Just found out that xanga has added so many new features and became so cool! So I am starting to wonder Why and when did I abandon xanga at some point in the past? yeah...I think I remember.. After one overwhelming summer that did bend my life to a different path, I gave up on xanga and turned to the crap MSN space. And after all these 2 years I have been through, it turned out to be that I have been stupid to give up who I really am by involved myself in an ugly and pointless war. Just like I decided to stop using xanga around the similiar point of time. But now since all the bad stuff are starting to fade into ancient history, and it seems that I can finally let go all the damages and chaoses behind and move on. I guess it is the time to make a new start. DD_QQ: weblog - photos - videos - audio - pulse - profile - subscribe!
DD_QQ
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Name: Claire
Country: China
Metro: Chongqing
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MSN: dingdingqq119@hotmail.com
Member Since:
3/16/2004
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Perfect.
Go ahead and make me an evil.
If that could make u feel better even just a bit abt urself.
I think life is a complex thing..
When I didn't manage to find any intern or placement for this summer..
I kinda felt like a loser.
However now I found one and after all the exams I just have to prepare for it..
And there I go.
Somehow when I am this close to my previous taret.I felt no excitement.
Moreover..it seems that I am about to be swallowed by a great sense of insecurity
I don't know whether I am having some kind of after-exam complex or..sth
I felt really bad for not doing anyting that is not productive..
And felt guilty for not doing anything that needs to be done immediately..
On the other hand I am pursuading myself I deserve a break..
BUT i just can't escape from the fear that the break would go on forever and leaving me with a hell lot of un-done business.
Maybe for a lazy-ass like me this kind of feeling is actually a good sign??
- -;;..... 
After all I guess I just want to be like the old lazy me who may be a loser on one side but can just go back home, depend on family and friends..not have to worry abt insecurity in a familiar environment and enjoy a simple life...
But I also know when I am really practically able to do that I won't feel that happy..
Oh..well..
human beings are just contridictory..
And life is fair..most of the time u just can't have both..
I guess I just have to be more independent..
And learn to enjoy the present to the max. extent 
Cos there r ppl important to me that just wanna see me all fine and happy.
And I don't want to let them down. 
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