....

uh

I've decided not to update...really...much on here anymore.

Cuz, well I'm kinda sick of talking to myself.

I'll be back once in a while though.

oh, and i got a livejournal...which is sort of pointless b'c I'm not really going to update that either.

www.livejournal.com/users/she_waits

Mood: eek

hmm...have you ever met a person you can't really talk to? Like...he's such a bastardly asshat you don't really know why he exists?

And it's sorta just like, if I had a fly swatter, but for humans, i'd use it?

yeah.

ah well...

Went to the Riparian Preserve thing today, cept it was dark, and we weren't supposed to be there, it was freaky-assed, b'c they have these wall things, that are windy, and shadowy...and I felt like a screeching imp was going to pop out of the walls and eat our lungs.

*shudder.

but a few months ago, I went with Zach, to there, and it wasn't freaky...there was a cat though, and mosquitoes...

it would suck to be stuck to someone for life. Siamese twins...especially if you really hated your twin. then you wouldn't even be able to poison him...or her...b'c poisoning it would be poisoning yourself.

I went to market to buy a chicken head...but I havu no money so I had to sell my finger...

www.xanga.com/tarkvinius

he's an asshole, but I like them that way...and he's unbending in his bastardliness...you just have to admire the integrity.

Makes me want to kill him

but my biggest problem is...he never says anything nice about anything. Always a critical bastard.

How will you enjoy life? If you're a meanie magee?

I don't like this new level of paranoia. I'm always thinking that there's burglars or rapists lurking. Never thought of that when I was young. And innocent.

*Nostalgic sigh.

hah, that's silly, I'd never sigh with nostalgia in real life. No matter how much i wanted to.

It's a mental sigh. Which is not good, cuz if you sigh inside your cranium too much, it'll get filled with air, and then you'd become...

and airhead!!!

bahahaha.

Matt Damon's getting pudgy! And he has back hair. WHY?!?! WHY!!!!!!!!?

why didn't you shave your back, Matt Damon?

Why disillusion me?

Now I have nothing to live for.

I guess I'll just go kill myself.

and my epitaph will be "died of sorrow over hairy back."

haha

fuwa fuwa means furry, or fuzzy....It makes me think pubically.

ach. I'm frozen. I guess it's a good thing i don't live in Boston.

or an ice-cap.

man, that would suck

mood: urgh?

Cigarettes and chocolate milk. doodoodoodoo, well placed words...blah blah.

ach

I've been so happy lately, but I think that this is just a cover for the desperation and angst that lies inside.

Oh well, I won't open up that can of worms or look a gift horse in the mouth.

 *rolls eyes at the cliches.

hmm...remind me not to wear a coarse shirt with no bra. Leads to some highly damaging THO.

*shudder

eeek!

My neighbors have a deciduous tree outside in their yard. And b'c of last night's rain, it looked like the tree just got flustered and dropped all of its leaves.

I feel like I'm missing out on the turning of the seasons. Like it's there, but I can't touch it, and I can't pick up the leaves.

Cigarettes and chocolate milk.

hmm...I think it's bad that I'm tempted to smoke.

It just looks so cool.

I think if someone offered me a cigarette, I'd take it.

God, I hate my thoughts.

They're always so circuitous. It's always back to "am I getting fat?" or "do they love me?" or "do I have a chance?" It's like being stuck in a little, self-absorbed box.

I just want to throw myself away.

Trade it all in for a new one.

What would I keep?

I wouldn't keep anything...really...maybe this hair, or these fingers. I don't really have a problem with these ears.

but everything else, goes.

Leave me a pile of fingers, hair and ears.

I despise myself...Christ...I really do.

fuck

no

can't work it out this way.

fuck it. Time to give up. It's not going to get any better.

Some writer said that when Hope was the most harmful thing that came out of Pandora's box (haha, I said box), he was right.

I'm always hoping that someone will_______, and I'll be happy

Don't give me any shit about how happiness and _____ will come once I accept myself.

fuck it

knock me out.

guess I did end up opening that can of worms huh?

mood: panicked

oy, my hair is so good today.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

I am physically unable to write this Human Events paper. It's so gruesome, and toilful.

hooray making up words.

I keep looking out the window, and there's this one rose on the rosebush. And it's so pink, and huge, and gorgeous.

I'm so tempted by it to go out and smell it.

but I can't

b'c I've got to do this negro of an essay.

my hands and feet are cold...so cold. I hate it.

hate the cold, and hate the goddamn rose, she's so damn lucky that she doesn't have to write this essay.

I wish I was a pink rose, a big fat pink rose, just about to explode into full bloom.

but I'm not

I'm a witer's blocked girl w/ cold hands and feet.

somebody save me

other news.

i've fallen in love with Rufus Wainwright and GACKT.

I love saying that name. GACKT

haha

gackt looks like a girl, but sings like a manly man.

and I LOVE him

cold cold cold

Imma go

pictures pictures!!! squee

holy shit, I've become like any other generic crazy asian girl with journal.

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

oh well, here goes

I look greasy...oh yeah, I AM greasy

one big eye, one small eye...

hey CC, look who it is!

don't know why, but we all look tired

don't LICK ME!!!

I loves me pretty pink flowers

I fear me too

oh, and I want to show off my new jacket

I know you're jealous, it's okay