tank questions, and I didn't think of alternative questions till after the fact! I do not want to forget them, plus, if anyone has any plausible solutions to offer, that would be swell too.
1. How can I become less of a neurotic perfectionist?
CONTEXT: I am a perfectionist. I like things neat and orderly. Apparently all of my friends know that, take notice of it, and they get "scared" if they "ruin" something i have perfected, like a folded blanket on my couch, or my alphabetized DVDs. Everything I do, from folding clothes, to cooking, to writing, is done as perfectly as I can. I do NOT want it to rule my life, nor scare off others, so... how do I do it?
2. crap crap crap... I forgot this one... CRAP! It was SO GOOD, too! how can I forget it in less than a minute? Okay, I HAVE to remember it... let me jog my memory...
I know it was a personal problem. It directly affe... OH!! GOT IT!!
Take two!
2. Why is it that when a girl gets a boyfriend, her friends take a backseat?
CONTEXT: Typically, when a girl gets a boyfriend, she does not hang out with her friends as much, she doesn't call, she doesn't stay at the apartment/home anymore, she's always out with him and never with her friends... she takes a less-involved role in her closest friends' lives, etc. On the flip side, with guys, I do not feel that it is the same. Not at all, in fact. Guys will always have their guy friends. They will always hang out with "The Boys". Why is this so? (This is a generalization... I'm not saying ALL girls do this!)
Okay. Now... let's think. | | |
| Here are some random thoughts that have crossed my mind:
1. I am a complete sucker for guys who play with little babies or toddlers... if I see a picture of a guy or I see him in person holding a baby or interacting with a cute baby somehow, then I melt!
2. I've just begun to understand how tiring it is to work a 40 hour week, plus going out at night!
3. I will never get to sit in the backseat of my car! (Like heck I'd let anyone drive it but me. :O) )
4. I use exclamation marks a lot!
5. Driving aggressively on the 110 north freeway before the 101 is NOT an option!
6. It is invigorating to listen to what people are excited and passionate about. It gives you an energy that you cannot get elsewhere.
7. Teaching your passion to at least one person is something everyone should do.
8. Hearing certain songs rush memories full-force back into my mind; suddenly I remember sights, smells, people... I can take my mind back to that moment and feel exactly what I was feeling at the time. My heart flutters until it's found how it beat at that moment in time.
9. Keeping busy keeps me alive.
10. I found my place, but I'm still looking for my rhythm. | | |
| I
am very much thoroughly happy! I couldn't have been happier. Wellll...
I would be a tad happier if I could hurry up and get a car, but I'm
working on that! My contacts are working on that! :o)
But
anyway, lately I've been stressed about money, cars, and relying on
other people. I'm worried about getting a car and how slow it's taking,
about paying for it, about getting a car that won't cost me a lot of
trouble, about how driving in Los Angeles on on the freeways by myself,
about summer school and praying my financial aid goes through ('SC
isn't cheap!), and about being wise with my money, going to the grocery
store on my beach cruiser and having to buy the bare minimum because
I'm not a camel and thus cannot carry everything I need back with me,
and I am not the one to ask for help with anything.
That's
another thing: asking for help. I absolutely detest asking for help. I
do it when I absolutely need to, like a ride to Mosaic or an event that
I really would like to attend and I know someone else is going as well.
Or I ask for prayer (that doesn't cost any money!). But I absolutely
hate asking for any other kind of help. And the funny thing is, I am
willing to give myself 200% to other people, to help them out. I am
more than willing, I *want* to help people. It's an oxymoron: someone
who hates asking for help but loves to give it.
Not to mention,
I feel like lately I've been having a sign, invisible to me, that reads
"Please hit on me and give me unwanted gross invitations!" Because I've
gotten cat calls, whistles, random creepy/slimy guys hitting on me, and
it's frustrating me. I'm frustrated with the guys who feel as if they
can say whatever they want to a girl they do not know and then expect
the girl to respond postively. It doesn't work that way!! And I'm sick
of it.
Anyway, I've been stressed to the max, and on top of it,
I'm taking a trip to New Orleans this summer with some people from MTN
(Mosaic Trojan Network, if you will!) and it's going to cost each of us
close to $600. Theoretically, I can pay for it all myself, but it's
going to put a dent in my pocket... so, I've been writing fundraising
letters to family and friends asking for their support on missions
trip. (We're helping those devestated by Hurricane Katrina). Please
don't get me wrong, I am ECSTATIC about going on this trip. This is
something that has been placed on my heart for a very long time. I'm
excited to go and help!
So yesterday. Yesterday, after biking back from
the local Ralph's, I picked up my mail, got to my apartment and plopped
down in anguish. I open the mail and see that I got back some
fundraising letters... and counting what my cousin mailed me last week,
I have now received $510 from the letters I sent out! Isn't that just
amazing? I actually teared up and laughed at the same time. Wow, God is
SO GOOD! I've been praying about this for suuuuuuch a long time, since
I knew I was going on this trip. And God helped provide. My family
helped provide. :o)
And that is why I am so happy. And I know
things are going to keep going up up up up up... and this summer is
going to be great! :o)
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