I ... "RUBEN ALLOUICIOUS  HARDONME LOL"   (***not my real name***) ......OFFICIALLY HATES SPYWARE!!! I would be coo right now if it weren't fo that computer hacking stuff.  To the people that don't know about spyware...it's  a virus just like trojans or pop ups or anything like that , that can get into ur computer and gives out your information to companies across the globe without your permission, which could lead to them keeping track of everything that you do on your computer like....buy stuff with a credit card, or your emails, all of your  IM conversations, all that mess yo.  Yea I know it's sorta terrifying ... and alot of peoples PC's are infected with this bull and they dont know it.  A good resource to download for free on your computer to scan your PC is called " Spy Sweeper" ....  I have it now and it's working so far.  MAN I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO THIS WEEKEND. AND I REALLY WANNA GO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING....INSTEAD OF JUST SIT IN THE HOUSE...IONO ANYONE WANNA GO OUT ANYWHERE WITH ME??? LOL JP  But damn imma have to do something fo sho...dont know yet...i'll keep em' posted.  Right now I need to go to the Barbershop or something.  Everyone be safe and peace!!!!!

Eyo whas reeally happenin'...Im not gonna do xanga at home until I get Spyware / Adware .  I hate that stuff...people hacking into your computer, slowing it down. They have nothing better to do.  Nothing's really happened yet except I finally told Jhaveena that I was sleepy lol and I would call her tomorrow.... that took guuuutttsss...... but anyway I went to Silver Memories page and he has this quiz thing about him....I wonder what ppl know about me ... so here... feel free to answer these questions...lol ...thanks Get @ ME

1. What's my name?
2. Middle name?
3. How long have you known me?
4. Do I smoke?
5. Do I believe in God?
6. My age?
7. Birthday?
8. Do I have any siblings?
9. Have you ever had a crush on me??
10. What's one of my favorite things to do?
11. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
12. What's my favorite type of music?
13. What is the best personality feature about me?
14. Am I shy or outgoing?
15. Would you say I am funny?
16. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?
17. Any special talents?
18. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?
19. Are my parents still together?
20. What do I love?
21. Would you consider me a friend, an acquaintence, a good friend, or what?
22. Would you call me preppy, slutty, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else?
23. What would you give me out of 10 for personality?
24. What annoys you most about me?
25. If you could do one thing to me, what would it be?
26. If you could go anywhere with me, where would it be?
27. Do you trust me?
28. Do you know anyone that fancies me?
29. Do you know anyone who hates me?

GOod Days!!! Hey people whuddup widdit?  Today whas pretty funny.  I kicked it with Eoin and Kenny today.  We went to ....ayo at Peter Piper Pizza from 11am to 2pm they have this buffet going on.  DAMN we ate sooooooooo much pizza , soooo many breadsticks and Cinnamon BUNS !!!!  mmmmmm jus look at that...And we got the Funniest idea to jack pizzas from the buffet....hahahahahah WE DID A BUFFET RUN !!! LOL after the pizza we hit up that skatepark fo a minute... we played S.K.A.T.E best 2 outta 3 .  MAN KENNY ALWAYS GETS LUCKY AND DOES SOME BULLSHIT LOL but he didn't win cause I WON ... well the first round, Eoin's marc self won the 2 outta 3 part SO CONGRADUALATIONS TO EOIN FOR WINNING THAT GAME.....IMMA GET IT NEXT TIME DOE... **Kenny is in the room as I'm doing this entry saying ***" Kenny: NAw Niggah dats me Im finna win dat shit, CAUSE I'M O.P. BITCH!!!" Anyway lol .....man KENNY IS A FOOOO LOL fo real dis kid will crack you up like CRAZY lol....just the littlest things leave you on da flo' rollin hard. Like today he was TRYNA HOLLA AT DA ICE CREAM LADY ....and he was fo real tooo lmao...she was like 99 years old...and this kid was really holla'n at her like ... " BABY GURL YOU KNOW I GOTTA SWEET TOOTH FOR YO LOVE....AND A BOMB POP JR. WIDDA PICKLE" lol.  I think she wanted to holla back cause she was blushin' , but then again she hardly knew English so IDK lol. But damn that shit was hilarious. Oh yea then today HE WORE MY GRANDMAS WIG AND SKATED WIDDIT AT DA SKATEPARK LOL . He was claiming O.P. up there, which he calls himself the ORANGE PHANTOM!!!!!   

                                           Thoughts for Today 10/19 :

                                                   PARENTING

     Today my co-worker Dat aka D.A.T was making conversation with all the other co-workers about his son.  His son is an 11yr. old boy that doesn't do anything but plays videogames and schooling.  Dat felt concerned about his son that he doesn't do manly things like play sports or do manly chores.    So what I'm thinkin about tonight is actually PARENTING .  Parenting is an big issue in society.  Half of the parenting we have today I believe is "PART OF THE "  reason for alotta crime and scandal we have today.  Not just including the parents that aren't there, but the parents who 'are' there also.  I mean you can "could" still be there for your kid and the child can still turn out to be bad.  DAT feels that If his kid gets what he wants ...he'll be good.... which he is a good kid , But Until he has to do something like mow the front lawn or take out the trash, he'll cry over it and eventually will get babied outta doing that certain task  ...Damn he's got it easy cause when I was comin' up...if i told my mom i didn't wanna cut the lawn ( which I wasn't stupid enough to do lol) She woulda beat da shit outta me lol .....not spank, no no no i didn't get spankin's, A BEATDOWN, ( i mean cause I'd done other things that were called for a beaten ) .  Parenting is such a hard task, but only if you make it hard.... It seems like whatever effort you put into your child...tha'ts the result you will have.  But what do I know, I'm not a parent.  Jhaveena and I always talk about parenting and our views on parenting .  I know that myself...If i was a father (* hopefully Jhaveena and I will have 80,000 babies  ) , I would have such a magnificent relationship with my children, like understanding( I'm understanding now but anyways ), concerned and i would know that they are mature enough to admit to their wrongs ..... But We both decided that we would have our relationship with our children to a point to where they can come to us for every problem, every question, every word of advice , but no money.  MONEY MONEY MONEY IS A BIG FACTOR .  No Spoiled ASs kidz !!! Even If we were rich , I wouldn't wanna have my children taking anything for granted.  Like videogames, food, drinks, ELECTRICITY!!! DAts' not good.  I want my kids to kinda grow up on there own, but know that they have caring parents waiting to help them out if they need help making the right decisions

     I know that personally I have a great mom !!! But my dad was never really around to help me through those "guy times".  LOL "guy times" , But i mean things such as being a man about something, taking responsibility, loving a woman, ... all of that I had to "realize" , not learn but realize on my own.  I've only had maybe about 5 good moments with my father and I ... nothing really about me....jus about him , and GEORGIA and ATL and how da TREE ( fam ) doin' up there.  And he always thinks he knows me by what he hears.  ........Now to come to think about it my dad always stereotypes me.  As a dumb 19yr. old that doesn't know anything, and it's worse cause he's one of those dad's that think they're always right.  IDK though Alll i kno is that I wanna be a better father to my kids and be there for them when I can, other wise than what my father has done for me.... I WILL GIVE CREDIT TO MY FATHER FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO BBQ AND HOW TO COOK... BUT LIFE TOUGHT ME HOW TO BE A MAN ....AND MY MOM SOMEWHAT ALSO.  LIFE HAS TOUGHT ME TO PREPARE FOR THE WORSE .   I just pray that I'm not jinxing myself right now cause that would suck very much.   I JUST WANNA BE A WISE FATHER TO MY CHILDREN SO HOPEFULLY THEY WILL NOT SCREW UP IN LIFE.   But damn now that I thinkin' about it... I'm taking things for granted about being a father...the future isn't promised.  Imma leave it at that. ... ~Peace~

Everyday is a new Day, that's my new mentality.  I've decided that everyday is gonnna be unique and different from now on.  Atleast that's what I'm going for.  I really get tired  of seeing the sme thing everyday.  Which is basically School, Work , then computer lol.  I mean I do more but those are the highlights of my days everyday basically... I need change, adventure, I NEED A BOOK !!! 

Man its late/ early right now  ( 4:08 )...I just woke up with the phone on my ear tonight.   IDK if I feel asleep on her or if she was on the phone all that time but baby I'm really sorry that I do that.  I shouldn't even be forgiven for something like that everynight I do that. U know lately it's been hard to think alot....Right now in this point in my life to where I feel outta place.  I'm really slacking in everything I do, I don't apply myself as much, I'm getting really lazy, I'm really tired ( both in strength and im the mind ) ...Also Right now I feel like I'm keeping a secret from my own self right now.  But I dont know what it is.  I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like I dont wanna admit to something or I'm not accepting something.  I know I already don't accept myself. But whatever it is I'm don't like this at all cause it's changing me by day after day. I am just really really screwed up in the head right now. I'm losing my smarts, my knowledge and people skills. This is the second time to where I didn't know who I was in my head anymore.

     Also I feel like I need some change.  I'm sort of sick of everything that I do to a point to where I don't even like myself. You can call it Low Self-Esteem if you want but it's not that . I jus wanna have some changes, but not to the point to where I lose everything I had before.  I wanna change my attitude, my look, my standards, my everything.  I really don't know what's wrong with me inside my head.  I have so many thought running through my head right now about myself.  Thoughts of disgust, anger, low confidence, idk.  I'm lacking sleep, I dont have time for myself. Just school, work, and talking on the phone with Jhaveena.  There I said it!!!!!! Atleast I think that's it. Maybe talking to Jhaveena has been makin' me drag....I mean I LOVE HER TO THE DEATH but I mean I do things.....stupid things just so I can hear her voice.  Like right after work....I'll skip dinner ot something just so I can talk to her.  EVEN WHEN I WAS MADD HUNGRY I would skip meals when she calls.  Or not go to sleep at all knowing I have something important to do for myself the next morning.   Its really sad that I'm just noticing this stuff.  And I shoud be asleep right now at this moment but I really had to figure out what was wrong with me.  I just feel like I need to do something for me.....