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| Alrighty all, I've decided I suck at blogging. Therefore this is
the end to my Xanga days. Best of luck to all of you! :)
Cheers, Ting
PS. Feel free to email me or msg me at anytime. ting_a_ling82@yahoo
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| it is absolutely awful of me! i've not updated in forever and a
day! oops! oh well life goes on right? there's really
not much about my life to share. so i'll just blab for a good
second here and there...i'm still alive! entry complete:)
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| first semster of grad school...CONQUERED! woohoo!!! go
me!:D It wasn't as bad/scary as I thought it would be...more soon!
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| Okay, I'm back in business...well I think I am anyway. Tomorrow will
be the first day that I will be in at least one of the grad classes
I've signed up for this semester. I took a little leave to go to
Italy, since I've had that planned prior to my acceptance into grad
school. I do feel kind of bad for missing 3 classes, but so far the
professors have been understanding...*knock on wood*.
Italy was a blast! It was so wonderful to see Cindy and Gen. But most
importantly, it's helped me rediscover my self-worth in some ways.
Although the time I spent there was relatively short, I'm a much
happier person and slightly more confident. I hope this means that I'm
"on the road to recovery" or being my old confident self - something I
have not felt in well over 5 years. It was good to hang out with Cindy
just like old times. To me it seemed like a long sleep over, sort of
like the ones we use to have in Jeddah. I just don't know how to
explain how wonderful it feels. The Giamattei's have also been a part
of the boosting of myself esteem.
And I got to see my TWEETY!!! (after 10 long years!) It's just been a
really good time. Anyway, so I have class from 9am to 5pm tomorrow, so
I'm going to go do the work that I should have done when I got back:S
Hopefully, it won't be too hard to do all this work:D! and if time
permits, I'll try to update more regularly! Ciao!
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| the stress level of yours truly is up where it doesn't need to
be. i'm so stressed that i can't sleep and i'm not looking
forward to various aspects of the next year, for example worrying about
family...*sigh* today dad said i needed to quit soaking up so much of
mom's "bad" habits, aka worrying about every little detail. i
think in general, i'm pretty good about keeping it within me, but
recently it's just eating me up alive! i think this is a more
private entry, considering it's more geared towards what i consider
personal...
life in general sucks...i hate this splitting up being like oceans away
from mom and dad. i don't know why but i always get teary-eyed
when i think of it...i think it was a year or two ago when i came home
and it seemed like both of them suddenly looked so much older...it was
very painful to see and i remember crying about it...i actually still
do...it really hurt to see them like that because ever since, i've
tried to work harder to try to make their life easier and more
comfortable...and i think right now that's my main goal in
life...because it tears me apart to see them working so hard only to
provide me with education. i feel like the biggest disappointment
and the feeling grows stronger with the passing days...i find myself
not able to meet goals i set for myself, standards that are hardly even
impossible to meet. overall i just feel very put off by
myself...everytime i disappoint myself i always promise myself that
i'll do better next time, but it's like the harder i try, the more i
mess up...and the bigger the messing up...simply put, i feel like i'm a
complete failure...and it's not just today that because i feel so in
the dumps that i'm writing this very negative entry, but because, i
honestly do feel like i keep messing up...and it's not only once or
twice i've thought about it...it's like a constant nag in th eback of
my head...i want to do better, i want to do so much better...i guess
it's time to take a deep breath and organize myself and try to
accept myself...
as completely turned around as this is going to sound, i just want the
best for my parents...they really do deserve it...ever since declaring
bankruptcy, they have worked every single day harder than anyone i know
trying to provide for the family, and most of all for the two of
us...mom's always feeling guilty that we don't get all that we want and
she works herself literally to death to provide us with our hearts
desires...as a family i don't ever remember being together on a trip
somewhere...ever since dad's business failed...he's been trying harder
to build it up, but i don't think that's what was in store for him...at
the same time, i think he's tried really hard...there's just so much to
say about this that it's erally hard to put it all down in words...
all i want to do right now is to get myself in a position where i can
make them more comfortable in a safer environment where OUR home is and
will be...where i can say, "I'm going home" and mean it. I hate
saying, "I'm going home" and meaning that I'm going home to a rented
apartment with nothing that any one of us wants in the home...But until
we can get somewhere, that's how it's going to be...i think this year
off and spending a lot of it with mom and dad have opened up my eyes
and have made me desire to stay with them all throughout my life...and
so it's really time for me to start doing the things i want, or at
least start setting up a future to where i can do the things i want...
*sigh* am i living in a bubble world?
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