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| It's been really some time since I've blogged. Last year my life was going through its up and down. Resolution for the year 2008, settling down. I'm going to leave everything to fate and live a simple, easy going life. Just being myself, the usual happy go-lucky type. Living life as it is. There is something new, a second person has managed to carve her name deep down in my memory, which will be one of the most treasured memory of my life. Jacintha Wu Jia Xuan, I'm not afraid to let everyone I know, knows about her. She could be the most perfect ideal girl I ever met in history, that is a fact. It's funny, everytime she gets angry, I'm a little happy and get worried a lot. Happy in a sense that I could feel how much she loves me yet worried at the same time that she may get too angry and leave. At the moment, I'm kinda stuck between this two. Joyous fear? From the events of 2007, I have definitely changed. Some for the better and some for the worse. Overall? I don't know. But I think it's all good? I hope. As for the coming year, I wish to be better, though I'm no longer myself. Promise to treat myself better after everything..
I also made a promise to myself, for that special person. It's one of my New Year resolution as well. Whatever the outcome, I'll bear with the consequences. | | |
| I feel that I am really lucky at times. Yea, I am sort of together with her at the moment even though there are some things yet to be done. It's been exactly 16 days since we first known each other and I've got feeling towards her. Haiz, though there is this feeling, I doubt there is any chances. Am I that stupid? Sometimes I think I am. I know I've hurt her feelings and she kept saying she can't overcome it. I don't know what to do at the moment. I'm like a lost sheep wandering around. It's not that I dont want to help her to overcome it, I want to help her anyway possible. It is easy to say but so hard to do. Why must things happen like this? God, why do you always want to toy me around like this? Everytime I put my true feelings in, nothing good ever happens. I ain't gonna give this up but IF I do. . . Damn God, what is the purpose of life? Pointless. Geeze, luckiest man on earth? Yea right.. | | |
| I've got enough!! What the hell am I thinking about?! Geeze, cykick!! Yea, we're all sick and tired of this world, but the show go to go on. There's a lot of things I hate about Life, what's so good about it is only.. *smiles, let's keep it a secret about it* And it's probably the only I ever wish for. I'm literally gonna explode from what's going to be in school but that ain't no excuse to me. I know I could jolly well handle them all. SO STOP BEING AN IDIOT. I gotta stop day-dreaming all the time, it'll not lead me anywhere. Look up ahead, it's all there. The path I'm gonna take, if something good happen, God bless. If not, God ****it. Its all life~ Well, as I'm gonna stick to my resolve, there's definitely need some adjustment to my lifestyle at the moment. No more gaming hardcore nor wasting my life going after illusions. I'm gonna set it straight and hit hard on the ground and lead a lifeless life. If that's what the society wants me to be, so be it. I ain't gonna to go against the flow no more. | | |
| Memories of the past.. Wow, so much memories.. Time flies doesn't it? It's August again, which was about the time AuditionSEA started, which I started to know more friends here. Many things have happened since then. It was when I started to know Darren and Huiling like yesterday. HAHA, still remembering how Darren would always make some comments after the game and suspect people are hacking as always. Not to forget, "You're inhuman if you can chance that fast!" And would still kick my ass in slow songs. Huiling still kick my ass in Audition even now. LoL~ Many matches won and lost, but I'm glad to have them beside me all the time. Then later we started to know more people like Wendy, Huixuan, Shihui, Jindo, Huisan, Benjamin and his girlfriend, Min and her brother with his girlfriend, Dith. I'm sorry if i left someone out, but that's basically the whole gang. Many things have started in the begining to the path of no return. My first person to meet was Darren and Min, it was at Bugis. Three of us sat down at a cafe and enjoy a drink while talking about Audition stuff. LoL~ I had some Green Apple drink, which Min suggested was nice. It was only after a couple of days we had a second meeting, but now with a new member, Huiling. Gosh, she was funny! (If she's reading this now, would probably think I'm weird again. HAHA) It was at Dhoby Ghaut where Darren and I met up with Huiling. Huiling was using her phone throughout the little gathering we had, without ever stop using her phone. Funny thing was Darren was surprise she was still able to use her phone even in the elevator, which he claims there would be "No Signals" at all. I truely enjoyed myself even though the time was kept short, dinner only cause somebody had to go home before 7pm. Then we started going out frequently as the four of us. Sometimes, Huiling would ask me to accompany her to bunk whenever we can. I don't quite remember how we met Wendy, but she would join us at bunk too. It was one of the day where the three of us were in bunk that we met the sisters. HAHA! This is going to be funny! I was seated at a terminal where there were sofas just behind me. Huiling, sat on another table could visibly see me and who was behind me as well. She whispered me that, "Hey, Feedray is behind you." I was like, huh? Who's Feedray? Constantly turning around looking at the people and tried to spy the monitors next to me. I thought they were bypassers and didn't really notice the people who were sitting at the sofa. (Yea, I'm blur like that occassionally.) It was only moments later when I turned a few more times, one of them said, "Hi, Feedray's here" (Or something like that) So, we had a little conversation of me persuading them to play as well. In the end they did and I was like, Oooooo Feedray! Yea, I got to see the character with the names before I can remember things. XD. It was then we would hold larger gathering and it would always be outside Bunk. That's our gathering point before going anywhere. I remember there was once when we were eating at the kopitiam in Plaza Singapura, where Huixuan wouldn't stop laughing cause of what Darren said or something! She just couldn't stop!! And when she finish her laughter, I continued eating my noodles. I had a spoon of noodles in my mouth before taking it out, I noticed I was being stared at by Huixuan. I was trying to hold my laughter cause the food was still in my mouth, I couldn't just spit them out, could I?! Then all of a sudden, she burst into laughter again! How helpful~ Yea, that was when there were tears coming out from my eyes cause I was like chocking. Luckily, no soup went into my nose or have anyone perform CPR on me. Yes, I know what Saint John is now, thanks to somebody who OMG, you don't know Saint John!? Hmmm, yea, outside bunk is where we would normally gather before heading out to places like MINDS or elsewhere. There were also a couple of events where Darren and I did silly stuff, LoL~ Those were beautiful memories aren't they? After all those events, more people entered our little circle. Of course, there were problems like Harry Potter and Voldemort, me getting beaten up at East Coast, Jindo with Huisan, creation of the inactive Joker guild which was originally the wu gui party. LoL~ So much memories filled within the year and I didn't really noticed it. It was about June, I left AuditionSEA. It was also around there that our circle slowly dissipated and where most of us went back to leading our own lives. I wasn't the only one who didn't show up in the last couple of gathering, but even if I do go. It seems to me things are normal only on the surface, where in fact beneath everyone's surface, they have their own problems. I guess that's what brought us together, like what Shihui said something like, it's probably in our similiarity of our problems that we're bounded together. (Was she the one who said that? Maybe, maybe not. Well someone did mentioned that to me.) All of us are just running and running from our personal problems. Now, I'm somewhat returned to starting line where I started running last year. Nothing much have changed within me, except with the fact that those people around me have carried on with their own lives, just like me. Should I carry on running around aimlessly? I really don't know.. All I know is, we can't turn back time to those happy memories of the past. Nothing last forever. I've some regrets of the choices I've made, but it's alright. ^^ Nobody is 100% satisfied with their life either, thus I should bare the consequences of my own choices. How I wish those happy memories last.. =)) And everyone back to the way it was, but of course, don't ask for the impossible because nothing last forever right? =) | | |
| Hmmm, I've already decided. I'm going to stick dead to my resolve. Nothing more then that. No more problems whatsoever. Cause I've add something new to my resolve, that is totally focusing on studying and no time for others. Today, I went out with Png for dinner. Gosh you wouldn't believe the traffic in Bugis!! We had pastamania then headed to Katong to play some pool. HAHA~ Watch my horrible shots, I could barely pocket any balls. Meantime, Png talked to me about business stuff. I told him yea, I would be interested. Totally agree with him that we're a couple of years early. Gotta stable down first. At the moment, I'm just a student without any form of income.
He spark of another interested topic. He asked me how am I with my girlfriend. So I told him, I broke up and the stories so forth. He mentioned something which I should totally consider about in the future. I take him as my personal advisor.. ^^ He's like an elder brother to me. Wouldn't even let me pay for the pool session at all, instead I offered him a ride home. =) After much thoughts.. I ended up with, yea. I should stick to my resolve just to study. If that person (no.2) can do it, so can I. I should follow no.2 and try not to lose to no.1. What's the difference between no.1 and 2? They're both nice and caring girls who actually helped me in times when I wasn't even aware of. I doubt they are aware of it either. It was only after Png mentioned something that I realized something. I am closer to No.2 then No.1. If you want to know who they are.. No.2 is somebody who used to read my blog but as for now I'm not quite sure. I guess I somewhat like her. I shall not release anymore hints otherwise it'll become obvious, nor am I going to say if to whatever your guesses are correct or not. Who knows? Thanks ***.. I'll wait for the time before I approach you, which won't be anytime soon. I think there's time and I'll patiently wait even if you have a boyfriend or not I'll still wait till I'm ready and a better man. Status: Single + unavailable.
Wooo.. The moment I finished blogging, No.1 logged on msn. HAHAHA, with a new display picture of herself. Ain't she pretty as usual? ^^ Thought she (private blog), apparently I was mistaken. I hope none (private blog) read this.. XD They'll defintely find out who No.1 is. Encrypt encrypt!! for safety.. ^^ I'll write more in private blog.. =DD | | |
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