Tomorrow is the last day of the year 2008. 2009 I will start a new company and a new life. I would be quitng my school due to my stupidity. i made up my mind. The rift between the gap had widen between my heart. I guess the one year of chase was all a waste. Like what I fear the most is to end up like one of those idiots whom chased after my sister, I had become one whom had chased after another person's sister and fail. Heart broken and shatter life. Well all is not gone to waste, I learnt alot more from this experience. I got to meet with God and now have a relationship with Him. I am blessed for this. If not for this girl I would not had gotten to know him. In fact i knew Huim by running away from her, I do not know what is the plan but I will just follow and allow him to lead. Relying on myself do not seems to be a good idea in the current situations.

I recall a time when the sms was replied fast and now it seems like forever. Well I guess love cannot be one sided, too much pain. Why do girls like to be tortured by guys who do not love them? 

I hate guys whom go after girls who already have someone in her life. If he do not know, fair be it but if it is known to him yet he continue than I lost respect for him.

I want to really curse this guy and his family to forever have heart breaks (as he is not saved! and I know that) BUT even Jesus commands His disciples, "Bless them that curse you" (Lk 6:28; compare Rom 12:14). What mnore can i do. I pray that God in heaven will provide me with the cure for thi broken heart and I pray that this guy would one day understand the pain he caused. I pray th best for the girl whom broken my heart and she will in time find the one for her.

Father in heaven, bless me to to become such a outstanding person that anyone who did not accept me would greive and regret the lost they had let go.

Quot of the moment: "if the price is right, you can get anything. Someone paid for the my prize and the price was right now and forever."

 Guess it is only on times I get depressed and sad do I just blog, but then again.. I do blog when I am happy and over energetic. Yes I am on the depress train again. I think I caught on this bug from my Ex ( i got to like blame on someone.. sorry girl). She is a nice person but I wonder if she is still like what she used to be, spoken and stuff with her like I guess 6 months back. Her life is wonderful I guess, no idea what is happening now and no intension to find out.

Watching Tv now and been glued to Lord of the ring online like for the past few weeks. I swear that Jarieul is a bad influence! He ngo me into Magic the gathering and then he like ditch me to play alone and then recently gym and now Lord of the ring online! If he was not my best friend I would have disowned him!

When I write I vent out my feelings and feel abit much better. I had been getting this vomiting pangs all day today, maybe it is due to the excess caffine I am taking now, do not ask why or how or what I am doing with so much of it. NOT A GOOD IDEA~! I bite and I bite good!

Another 1 and 1/2 hours until the birthday of the girl I love but she is like with another "friend". I truely love her bu I guess sometimes some things cannot be forced upon. She does not let me go for I know she do feel for me, yet she is afraid of taking the wrong ride on the Justus train. Well i guess i ahve left all the thing to God for he would be fair and would know what to do or what to say. In  Him I shall rely and in Him i will look at.

Watching a cameron diaz show, she is a looker but.. way too thin . I like my girls with a bit of meat, a bit thats all. If she eventually expand with me I am ok but not before I am with her. Call me a superfical or shallow Hal. The female species do that too and who is to say they are not superficial? I just like girls presentable, no need for all the curves or what so ever but I looker would not be ever minded. Pig ? Yes I am. That is why I am also going to get myself up fit and running. Hopefully the one I love will see that and reconsider. But then again if it is just for the looks she looks forward to me then it would be somethign wrong. AS when I age so will my figures, at least not that badly as I am a guy whom at aged we could still kee some if we do decide to keep fit.

Think I am getting a flu or some one is cursing and swearing at me, sneezing like crazy. Then again it should be flu, with all the cold weather and stuff who knows what went up the nose of mine. 

Today's gym was one of the most fruitful one, other then a stop in my run when someone from the office called me, I  ran like 30 mins non stop! Woo Hoo.. well my max is actually about 1 hour back in the army days and I am trying to get it back! Stamina, fitness and a body to die for! Will I survive? I believe I will for I know I am blessed~!

Back to the show. It is about 2 sister, both are like heaven and hell apart in lifestyle and personality. Kind of like me and my sister, no I am not a girl I am a guy. But on occasions I wished that I can be a girl. At least I can get the free stuff and guys and nowadays girls will splurge on you. Yes the monthly thing and the birth pain is like part and parcel of life I guess, we guys have to pay for those you know? ok back to me and my sister, well we are in personallity and lifestyle heaven and hell apart. She is more outgoing and stuff and with all the PR skills since young, with tons of so called friends and acquantances. Me on the other I know people but they do not know me, i tried to be like her but do not seems to be working. I am trying to cultivate that part of me. But it would mean a split of my time and effort which I am lazy to do. Lets just see what God's plan has for me.

Had a urge of becoming a pastor but to think over, I might not be like holy enough. I am a jerk, who cares only for himself actually or I think I do. I care for others when it does not harm me only, but to think about it it is not true. I quit my job like on my bonus month casue I do not want them waste their effort.. Maybe I should just look out for myself. But then again I believe it is not me who mae the decision, maybe I am blaming it to higher power but I do not think that way.

Police force send me a "join us"broucher. Shoudl I destory my lfie and try to go that way? Life will be good. I get to get fit , hold a pistol, become "dangerous" but then again I do not think I will give the vibe off. I am too gentle to scare the baddies but it can be also my advantage cause they will never expect me to be that! This is like so the moive show, I forgotten what it is called.

Long long blabbering and stuff and it took uponly 30 minsof my time since 2230. Not enough to keep me occupied until the time I get my call. Well I have to end, so long folks! Imagine a day when I am gone, my heart hurts now like in pain, real pain. Maybe I would have a heart atatck soon or maybe it is just a heart burn whch is sort of a prelude to something sinister, whatever it is I hope it would be fast. Ideal way to go for any one is to go in your sleep or doing something heroic! MUHAHHAHAAHA Fantasy of mine... Let not explain further.

Quote of the moment: "Listen I am not the one who did not pass over the letters!" 

Tomorrow will always come, xmas is coming and just around the corner. Another year to celebrate the Lord's arrive. He whom saved us all. This makes me rethink of all the events that occured. I need to now get ready my list of new year goals for 09 now. I plan for 12 of them.

On my list is

1- Learn driving and get the licence (dead line 21 Aug 2009)

2- Learn a new language

3- save $500 every month without fail

4- Go to Bangkok (Sept 09)

5- Go to Jerusalem  (Oct 09)

6- Survive and clear my IPPT and ICT (June/July 09)

7- Get a weight of 63Kg

8- Be focus, try to attend church every Sunday

9- Hang up my punching bag

10- Learn to let go and fall free

11- Clear a marathon or a half marathon (Aug/Sept/Dec)

12- Thank the Lord everyday and for everything.

Its going to be a very good Xmas! AMEN!

Quote of the moment: "Do not Judge and you will not be judged. Do not Condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into you laps.For the measure you use it will be measured to you." Luke 6 :37

What would you do if you are to see your best friend die infront of you? Not that it happened to me... Just hypotically, imagine some one you care for leaving you. Morbid topic for the mid night, am watching Grey anotomy now. Some ambulance crash and this guy was crushed and if the remove the vehicale he will die, i heard a real life story on this before from my friend in the army where by he had to witness his "man" die due to a freak tree accident. Life is short I guess we never know what will happen. Maybe tomorrow or another day when I ride to work, i get into a freak accidnet and lose my life? Who knows.. Whatever it maybe God please make my death a quick and painless one, or if not please let me go doing something people for ages to come will remember in a good way.

My love life is complicated, seriously complicated. I get angry only to be angering myself if there is such a word. Like I am on a drug, i don't want ti to leave yet I know I should do something to either cut the pain or enjoy a slow death.

I think I need to move out of my comfort zone again and meet new people, new friends and maybe get a new groupie. Did I ever mentioned that when I was like 11 or 12 I had a groupie? She was like kind of retarded and well I had charm! Muahahha or maybe it is just because she is retarded. Retarded as in low IQ but still in main stream school. She would follow me and do whatever I ask her to do, maybe I should had tried to ask her to jump on the MRT track back then but always the better side of me told me not to do such evil things.

I am about to resign from my job soon, I am nervous, I wonder am I doing the right thing? Well I guess there is no point to second my motion as I alrady had signed out my life already. Just have to take it a step at a time and proceed on. I know that God had blessed all my carrear moves. 

I wonder again what will be the departing words people will say at my funeral. I wonder will I be remembered or forgotten like another part of history? I am depresse, I am not denying it. God, I turn to you now, I give you my life and I believe you will do what is in my best interest.

Quote of the moment: " Hat trick to My life"