Authenticity… What?? How?? Why??

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about authenticity lately.  The subject keeps coming up in the media, in conversation, in what I’m reading.   But it isn’t new.  People have wrestled with authenticity for centuries.

Wikipedia defines authenticity as the degree to which one is true to one's own personality, spirit, or character, despite the pressures of the material world.  Some think of Socrates as one of the earliest proponents of authenticity when he warned us that the “unexamined” life is not worth living.  Walter Kaufman spent his life examining his beliefs, challenging cultural and religious norms.  While I don’t agree with all his conclusions, the quote below resonates with me: 

“Let people who do not know what to do with themselves in this life, but fritter away their time reading magazines and watching television, hope for eternal life.. The life I want is a life I could not endure in eternity. It is a life of love and intensity, suffering and creation, that makes life worth while and death welcome.”  Kaufmann, The Faith of a Heretic.

A life worth while.  That’s it.  That’s what I’m looking for.  I could spend eons contemplating my navel, and the only result would be a cleaner lint-less belly button!  (There is actually a Guiness record holding guy who collects his navel fluff... ...  but I digress...)   Instead, when my gaze goes upward and I consider the Designer as well as design, I am changed.  I am humbled.  I am motivated to be and do all that I can. 

The authentic life I am seeking is one in which I am all God designed me to be, and that I am using those gifts and talents to do something that matters.  In my work, that means coaching clients to find and fulfill their life purpose, giving them tools to be and do all they were designed for and holding them accountable to achieve their goals.  In my worship, that means contemplating the Holy Other, and measuring my life against His yardstick.  In my relationships it means happily, enthusiastically, unapologetically being me.  It means operating from my strengths, it means sharing my gifts, it means accepting my weaknesses and acknowledging my limitations. 

I am currently working on material for a workshop series I’m calling Integrity Selling.  It is aimed at my coaching clients who sell time, products or services but struggle with making sales.  That discomfort usually comes from self-consciousness.  You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing.  You don’t want to be pushy.  You gag at the thought of hawking something someone doesn’t need or want.  But what if you were to shift the focus to the client’s needs, values, and goals -- you might have something to say, something to give.  You are operating from authenticity and integrity.  You aren’t pushing something over on someone, but adding value to their life. 

Interested in hearing more??   Give me a call at 319-551-1414 or shoot an e-mail to lisa@vanallencoaching.com  Tell me how you are finding and fulfilling your purpose – with authenticity.

Tough Choices

It’s been a month since the Willowcreek Leadership Summit, but I am still chewing on my notes, putting tools into practice, and reading books I picked up.  One of those books is one that Bill Hybels made required reading for every member of the staff at Willowcreek:  Tough Choices, a Memoir by Carly Fiorina.

I have to be honest.  My initial reaction to hearing that Carly Fiorina was presenting at the summit was mixed.  On the positive side it was, “Great!!  A woman presenter!!”  On the negative side, “But does it have to be that woman??”  Carly Fiorina is the CEO who was extremely controversial during the HewlettPackard / Compaq Computer merger.  She was fired from HP in 2005.  Carly has been described in all the negative terms that can be applied to an aggressive, progressive businesswoman.  And I’m ashamed to admit I believed some what I heard in the media.  I was very wrong.  Fiorina is smart but not arrogant, determined but not cold, aggressive but not mean-spirited. 

If you decide to read Tough Choices, you’ll find the following gems woven through the story:

·         “Success is not about fame and fortune, but ultimately about the quality of one’s mind and one’ character”.

·         “If we cannot choose our circumstances, we can always choose to become something more.”

·        “…disciplined thought processes and well-structured questions are as powerful as the answers.”

·        History is “the story of people who chose to make things different”.

·        “… an important management tool: how to understand and get fro a seemingly overwhelming amount of information to the heart of the matter.”

·        “Believing in someone else, so they can believe in themselves, is a small but hugely significant act of leadership.”

·        On keeping a team motivated:  “I explained why all the boring details they were looking at mattered… they were motivated because they knew they were making appositive difference.”

·        “Resistance to a new idea or a new way of doing things is interesting to observe.  It is an emotional reaction to fear of the unknown or fear of losing power or influence.  It does not always yield to facts and reason…”

·        Re: women in business:  “… my gender alone could deny me the presumption of competence.  Because I was a reasonably attractive woman, some people assumed I wasn’t capable… They wouldn’t assume I could do the job I had.  I would have to actively dissuade them from their presumptions about who and what I was before I would earn their respect.  I’d have to work harder and be better prepared.”

·         “…the first time I used the word soul at work… I was trying to tell her that how she measured her own life was so much more important than any position or any company.” 

·         “Business is about producing results.  If you’re going to work for a company, large or small, then you must be prepared to embrace the objectives of that business.  If you can’t, you should work someplace else.”

·        After being embarrassed in public and crying in private over it:  “I made a decision.  I would not cry again over others’ prejudice.  Sure, what people thought or said about me might hurt.  What people did to me might hurt as well, but I would not carry their narrow-mindedness or bias as my burden…  since 1986 I have saved my tears for more important things:  my family, the beauty of nature, Beethoven, a dear friend, the goodness of people, their wisdom, their tragedies or their triumphs.”

Over the last few months two traits have been emerging as being vital to my growth, my success, my relationships… authenticity and vulnerability.  Carly Fiorina writes and demonstrates both in her book Tough Choices.  I’ll be writing more about these traits in future posts, because I am convinced these qualities are essential.

Visionary Leadership

 Last week I attended the Willowcreek Leadership Summit, an annual event hosted by Bill Hybels of the Willow Creek Association.  Last year was my first summit – and I can show you the chair I was sitting in when I decided to take the leap of faith needed to launch my coaching practice full time.  I had been coaching informally, mostly pro bono, since leaving my psychology practice 7 years ago.  I was feeling a growing discontent and frustration with my work in health care management and teaching.  I needed to touch people’s lives more directly using the gifts and talents, the strengths and experience I have more effectively.   I took that leap of faith, and have enjoyed the most satisfying and exciting year of my professional life. 

Hybels started the Summit in 1995 as an annual training event for ministry and business leaders to sharpen their skills. Each year this conference features widely diverse experts in the arena of leadership. Past speakers have included Bono (former Time Magazine Co-Man of the Year and U2 lead singer), Ken Blanchard ("One Minute Manager"), Marcus Buckingham ("StrengthFinders"), Jim Collins ("Good to Great"), Patrick Lencioni (“Five Dysfunctions of a Team”) and Mike Singletary (NFL Hall of Fame linebacker for the Chicago Bears). The event is broadcast live from the Willow Creek campus in suburban Chicago to 100+ video sites across America, plus over 70 international sites. 80,000 attendees were part of the 2006 Leadership Summit.  

The Summit this year featured sessions with Carly Fiorina, Floyd Flake, Marcus Buckingham, John Ortberg, Colin Powell, Michael E. Porter (Harvard), Richard Curtis (film producer) and Former President Jimmy Carter.  

Bill Hybels has been criticized for mixing evangelical speakers with business leaders with political presenters – but the focus each year is on leadership and each presenter has shared their vision, experience and knowledge in a way any leader can benefit.  I'll be writing here about these speakers and how they impacted my life and leadership in future posts. 

Hybels kicked off the Summit this year with “A Vision to Die For”.  I agree with his opening line that “nothing matters more than ownership of a vision” for a company, a church, or a single leader.  Vision was defined as “painting a picture that produces passion in people”. 

Passion has to be contagious for people to catch a vision.  It has to infect them to the point that it becomes their OWN vision.  The only way to do this is to demonstrate your own commitment and ownership of the vision.  There is a Biblical principle at work here: being an owner vs. being a hired-hand.  In the book of John, Jesus talked about the differences in how owners and hired-hands operate in the business of shepherding.  An owner is totally commited, willing to risk life and limb for the sheep.  A hired-hand works his/her hours and then goes home regardless of what the sheep need.  The hired-hand is working for self-interest:  a paycheck.  The owner is working for life and livelihood, for the good of the sheep, for his/her own burning passion and vision. 

I couldn’t help but wonder at how my life has changed over the last year.  I am not just a business owner… I own my own vision.  I am living with passion and purpose.  What about you?  Are you an owner… or a hired-hand? 

Need help finding your passion?? grasping your vision?  Coaching can help!  Give me a call at 319-551-1414 for your complimentary session today!

Freedom From Tolerations

As a personal and executive coach, I often work with clients on eliminating tolerations.  When we tolerate something we allow it to exist, put up with it, endure it – even if it is draining us of energy.  Tolerations can be relatively minor inconveniences, like the blown light bulb in your bedroom.  Tolerations can also be more serious, like a personality conflict with a coworker.  The time and energy you spend in tolerating these things builds up, slowly draining you and limiting your effectiveness and overall happiness. 

The goal is to put up with less and less.

 

Here’s how you can lighten your load and maintain your forward momentum: 

• Write a list of 20 things - people, situations, responsibilities - that cause you stress.

To begin on your path towards your new, toleration-free lifestyle, your list of 20 should include people, problems, and situations you are currently tolerating in your work or home environment. Include the very tangible, like the annoying paper clutter on your desk, to the more elusive, like relationships that irritate you to no end.  Your list should include ongoing complaints, especially the stuff you've put up with for so long that you barely even notice it anymore. Have the dust bunnies begun multiplying under your bed? Is your email is so junked up you don't know what to do? Is your computer processing speed intolerable? Do you have a so-called friend who never returns phone calls? Nothing is too trivial for your list. In reality, it's the small, seemingly inconsequential things that suck away time or attention that could be spent more productively.

• Reduce that list to 10.
• Reduce it again to three.
• Now pick one of those three - and stop doing it.

 It sounds too easy... but it really comes down to focusing on the toleration and eliminating it.  It is possible you will need a coach to help you develop action steps and hold you accountable... But YOU CAN DO THIS!

There are many benefits to you when you get rid of what you are tolerating:

1. You feel freer.
Until you release them, tolerations act like tethers to a hot air balloon -- they hold you down. Identifying your tolerations and handling them is like cutting the tethers to your life.

2. You have more energy.
Until you eliminate them, tolerations zap your energy even if you don't realize it. The increase in energy is immediate; it's the first thing you'll feel during the course.

3. You become more creative.
When you are tolerating, you are locked into the ways you USED to do things. When you handle the tolerations, you'll find yourself experimenting more.

4. You are happier.
Tolerations are reminders of what you DON'T want in your life. When you handle these, you're essentially creating a future that YOU want.

5. You attract higher quality people.
Working through your tolerations is like a rite of passage. Once you move through it, you'll meet some really great people on the other side.

6. You begin to grow.
Tolerations keep you from rapidly developing and evolving because they distract and divert you, so when you eliminate tolerations, there is less 'friction' in life and you naturally accelerate your development.

7. You have more energy.
This is because you can SEE them. If you're still tolerating, life appears fuzzy because you're looking through the gauze of what you're putting up with.

8. You move toward finding and fulfilling your PURPOSE.
In the process of identifying and eliminating your tolerations, you also touch on other personal foundation areas such as needs, values, integrity and reserve. when you handle the tolerations, you have more time to strengthen your strengths and better use your resources.

During the month of July (and the first week of August) we are hosting a teleconference series on Freedom From Tolerations.  On Monday evenings we will be talking about tolerations, defining them, creating action steps to eliminate them, and then holding one another accountable to get rid of them once and for all.  Click on the link to join the call!

Join us... Declare Your Independence… find Freedom from Tolerations!

Coaching 101: Coaching Core Values