really really sorry everybody (which is probably not that many people now cause i haven't updated in 2months but that'snotmy fault. i'm at halli's house now abusingmy privelages.i jus wantedto put this on here tosay sorry and i'll try to write something assoon asi can.

pardonthe screwups. weird keyboard.

love much, dave

"But I know the rage that drives you. That impossible anger strangling the grief, until the memory of your loved one is just... poison in your veins. And one day, you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed so you'd be spared your pain." Henri Ducard (the real Raz Al'gul) in Batman Begins

i watched that movie 2x before i realized exactly what he was saying. i think that is my favorite movie quote to date cause not only does it sound really cool in the movie, it can be taken out and applied to everyday life.

i know i'm not one for sentimentalism on this thing but the occasion hit uncomfortably close to home......as some of you know, a teacher at grace died 2 weeks ago. normally death in and of itself doesn't bother me but when someone close to either me or people close to me passes away.......reality gives me a swift kick. i don't know bout you guys but i don't like being kicked. the reality of the situation was that.....death is most likely imminent. unless Jesus comes back before we die then.....we gonna die. period, the end. a depressing statement, i know, but true. and something we all have to come to terms with. keep in mind though, if the path is straight the plane will take off and soar into the heavens without a problem. a crooked runway will make the plane go haywire and crash back into the earth in a huge fireball........yet another depressing statement, but bear with me on this.              
              once you come to terms with your own time you can then begin preparing yourself for the time of other people. i'm not saying meditate on the death of your grandparents, i'm jus suggesting that when/if it does happen we won't make the mistake that bruce did in the movie. if all we remember of our loved ones are things concerning their death and the negative feelings around that we really will catch ourselves wishing they wouldn't have existed so it wouldn't hurt so much. see how this is making sense? after a parent has died some people act as though the world has ended and they're gonna fall apart and satan's comin back as soon as they stop crying.......so they never stop.

PEOPLE AREN'T PUT ON EARTH TO DIE. WE'RE PUT HERE TO PRAISE AND GLORIFY A CREATOR THAT KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING DESPITE WHAT ANYONE MAY THINK. WE'RE HERE TO SHAPE AND FORM EACH OTHER INTO WHO WE WILL EVENTUALLY BECOME BECAUSE WITHOUT FAMILY AND FRIENDS WE WOULD BE NOTHING.

there......is my point coming through more now?

if someone close to me died tomorrow (i pray noone does) but if they do, granted, i'll be sad and depending on the person somewhat angry.......but i won't regret getting to know and love that person. not once in this rant did i say being emotional was wrong. Mr. Ducard said resenting someone's existence because it hurts us is wrong. <<that, my friends, is just plain selfish.

i don't want anyone to die. i hope nobody i know does. in fact it would be marvelous if Jesus came back and we were all brought up into heaven while swimming or......i dunno, playing scrabble, anything. the point is we should embrace the time we had with them and make the best of their efforts. after all.....they did spend a lifetime making us over.

halli wrote somethin along these lines in her latest entry. she was talking about Willow and how everyone was so sad concerning her death and whatnot. she made some mistakes and how many people learned from them?.......go to pineville and find out how many people stopped drinking or driving without a license because of what happened to her. i guarantee you the number will be below my age.....16, for you strangers.

Learn from the mistakes of others. Make the best of lives well-lived.

......and all God's people said....

Amen.

love much, dave

Currently Listening Speak For Yourself By Imogen Heap, Imogen Heap Just for Now see related

SO...........PEOPLE

........i wish people could convey thoughts and emotions to each other at any time or place regardless of every sort of factor that would influence my idea. this would make things so much easier. (it's a solution to my hatred for phones, at any rate)

sometimes i feel almost helpless because i know i can't help someone. sometimes they just don't tell you even though you have every intention of doing your best to help them. i wish i could read minds. people can't say things sometimes because they don't feel comfortable saying it. this way i could help people that won't help themselves.

there's no way to say what i'm tryin to get across without sounding extremely self-centered but for the sake of this entry imma say it. and if you're reading this you should know me well enough to know what i'm trying to get across.

i wish everybody trusted me enough to tell me all their problems. i want to be the person anyone can come to with any sort of problem. people say how nobody would understand them if they voiced their problems. i guarantee there's a person who would if not understand then at least feel what's wrong for every person who has a problem. not everybody believes that person exists. everybody wants someone to fix everything. only God can do that, but people.......people can listen. just getting something off your chest helps.....i don't care who you are. telling someone about anything will help......i promise. so much pain could be avoided if........

i know this isn't anywhere near what you guys are used to reading but.........this stuff is always on my mind, so there you go. 

"Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now"

Vincent as sung by Josh Groban

love much, dave

Currently Listening They're Only Chasing Safety By UnderOath Young and Aspiring see related

ya know.......i used to think of myself as a "practicing counselor." what i mean by that is, i used to think i was able to fix everyone's problems. if someone was having a bad day i'd tell myself i could probly fix whatever problem they were going through. i observed people: how they talked, walked, ate, whatever. i'm not stalker i just noticed those things. 

i'd say that phase was about a year or so ago......if not a year and a half. i really did think i could fix everything........boy....little did i know. i was smited/smitten/smoted (how do you say that?) near the end of this phase with a few problems of my own. what they were shall not be disclosed for my own intents and purposes but uh, the point is my problems turned me on myself. i began scrutinizing my every move. why i did this this way, who i spoke to about what, which way i looked before crossing the street, which boxers i'd wear on what day......you get the picture. all of those things proved to me that i couldn't fix everything and that i wasn't supposed to. they also showed me how little i knew about myself.......so......if i knew so little about myself how much did i really know about other people?........not a freakin thing. i basically had to start over only this time i made no assumptions or judgements or anything because i knew i'd probly regret it. in the midst of all this i started noticing how much i had discovered about myself.

(stay with me here people, i know this is a weird topic but i'm going somewhere with it.......i think.)

 one thing i did pick up on was this. it takes people awhile to find out who they are, what kind of person they want to be. anyone could see that i just looked too hard. we hafta give people time to "find themselves." this year seems to be the year. personalities are beginning to form more so than they were. i'm beginning to see what kind of people my friends are going to be........it's kinda cool. at the same time i'm finding out what kind of person i want to be. thankfully i have some guidelines (copyright, God)  

i know this isn't a normal update but it's been awhile since i got on my soapbox. this entry was cut in half cause right in the middle i went to the bowling alley so you'll have to forgive it's lack of......length, much less funny content. i promise the next one will be funnier.......as long as i don't have to cut my hair.

love much, dave 

Currently Listening All's Well That Ends Well By Chiodos #6 see related

I got a new jacket

I got a new jacket today.

....................................................................................................................uh...

It is from Express.

......i can't think of a good filler.

It is cream colored with a black emblem asymetrically placed on the  front of it depicting a lion surrounded by black paraphernalia framing the phrase "to rule is not to reign."

i would start my actual entry here but i honestly don't know how to start.

I have been wearing it all day.

and i don't think this is gonna be a serious entry. it'll probly end up bein another orgy of my thoughts funded by annenberg CPB to advance excellent teaching, and censored by ABC. (duh!)

For a jacket it was rather pricy, but I needed a new one.

our belated valentines banquet was held tonight. i got to wear a penguin suit and put people in their places. (H! yeah, negros) i served food and cleaned up afterwards. i seriously think i could become a millionaire if i trained in the art of......."waitering"

My jacket it quite warm. It kept the 30' wind off of my body.

i had a good time at the banquet but at the same time i wish i could have gone to clay's youth thingy in woodworth. his youth friends are fun. and ashley was there, haven't seen that chick in quite some time and frankly (ha, i made a funny) i kinda miss her. but hey, that's life and i'm still alive so i guess i have no choice but to live it.

on that happy note i better not ever get a call sayin one of you has caused yourself bodily harm on purpose cause if you do.....i'll kill ya.

......i ain't jokin neither.

gay people are kinda.......strange. i realized how weird it made me feel today when i say 2 guys kissing. that was one of the nastier points of my saturday.

on the other hand i got this kick but jacket that i'm STILL wearing and i'm probly gonna be wearing it for a looooong time so be prepared to see me in it lots

i waaaas gonna write an entry and make it all serious but i gave up once i realized how long it would take it. yall don't appreciate these beasts enough. an average entry takes me at least 30 minutes to type.

......ok fine, yall appreciate them way more than they should be but still.........at least i'm consistent about updating every 2 weeks. (and yes, i know i'm 2 days late)

speakin of people i miss......i really miss hannah B....and hannah D........and bamby......and my family that lives in S.C. i haven't seen some o' those people for like 2 years.......i miss 'em

so speakin of bamby....she's like..the coolest chick north of tennessee. yall should definately be friend with her and leave her comments and stuff. she's a wise one in the ways of teenagedom.....plus she can snowboard like a beast and that's just effin awesome.
i do believe her xanga is your_best_kept_secret_2. it's on my subs so hit that up.

oh and guys, pray for hannah B. she's sailin through rough waters, all tossin and turnin and churnin and stuff so for my sake and hers, hit that up too.

........however non-informative all that up yonder looks, that's basically the last 2 weeks in a nutshell.......granted a very segmented and choppy nutshell but it's a shell nonetheless.

once i figure out how to put pics on this bad boy you'll understand a bit better as to what i'm talking about when i say "jump on it! jump on it! jump on it!"

and with that i leave thee, fair readers.

love much, dave