|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| almost healed.
but not quite.
| | |
| i'm absolutely loving the life of being a student again. mondays are fantastic- one class at noon and i'm free for the rest of the day. can it get any better than this?
the other students i've met in the msw program at berkeley are incredible- all bleeding hearts (like me) who are so passionate about helping people and changing the world, intelligent, thoughtful, and really experienced in the field. the professors in the program are undeniably brilliant and ooze warmth and charisma all over the place. feeling totally inspired and have no regrets about deciding to go here.
i know i originally wanted to go to columbia for grad school because i've fallen in love with the idea of living in new york. but looking back, it's not worth being in debt for the rest of my life and to be honest, i don't think i'd be able to concentrate on my studies because i'd want to experience everything that new york has to offer. would probably be overwhelmed by all the stimulation and distracted by wanting to go out all the time.
i'm all about connecting with people these days. made some really good friends at school that i connected with instantly. we're constantly laughing, talking, sharing stories, and enjoying each other's company. that's what life is all about, right?
a few days ago, my classmates told me that they were totally intimidated by me at first (because of my tattoos and arm warmers) which i think is hilarious. after getting to know me and realizing how soft i really am on the inside, they dubbed me- the burnt marshmallow. lol.
wallowing in my puddle of dissatisfaction, i'd been saying for so long that i wanted my life to be different. in what ways, i didn't know exactly- i just knew that i wasn't content with the way things were. and this year, it feels like things are actually starting to fall into place. embracing the change.
my friends and i came up with a resolution at the beginning of the year that fits perfectly with how we want to live our lives. the theme of this year is-
do more.
do different.
whatever it takes.
where's your sense of adventure?
when i went to greece over the summer, one of my best friends in the world commented on how much i've changed in all the years that i've known him. somehow, somewhere along the way, i slowly but steadily changed from a pessimist who never believed that things were possible into this unshakable optimist anchored with all the hope in the world and the deep belief that things will always turn out ok in the end.
not sure how that happened...all i know is that life is a lot easier and happier when you're an optimist. i like it.
highs as of late:
dancing in the rain in all our carefreeness at 2nd sunday. lisa shaw, david harness, miguel migs- dancing to dope ass house music that makes you feel a part of something great. the tsc crew- spoiled from having the best seats in the house at yoshi's to see foreign exchange. instant connections- meeting yum, cece, and the other marshmallow. discovering the orange room. spending the gorgeous day at baker beach with east bay krew. han and j's wedding. flowers galore. spending the weekend with my childhood friends in a kick ass apartment suite in ghiradelli square. tart and pomegranate-rasberry yogurt with strawberries and mango at yogurtland. late-night phone conversations in bed. wine night with friends. site visit to a homeless shelter for class- heart-breaking but touching at the same time. feeling inspired by all the new people and friends in my life for which i'm grateful. no regrets. sometimes, it feels illegal to be having this much fun.
lows:
no more tolerance for drama. things getting messy and complicated when they don't have to be. realizing that it's too late. can't deal with the emotional immaturity of other people. awkwardness. | | |
| there is so much to say but i'm not quite sure where to start. so many changes in the past year- i never thought i'd end up here. finally.
for the first time in my life, at age 29, i can finally say that i've become completely comfortable in my own skin. which is a grand statement to make, considering how self-destructive and lost i used to feel. what's changed, u ask?
i know who i am. i know what i have to offer. and if you don't like it, then you can just fuck off. gone are the days when i bent over backwards to make everyone happy at my own expense. gone are the days that i swallowed my feelings to keep the peace and avoid conflict.
this is me. just me. and you may like it or not. but in the end, what's most important is that i've finally learned to love myself.
which feels like a kind of freedom i've never felt before. impervious, untouchable almost.
and for the first time since i was 16, i'm single. just got out of a relationship a couple months ago. shattered my heart to pieces but i know, without a doubt, that it was the right decision to make.
i love him (and always will) but i also know that he will never love me the way i need to be loved. it just wasn't enough.
still holding onto some resentments over our issues but in time, am working on letting them go. so i can be free.
this is the year that i learn not to depend on other people for my own happiness. am determined to stay single for a while- to live, love, get to know people, have fun, grow, and to just be.
so this is my attempt to get back into writing. to disentangle the muddled thoughts and flesh out the introspection.
cheers to new beginnings. i'm excited for what's to come. :)
| | |
|  childhood friends. | | |
| "That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!"
-calvin & hobbes
| | |
|
