I. Stresses Education and responsibility in understanding the issues and learning how to handle them.
II. Categorized links to help meet specific needs

I. Domestic/Political Abuses/Murder - Global Problem

First, A Little About Abuse Over Religion
(Skip Sections According to Interest)

Domestic abuse crosses all social, religious, economic and other boundaries.  It's not just a Muslim, Pagan, or
Christian problem (someone else’s!).   (Related: Should We Call People Out For Their Crazy Beliefs?) 

Many times I've said:

"There is no belief set or religion (organized or not, it matters little) exempt from
the criminal, insane, stupid, or embarrassing."

"There is no religion exempt from the harmful, criminal, insane, or stupid in its midst."

Could say that same thing on too many (!) other occasions.

Even so, we continue to see news titles that scream "Sex Witch," "Pagan Ritual," or the likes of those about 
Teresa Gilman, who stands accused of murdering her son while most probably on drugs and most likely quite
mentally ill, and who babbled about God and Satan while in custody, but whose DA and investigators seemed
more and way too interested in if she ever took library books on Wicca (the biblical God and Satan do not
exist in that theology, by the way).

A meme that's popped up in journalism, the police force, politics, and the prison system is that since some
prisoners are Pagan, then naturally Paganism incites or encourages violence/crime.

Another meme is to sound the alarm that Satanists/Pagans (as if these are interchangeable) are sacrificing cats 
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoosadism ), though evidence of cult involvement is repeatedly not found, 
rather than educate regarding the fact that people who hurt and kill animals may do the same to people. 
Serial killers often started out on animals.  Domestic abusers often maim and/or kill animals too. 
My abusive ex used to mistreat animals and even tortured ground squirrels.  He was not Pagan
or interested in "the occult."

It's also wrong to conclude that the random nut involved in the occult means that Paganism is nutty -- 
really faulty logic.

It's also wrong to subtly switch from "radicals" (or things radical/alternate) to not just anarchists but
"Pagan" anarchists (as if representative of Paganism) that are bent on setting stations on fire, specifically.

Emotional Abuse May Include (But is Not Limited to):

•  Ridiculing individuals/religions for less than fair, educational, or constructive criticism purposes.
• Denigrating/marginalizing individuals/religions for not living up to impossible perfection/purity, else
  they are "all wrong." Similar to how women are bullied via the Madonna Whore complex or how some
  abusive people try to keep their kids in line. Often accompanied by fabricated "accounts" of misdeeds.
• Failing to appropriately clarify/inform while putting the other individual/religion on the offensive.
  
  The likes of the above are usually mentioned in discussions of the Power and Control Wheels
  (linked to below) that are used to educate about domestic abuse. (Example: See paragraph H.) 
  Obviously, applications also exist at large, and that hurts us all, Pagan, Christian, Muslim, agnostic...

Pagans Are Just as Concerned About Abuse, For Example, See:

Advocate Web
Information on abuse perpetrated by professionals/clergy in positions of power, authority, and trust.
http://www.advocateweb.org/

MoonDragon's Domestic Violence
Resource Page (excellent)
http://www.moondragon.org/moondragon/domviol.html

RAINN
Information on reporting sexual abuse and supporting abuse survivors!
http://million.rainn.org/

Spiral Steps
Online Group With Focus on Healing, Growth, and Empowerment ... in a 12 step format!
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/spiral-steps/

(Also see Sia's Blog at http://fullcirclenews.blogspot.com/2006/07/changes-at-spiral-steps.html.)

The Healing Grove
Resource Page (excellent)
http://www.healinggrove.com/

Now, let's get down to some facts and issues that concern everybody!

Statistics About Domestic Abuse:

American Domestic Abuse Statistics

See http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_in_america.html:

4 million (this number is debated on other sites) American women experience a serious assault
by a partner during an average 12-month period.

On average, more than 3 women are murdered by their husbands/boyfriends every day.

Women Also Abuse

See http://mediaradar.org/

Again and always, the problems of abuse, criminal behaviors, and murder of partners/spouses cross
all national, racial, class, and religious boundaries.

No Neat Parallels Between Abuse and Promiscuity or Open Mindedness

If such neat parallels between promiscuity, crime, choice of religion, domestic violence, and murder of
spouses existed on any consistent basis worth attention, then the rates in question would correspond. 
They don't.  Denmark, towards the top of that chart in the last hyperlink (meaning that they are more
promiscuous), actually has far lower intrafamily murder rates, for example.   See http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/hm1.pdf
for more detailed covereage.  This doesn't mean that promiscuity decreases the likelihood and rates of
domestic violence. The truth is more complex than drawing simplistic lines between things like that.

As for attacking being too open minded as the sorry cause of misfortune and domestic violence --
that's not the same as education (prevention) regarding domestic abuse either. Education is what we want.

Education, Equality, Honesty, Fair Enforceable Laws, and Access to Safe Houses
Prove Most Effective.

One can become more skeptical. Monotheistic, polytheistic, agnostic, atheistic, syncretic, and
über moral and that still doesn't decrease or guard against domestic abuse, suffering, embarrassments,
and even murder. Why? One, people like to think that they have their problems licked by simply being
good Pagans/Monotheists/whatever. Wrong. Two, systems that rely on über control are simply more
prone to power and control issues of numerous sorts. Three, it's not one or two that tend to work time
after time, for that it's best to turn to education on specific matters and emotional intelligence.

II. Categorized links to help meet specific needs

Power and Control Wheels

Power and Control

The power and control wheels are very excellent educational tools regarding domestic/relationship
abuse (sometimes including but not limited to violence) involving adults, teens, immigrants,
handicapped, developmentally disabled, the elderly, and so on:

• http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html Offers a long list of Power and Control wheels, some of them adapted to specific situations
• http://pathwayscourses.samhsa.gov/elab/images_elab/power-control-wheel.gif elderly abuse
• http://www.endingviolence.org/files/uploads/DisabledCaregiverPCwheel.pdf handicapped/elder abuse
• http://ici.umn.edu/products/impact/133/prof7.html developmental disabilities
• http://projects.edtech.sandi.net/kearny/rviolence/images/powercontrol.gif teens>http://projects.edtech.sandi.net/kearny/rviolence/images/relationshipequality.gif teens
• http://projects.edtech.sandi.net/kearny/rviolence/Abuse_chart.html abuse types chart
  (limited and many may not recognize particular behaviors)
•  http://www.hotpeachpages.net/images/immigrantpower.gif immigrant abuse

On Dec. 31, 2006, I added a Power and Control Wheel (pictured above) that is a 
combination of the wheels applicable to domestic  and other abuses, even national or international.
Have not seen this done before.   The wheel shows the areas abusers may work in order to abuse.

Equality (Non Violence) Wheels:

• http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html Offers a long list of Equality wheels, some of them adapted to specific situations
• http://projects.edtech.sandi.net/kearny/rviolence/images/relationshipequality.gif
  (a teen equality wheel)
• http://www.bluegrassrapecrisis.org/education/relationships/wheels.html  shows both Power and Control and Equality power wheels

Isolation (not to be mistaken with the extent of the social circle though sometimes one may be a pretty
good indication of the other) is one of the most detectable warning signs of power and control issues.

Note: The following are older links that emphasize domestic violence more than all types of abuse and
they often emphasize domestic violence against women while domestic violence against men goes
underreported due to deep cultural shame and taboos (Yes, we have them.)

Domestic Abuse Before, During, &After Tools, Help & Info

One doesn't have to have bruises to be abused or in danger ... most abuse escalates and crosses line
over time. Many articles erroneously seem more concerned with physical abuse and injuries rather than
emotional, life-plans, educational, financial or social wounds. Extrapolation and mulling will help as you
go through information and figure out what’s applicable.

http://www.edvp.org/AboutDV/default.htm
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

I learned about why I stayed.

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/whystay.htm
http://www.actabuse.com/whyshestays.html
http://www.violetnet.org/info/genj-6.htm
http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/1728.53459
http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/rural.htm
http://www.standardtimes.com/projects/DomVio/courtorders.HTML (abusers often become violent/threatening/retaliatory in reaction to court orders)

I learned about Battered Women Syndrome

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/psych.htm

I learned about why he abused.

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/whymen.htm

I learned how alcohol was tied in, in his case.

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/alcohol.htm

And why threats should be taken seriously.

http://www.actabuse.com/Threats.html

When I understood this "cycle of violence," I was then able to break free from the chains of abuse and violence.

http://members.aol.com/CalypsoSun/dv_abuse.html (warning: music will play on this first site)
http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/wheel.htm
http://www.cybergrrl.com/views/dv/book/lovewheel.html
http://sasmiths.tripod.com/dvcycle.htm
http://www.edvp.com/AboutDV/cycle.htm
http://www.cybergrrl.com/views/dv/book/violwheel.html
http://www.freofocus.com/commun/dvc/cycle.html
http://www.actabuse.com/cycleviolence.html
http://www.co.sanmateo.ca.us/sanmateocourts/domviolence.htm

And about the emotional abuse too.

http://www.actabuse.com/patterns_abuse.html
http://www.actabuse.com/verbalabuse.html

I learned what normal was (may also just refer to the Equality Wheel).

http://www.cybergrrl.com/views/dv/book/nonviolwheel.html

I learned what abuse was.

http://members.aol.com/mogyweb/domestic.htm
http://www.edvp.com/AboutDV/whatisabuse.htm
http://firms.findlaw.com/rosalie/memo14.htm
http://www.freofocus.com/commun/dvc/info.html
http://www.ihoc.org/newsletter.htm
http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/types.htm
http://www.actabuse.com/Hurting.html
http://www.actabuse.com/prop_pets.html
http://www.actabuse.com/financecontrol.html
http://www.actabuse.com/isolation.html
http://www.actabuse.com/emotionalabuse.html
http://bcn.boulder.co.us/lcwc/
http://www.violetnet.org/info/genj-1.htm
http://www.violetnet.org/info/genj-3.htm (different degrees of assault)
http://www.telalink.net/~police/abuse/symptoms.htm (wow)

I learned some of the facts.

http://www.cybergrrl.com/views/dv/book/myth.html

I learned that I was not alone. There are many hotlines for each state.

http://www.hotpeachpages.net/usa/index.html
http://www.cybergrrl.com/views/dv/book/hot.html

There are more resources.

http://www.cybergrrl.com/fs.jhtml?/views/dv/links.html
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo/
http://www.freofocus.com/commun/dvc/contacts.html
http://www.actabuse.com/DVlinks.html
http://www.dvc.org.nz/ (even in NZ)

I stayed at a safe house when I left.

http://www.phenomenalwomen.com/help/shelters.htm
http://www.violetnet.org/yours/servpro/onsite.htm (shows some of the needs and issues when arriving at a safe house)

And I benefited from what the safe houses provided.

http://bcn.boulder.co.us/lcwc/safeshelter.html
http://bcn.boulder.co.us/lcwc/outreach.html
http://www.mysistersplace.com/guidingprinciples.html
http://www.violetnet.org/info/genj-2.htm (No one has the right to hurt you.)

I benefited from counseling (recovery).

http://relationshipweb.com/links/Counselling_and_Therapy/index.html
http://www.recovery-man.com/

Caution:  Some therapists and church counselors will try to convince you to stay in the marriage or even that you were ritualistically abused. Some counselors end up with almost all their patients "recovering" Satanic abuse memories (SRA).  Heh. Be careful what counselor you go to. They are not all equal!!! http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/4514/books.html

I learned how it affects kids and the warning signs that they've been abused.

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/kids.htm
http://www.co.sanmateo.ca.us/hsa.dir/article.htm
http://casmt.on.ca/abuse4.html
http://dana.ucc.nau.edu/~cma9/LearnedBehavior.html
http://www.tbi.state.tn.us/warningmfcu.htm
http://nyny.essortment.com/warningsignsof_rhlw.htm (this link also defines abuse)
http://biz.arkansas.net/lordandedw/sexabuse.htm
http://biz.arkansas.net/lordandedw/toc.html (online story with many chapters)
http://www.violetnet.org/mary/effects.htm#child
http://www.violetnet.org/info/genj-7.htm (scroll down)
http://www.telalink.net/~police/abuse/resources.htm

7 Steps to Protect Children
http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:o-hHnCh9MqUJ:www.darkness2light.org/docs/Final7steps.pdf+recognize+potential+abuser&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=22

I learned about safety before, during and after leaving.

http://www.edvp.com/AboutDV/safetyplan.htm
http://www.cybergrrl.com/views/dv/book/safe.html
http://www.fvpf.org/gethelp/personal_plan.html
http://www.telalink.net/~police/abuse/safety_plan.htm
http://geocities.com/CapitolHill/7836/safety_plan.html

I learned that the laws have been changing. Here's one on California's.

http://www.co.sanmateo.ca.us/hsa.dir/Brk_cycle.htm

Caution and your abuser's ability to tell where you've been on the Internet.

http://www.actabuse.com/warning.html
http://www.edvp.org/AboutDV/trace-warning.htm

I learned about the warning signs (red flags) of abusers.

http://www.hawc.org/site/DocServer/Profile_DV_Abuser.pdf?docID=145  (Though excellent, this link fails to mention abuse based on religious differences/interpretations.)
http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/warning.htm (abuser and the abused are represented)
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/12ways.htm (the word may)
http://www.basildonwa.org/site/59/210.html
http://www.cybergrrl.com/views/dv/book/warn.html
http://www.actabuse.com/battererprofile.html
http://www.youthministry.com/work_youth/abuser_signs.htm
http://pweb.netcom.com/~arrowblu/abuse.html
http://www.serve.com/zone/everyone/bipbroch.html
http://www.tbi.state.tn.us/warningmfcu.htm
http://www.drdaveanddee.com/possessive.html
http://www.svlas.org/page27.html
http://www.biz.arkansas.net/lordandedw/warning.htm
(Scroll down that page for "Signs To Look For In A Battering Personality!" You won't regret it.)
http://www.violetnet.org/info/genj-4.htm
http://www.violetnet.org/info/genj-5.htm (what abusers do can mark them to)
http://www.dvc.org.nz/warnings.htm#avoid (want to avoid an abusive relationship? -- even has levels of risk)
http://drirene.com/redflag.htm Nice-- and scroll down to assess if your behaviors make you prone
http://www.mjbovo.com/Abuse/PotentialAb.htm recognize a potential abuser
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/criminalmindset.html recognize a potential abuser/criminal (and most abusers do something illegal, even if it’s “small stuff”
http://www.womensweb.ca/k2news/example1.php?Action=Full&NewsID=753 path to abuse, recognize that an abuser often abuses his closest and may appear okay to the outside world
http://www.telalink.net/~police/abuse/symptoms.htm (I strongly advise following the links within this site!)
http://www.netexpress.net/~parallax/animal_abuse.html Yes, many abusers also abuse animals.
http://www.tulsaspca.org/articles/abuse_history.html  Yes, many domestic abusers and murderers also abuse animals.

And about many of the things involved.

http://www.actabuse.com/Batterers.html
http://home1.gte.net/shanam/research/study.htm
http://www.relationshipweb.com/links/cool/
http://www.telalink.net/~police/abuse/stalking.htm (things involved when leaving)

And specifically how abuse affected women (because I am a woman).

http://www.violetnet.org/mary/effects.htm#women

I learned I can help others.

http://www.phenomenalwomen.com/help/
http://www.actabuse.com/helping.html
http://www.edvp.org/YouCanHelp/default.htm

And even corporate people are helping.

http://www.edvp.org/credits.htm

That's only a small portion of what I learned. I also learned why I had been such a match for an abuser. And I learned what changes I had to make. I learned how the coping mechanisms I learned as an abused (not beaten but sexually abused) child. By the way, my father never perpetrated full intercourse on me. Touching me and feeling me up, lewd comments and looks -- that was enough. Trust was broken and many other things were affected. It doesn't have to be full-fledged rape in order to damage a child or be "qualified" as sexual abuse.

I also learned a lot about eating disorders as recovery issues.

Food. http://eatingdisorders.miningco.com/health/eatingdisorders/cs/recoverycoping/

Women Abuse, Too
Women are responsible for a lot more child abuse than many people realize.
Discussion: Abuse by Women - Join our discussion.
Discussion: Abused by Mothers - Women abused by their mothers speak out.

http://incestabuse.about.com/health/incestabuse/?onfiltered=true& (psssst --- check out the incest categories to the left there) 

http://www.cyberparent.com/abuse/ One of the more jam-packed sites. “Mental, emotional, and verbal abuse often turns into physical abuse. Physical abuse nearly always escalates.” This covers women abusing their families, men abusing theirs, teens abusing others, the children abusing – even elder abuse.

Contains the different power wheels in the thread's message 2 & touches on B & D.

http://groups.msn.com/AskAWitchCommunity/general.msnw?action=get_message&ID_Message=63287&ShowDelete=0&CDir=-2

Know Thyself is an integral tool in the pivotal key of the Law of Knowledge and the Co-Empowerment Wheel (the healthy one):

http://groups.msn.com/AskAWitchCommunity/helpnewtowicca.msnw?action=get_message&mview=1&ID_Message=66049&LastModified=4675387258057707358

I learned to See Past the Head Games and It Really Helped to Be Able To Name What People Do When they Abuse:

http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/itl/graphics/main.html  Mission:  Critical Thinking
http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Law_of_thought  "Law" of Thought (Philosophy & More)
http://f.a.c.t.s.tripod.com/  Forums for Active Critical Thinking

Choice of Words Matters!

Not all abuse is as obvious as full blown name calling or swearing. Some can be insults and even biases hidden in words.

Language: Liberation and Mind Control
Question on Language & Culture

Murder Cases, Different Lifestyles, and The Public's "Moral" Indignation and Judgment (Within the context of a CA child murder case).

Are you good enough to be protected?

Anger, A Much Maligned Emotion

http://groups.msn.com/AskAWitchCommunity/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=1&ID_Message=65414&CType=0&CDir=1