Interests:becoming better friends with Jesus, my wonderful family, violin, photography, making 'creations' with pictures, traveling, nature, reading, Celtic music, Scotland in general, George MacDonald, singing, learning, driving through sleeping towns, feet, dreams, children of all colors and shapes, donkey ears, fairies...
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Make not of thy heart a casket,
Opening seldom, quick to close;
But of bread a wide-mouthed basket,
Or a cup that overflows.
-"Thy Heart," MacDonald Expertise:being Cinderella and managing to repeatedly stick my foot in my mouth Occupation:Student Industry:Hospitality
it's singular. and it's the 18th of April. and that's next Saturday. and it's pretty much a big deal. and i'm kinda sorta trying not to freak out. the end! -me
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Love is different than I thought.
No, I’m not talking about romantic love. Silly. I know what that is. ;) (jk! Lol! hahhhhh...) I’m
talking about God’s love. Ya know, when we were kids….the way we thought our
parents showed us the MOST love was by giving us the things we wanted. Or just
random good things. Like, when I’d ask for candy at the store and Daddy would
buy it for me…oh, that meant my Daddy loved me. Or when I would ask for a
cookie and Momma would give me two. Definitely the epitome of love…..to a six
year old.
But, it’s time to grow up. And put away “childish things.”
And it is time for me to realize how God really loves me. So, He figured it was
time to show me how much He loves me. And, trust me, this is so completely
different than what I thought.
I thought God loved me by giving me sunny days, good
friends, a marvelous family, opportunities in this world, daffodils in the
Spring, and fulfilled dreams.
Yeah, that’s love. Most definitely. But, there is a
different side that I am learning…and it involves pain. Now, according to my
and the world’s views, pain and love should never be in the same sentence.
Unless it involved “I love you, so I am getting rid of your pain.” I’m learning
God sees things differently than this world, though. And He acts differently
than the people in this world. See, God’s love…is so powerful. So IT. That He sees the pain on the path in
front of us and leads us right. into. it. Sometimes, He even has to push us
into the painful situation, because He knows if we had the choice…we would
never choose pain over bliss. I was so hurt….to think that my God, who WAS
love, could be doing this to me…could be purposely putting this awful situation
full of hurt, and heartache into my life. He made me face it. Every day. I was
mad…and that may be a mild term, actually. Furious. Let down by God. More pain
and hurt. Yeah…I wasn’t a happy girl.
I was pushed into pain. So I took it out on God and the
people around me.
No, God wasn’t going to just let me sit there and seethe.
Ha! I begin going back over my prayer journals….since I wasn’t feeling very
prayerful at the time (kinda happens when I put up many walls of bitterness).
When I read the prayers I had written down, I was shocked. I had been
praying….all last year….for so many things. Like, “God, I want to know you
better,” “Father, don’t let me be comfortable in my relationship with you,”
“God, don’t let anything come between us,” and “Father, if it’s not you…take it
away…”
This pain…..was God answering my hearts cry. My deepest hearts cry……the cries of my soul
that I couldn’t always express. God heard them. And was responding….in His
time, using His methods. He knows the things I need to go through to get to the
point where I have the kind of relationship with Him that He longs for….full of
passion, enjoyment, exuberance, and….love.
I am humbled.
And honored.
And truly, deeply blessed.
To know God.
And love Him.
But, mostly…..I am speechless with gratitude…..for the way
He loves me.
He is desirable in every way.
Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend. [song of solomon 5.16]
- the beginning of this semester is grand - classes will be hard...mostly Medical Physiology - I get to have 7 hours of Med Phys lecture a week! haha - at least it is really interesting :] - Jesus has really been visible lately - I know He's always there. and He's always great. - I think I'm just learning to see and listen. - I guess you could say I am seeking...and finding... - friends are lovely. I've got some true ones, too. :] - I have really been missing my family a lot lately. - I am in Kokomo for the weekend (as I am most weekends) - but it's only us three girls here right now. - Kiwi's puppies are ADORABLE: Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Dancer :] - 24 has been fun to watch! - Anita is going to make chinese food tonight...including sushi. i'm excited. - anyway, this was just a few key points...mainly I have been enjoying Jesus and His Kingdom. It truly is the most wonderful thing/aspect of life ever. don't ever stop searching for more, people. don't ever become comfortable in where you are in wisdom, love, hope, and faith. enjoy Jesus, my friends. no matter what happens.
"aaaaah! now you're 20!" mom "i know..." me "that's old enough to get married." mom "no.............." me "it isn't?" mom "well....is it?" me "no!" mom
It is now 2009. And as I read through my journal from last year, I run across this poem above. It is seven months later, and God has answered that prayer. And it did not withstand the fire....but was consumed.
The following verses were some God used last year to speak to me.....and I understand now.
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" It is not God! Therefore, it must be smashed to bits." Hosea 8:6b
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“Look around at the nations; look and be amazed! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it." Habakkuk 1:5
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“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
“The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands! Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow. Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up. These events will bring great honor to the Lord’s name; they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.” Isaiah 55:8-13
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"For I hold you by your right hand— I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you." Isaiah 41:13
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"Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge.
I said to the Lord, “You are my Master! Every good thing I have comes from you.” The godly people in the land are my true heroes! I take pleasure in them! Troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods. I will not take part in their sacrifices of blood or even speak the names of their gods.
Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine. The land you have given me is a pleasant land. What a wonderful inheritance!
I will bless the Lord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety. For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your holy one to rot in the grave. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever." Ps 16
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and for 2009? The verse of the year is Ps 57:8-11
Wake up, my soul! Wake up, O harp and lyre! I will waken the dawn with my song. I will thank you, Lord, in front of all the people. I will sing your praises among the nations. For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens. May your glory shine over all the earth.
