That was the most absurd football match i've seen. Sixteen yellow cards, four reds (that's a new record by the way), all initiated by Portugal's usual dirty play, although the first bad foul was made by Holland. I think my favourite bit was Figo's headbutt, moment's later himself going down after an elbow in the face and receiving an icepack to the head as if suddenly his head is no longer capable of taking impacts.

Portugal don't play a sneaky rule-bending cheating style like Argentina, they just foul properly. Euro 2004 they broke our main man's foot in the quarter finals and put us out, now we face them in the quarter finals of the World Cup. England had another weak performance but go through to Saturday's game. Interestingly, Scolari their manager put us out in the quarter finals of the last world cup too, although he was then managing Brazil. Also, Portugal Beat Netherlands in the second round of Euro 2004, as they have done in the World Cup tonight.

Saturday the 1st of July, 2006 - Payback!

A.

I'm feeling really bothered on what might be the last evening before i find out if i've been accepted onto the Art Foundation course. The longer it goes on the more i doubt, and i'm scared because i don't have a plan for what to do if i don't get on the course.

It's the next day and i've cycled to the university. The massive journey through beautiful Clifton Village and the Downs woodland in the sun has put me in a better mood. It was lovely, but as far as the course goes, i've given up now. I've decided that i should presume i'm not getting in so that i can make new plans for the year. How much money and time have i wasted on it all this year? Well at least it has gotten me back involved in art.

A.

Why is it when i risk commiting to something in my mind it always gets taken away from me? You can't blame me for finding it so hard to put myself out there and to go for something, to go for it in life. Today i've just been told that the room i was waiting for has been taken - i'm really pissed off about that, my reason for doing the course in Bristol was that i'd get to enjoy living for a year with my good friends, an opportunity that won't come around again. Of course i can visit them as i do now, but i expect to be very busy during the course (if i even get in) and so if i was living with them, i'd still see them. I don't think i'll get 'round to it when studying. Can't explain to you now how fucked off in am that i didn't get into Falmouth, i had a room lined up there and if i had the choice there would be no reason to pick Bristol now. If i ever dare to visualise something it never seems to happen. How can i be expected to dream and plan if i can't visualise?

Well, at least my prediction was right that everything would become revealed - got my inheritance, found out about my knee, got a decision about the room, and i've got my reference, meaning i'll find out this week (at last!) whether i've gotten onto the course in Bristol.

A.

An old person advised me today. As she struggled stepping the unfairly large gap from the train down to the platform, i smiled, and she said to me "Don't get old!".

I'm on my way to 'action town' Stroud to get my knee and foot examined. It's sort of a relief because it's one thing off the list, and might signal the end of my wait for everything else. I'll find out what work i am able to do during treatment, so i'll finally be able to get some money in too.

Just had an unwanted experience... The train slowed and then stopped at the back of the sports field of my hated old school. I don't know how long it's been since i saw that place, but i didn't think i'd see it ever again.

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I've found out lots about my knee, ankle and feet today and the woman was really good. She said i'm her patient now so i can call or e. mail her any time that i want. She's gonna make sure that the people that treat me are doing the right things, and she's told me everything i need to say and ask. It's left me feeling confident about sorting this all out finally. Which is nice (smiles).

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"Oh the wait". I watch the Bumble bee, that scientific impossibility of nature and one of my favourite English things. "The agonising wait". The bee has found a leaf in the sun, it sits with legs outstretched like a six pointed star, its shiny black head absorbing the heat.

I'm waiting for many things right now - to know if the house my friends are renting will be offered to them for a second year (in which case i'll be joining them), waiting for the test on my knee and foot to find out what can be done and how long i'll have appointments at the chiropractor's for, and the wait to find out if i've been accepted at the University of the West of England. The wait for this year, the year that my life has begun, to continue.

The bee waits... then he moves on. I am ready to move on.

A.