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Fr0sTwoLf
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Name: Tien
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Peoria
Birthday: 3/30/1989
Interests:
Age: 16
Sophmore @ Dunlap
Music I'm into: Emo/Punk
Instrumentals:Guitar & Piano
I love DDR but too lazy to play it by myself
Sports: Bball & Track
Instrumental: My Acoustic Electric Guitar
Mascot: Dunlap Eagles
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Bands I Like:
- Straylight Run
- The Academy Is...
- FM Static
- My Chemical Romance
- The Used
- Hellogoodbye
- The All American Rejects
- Green Day
- Something Corporate
- Dashboard Confessionals
- Taking Back Sunday
- Yellowcard
- The Ataris
- Mae
- The Forecast
- The Postal Service
- Jet
- Blink 182
- Switchfoot
- Coldplay
- Senses Fail
- The Format
- Hot Hot Heat
Expertise:
Raven.Megan Ray.
Ruixuan.
Mark.
Capt.Jules.
Ryann.
Moop.
Fifi.
Jin.
Sarah.
Sam.
David.
Susan.
Carrie.
PN.
Miss Chia.
Tricia.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Computers (Internet)
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Frostwolf89
MSN: kenshi_89@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  kenshi8902
Member Since:
9/7/2003
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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| PN tagged me. and i thought it was about time i wrote back in here. i realise most people dont read this cept you lovely SG people. so heres to you friends.
1. Do the following WITHOUT complains.
2. Choose 5 persons to do this after you complete yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.
I HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY PN
Favourites
Favourite Colour: Blue
Favourite Food: Anything thats a meat really..
Favourite Song: Too many.. but i guess i should put one for the sake of it.
A Fist Fight For Our Fathers By The Forecast
Favourite Movie: Have a list, but one of the best ones has to be Garden State
Favourite Sport: Basketball
Favourite Day of the Week: Friday or Saturday
Favourite Season: Summer... cause we do nothing
Favourite Ice Cream: Java Chip anything.
Currents
Current Mood: Emo
Current Taste: Tropical Twist Gum
Current Clothes: T-shirt, Old Navy Shorts.
Current Desktop: Blue cause it slows my compy otherwise
Current Toenail Colour: Normal =P (goodpointpn)
Curent Time: 11.46PM
Current Surroundings: Room
Current Annoyances: Love, band, love, love, and, love.
Current Thoughts: What did i do wrong. That someones going to get hurt again. Why did shae basically demote me and ruixuan, mark's lucky, libby wouldnt mess up lexi's hair, i hate love. [literally all this]
First
First Best Friends: Maybe the firsts in some stages of my life...
Primary school - PN, Carrie, Brit, JY
i have many.. many friends, but no main best friends other then back in pri school.
First Crush: Some girl in kindergarden. dont wanna know
First Movie: Ice Age with .. han ling
First Lie: maybe something to do with grades.
First Music: Oldies
Lasts
Last Cigarette: NIL
Last Drink: 7-Up
Last Car Ride: Just now
Last Crush: ... what do you constitute of crush. Lexi as in crush. Erin as in, crusher of my life.
Last Movie: Cars w/ my cous in Australia
Last Phone Call: Andrea Goswick.
Last CD played: The Forecast - In The Shadow Of Two Gunmen
Have you ever
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: ... no
Have you ever broken the law: Yes
Have you ever been arrested: No
Have you ever skinny-dipped: No
Have you ever been on TV: Maybe
Have you ever kissed someone you dont know: No
5 things you are wearing: necklase, pen, phone, gum, pencil
4 things you done today: Went to band. Went to allie's house. Entertained ranier adam beth. Turned emo.
3 things you can hear right now: My music, the hum of the lights, the hum of the air conditioning
1 thing you do when you are bored: Myspace.
Okay. I tag...Everyone that reads this. | | |
| Sometimes, i stop short and think about life. thinking, have i really made a mark on this world. Some people work so hard all their lives to create that one great invention, that one life altering event, etc etc etc.
I think this is mine, to affect everyone i've ever known in a positive way. I'm not going to wait till im old and gather all my resources and launch them in ONE attempt, I'm going to make my presence known all my life, to let people look upon life like i do for others, that theres so much hope and that not all people are bad, we all make mistakes and theres hate, anger, dissention because of that, but it can all change, we can all forgive, and learn. its just how big your heart is willing to change.
im not going to launch into my change is scary speech.
I dont know. i just hope i'm living my life right, i know i've wasted alot of the past 6 months..enough.
Anyways, onwards to what i did yesterday, i... woke up late, decided upon writing blogs again, went to corey's graduation, which was interesting, hung out with kelly, anthony, jack, joey, heather, corey, brittany, trisha, erin, timmy. prob more but none that comes to my mind strongly right now. but in any case, basically spent the day at corey's then left to set up anthony and kelly's 3 months picnic, then ice cream shack to eat, then to brittany's then back to jack's... during this whole time played halo and polished up on some non existant skills... which is interesting now... cause halo is fun. im serious. =]
anyways. not really doing much right now... contemplating falling asleep but who knows..
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| its been nearly 3 months since i wrote in this thing. yeah xanga IS kinda dead. but im coming back to it because im cool. well, actually so i can fully document my summer.
my last real year of summer before being a senior... its such a weird feeling. im finally... old. well okay young to adults but... having being a kid... im an old kid, my last year of.. messing up making mistakes without dreadful consequences, wait no. i take that back. erin changed all that.
The pressures of college is slowing inching up on me, as well as the whole jobless situation. right now i want to shoot every single fucking al queda member just for their actions, causing me my situation of waiting 5 even more fucking years just to get appoved to live in the united states temporarily. seriously. i would be in the army by now to get training so i can fucking kill them all except i cant. cause i dont have green card yet. again, because of those damn fuckers.......
okay okay i know im not suppose to swear.. i'm toning down on that one. theres no maturity shown by swearing.
I've come to a theory to be brutally honest in my blogs, mostly because this is my only records of my life and if i happen to lose my memory, this is all that will sustain and jog it. but along with the fact, im tired. i have nothing to hide. hate me or love me this is who i am.
damn i wish clint was back cause i could sit with him for hours debating such topics of love friendship growing up and other deep stuff. cause i can. cause i'm a thinker, i like talking about stuff like that, i just havent had one in awhile since i talked to kelly.
okay anyways let me start writing about summer.
I'm just adding in sunday cause i thought it was interesting.
Sunday - went out to lunch with my brother, golf with my brother, then took him driving. i think that was the most interraction with my brother i've had all year. how weird is that.
Tues night - did absolutely positively nothing. made me worry that summer is going to be THAT boring.
Wed - crap, i dont remember wednesday at all. i think i did nothing. NO, i take that back! i went out to lunch with kelly and anthony and jack at lou's. then i went to my doc's appointment, then.. i think thats it.
Thursday - went to the spring awards, realized how much things are changing and was kinda sad bout it, went out with zimpy to starbucks, saw megan ray, jacee, mike, mark, caroline, alyssa, natalie, ashley, corrie, and shae at starbucks. after me and zimpy wondered why there was no one in starbucks... totally jinxed it. mwhahaha. well then i hung out with jordan and fifi in the park. i didnt mean to, i kinda just went there to wait to hang out with tea. but w00t w00t. that was cool
Friday - RANIERS POOL PARTY. all of you that didnt go you guys = loser. there was bout 3 bands that played and a whole bunch of people... i really really really dont wanna start typing out all your names but i love you all. between the whole time i was driving around with jon fifi jordan and carissa... who loves my car =P anyways after the party me jordan mark and carissa went to walmart, got stuff, we drove to her house, then me and jordan left to say hi to nick and lauren for awhile, then back to schrader's. mark drew a flippin jolly roger's flag on the back of my leg. random. i know. then we watched prime, well mark left to huey's but then me and schraders watched it. then i left.
thats my days so far. yay for recollection =]
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HOLY SHIT. okay after i posted this, guess what i read on the top of my banner. "Hi Fr0sTwoLf! It's been 1000 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga..."
its 1000 days.
how is this for a 1000 days entry. i think i like it. i'm satisfied.... 1000 days of my life. interesting.
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| How appropriate to write in here, perhaps my last entry of my life. When i started life in the US, here was where i first blogged. How appropriate to end it here. Indeed at this point, im at an all time low, If i live, then this, this will be deleted. But here it goes..
This is my story, well the slight part of it.
I fell for Erin when i shouldnt have,
I lost her trust doing what i thought was right to save her life.
Everyone makes mistakes, but she will not believe it.
So she hates me, wants me out of her life.
Pretty much dead and gone would be nice.
I had my momentary deep conversation with Clint Copple today, meeting him for the first time in my life, really meeting him after knowing who he was since freshmen year.
According to him, and please beg to differ if you think so, Every class, has its popular kid, who everyone knows their name. In my class it was me.
Alot of my life, literally is spent,
not for my improvement, not for my self worth,
but rather i live mine, to enrich others,
to save others as much as i can,
to be there for them,
to care.
I realize yes, why would i kill myself, when so many has it worse then me.
then i think, why am i still alive, when mostly, most of my arguements with myself, to stay, to stay on, is all for everyone around me, we all say, treasure the things you have, you never know when its gone. i wish i could be gone, what stops me everytime is that there are people that love me, or care for me.
but to a degree, erin is right. No one really truely cares, when your gone, they cant stop you, your gone. who will know really, no one would.
I look at myself, and think, what have i done lord, what have i done so henious a crime, so sinful a deed, to forever be put down, allow myself to be put down, no matter how much i wish there would be just peace, to never have love.
For a second, i would think people cared, would care if i die, i mean everyone cares for the first few moments, they'll get over it. Who has really been close to me and understand everything i've been going through since day one, who really knows me.
Answer? No one. No one bothers to really know me. and yet, i've gone out, gotten to know so many people, bothered to know their lives, look after them and hold out the helping hand no matter what, no matter how.
So why, why do i bother to be here. I dont know.. I used to think, well maybe things will get better, it cant get any worse. well it has gotten worse. its never gotten better. i repeatedly let myself be trampled upon, said too many wrong things, fucked up too many times, so here it is.
I wish to rid myself from this world, no you'll say, your a good person you help so many people and people love you.
Bullshit.
i would say prove it, actually i do. because theres nothing to prove.
you'll say this is for attention?
No, this is not just for the attention. This is a plea for attention, to be noticed yes. but im already noticed. This is a plea for people who care to give a fuck for me in their life.
People say they do, well obviously not if i just feel like crap and wanting to die so fucking much.
I've had nothing bad happen to me. not like so many other people, divorce, rape, accidents, abuse, molestations, stavation, etc etc etc etc.
But im tired. I'm tired of being the nice person everyone knows. I'm just tired, cause i have no life, no idea of life, and frankly, just so tired. I'm ready to get out of this race, i've given up.
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| 4 Jobs I’ve Had…
- uh, ... photographer
- driver
- snowball leader
- Life changer.
4 Movies I’d Watch Over Again…(i watch them anyways, i download them on my computer ... hehe)
- Donnie Darko
- A Walk to Remember
-Mr & Mrs Smith
- Love Actually
4 Places I Have Lived…
- Singapore
- Australia
- China
- Peoria
4 TV Shows I Like To Watch…
Eh i dont watch tv.... but cartoons would cut it all.
4 Places I’ve Been on Vacation…
- Australia
- China
- Canada
- i dunno more places in china
4 Websites I Visit Daily...
- xanga
- myspace
- gmail
- hotmail
4 My Favorite Foods
- Spaghetti
- Chickenish yeah
- i dunno, anything with meat
- i'm such a carnivor
4 Places I want to Go Right Now
- Toronto
- Syndey
- Singapore
- My Dad's land...
4 People I Tag (mwhaha the possibilities, not really)
- Susan Xu,
- Moop
- Wendy
- Ruixuan
Seeky this is for you (tell me as soon as you read this and i'll take it offline
Frostwolf89 (7:49:08 AM):
give me one oppotunity to talk to you in person alone and thats it, i just need
to talk to you one last time. because things have happened last night that made
me realize.
Frostwolf89 (7:49:25 AM): give me one
oppotunity and i'll be out forever if thats what you want.
Erin (7:50:11 AM): why the fuck should i?
Frostwolf89 (7:50:24 AM): because
then you'll be rid of me after forever.
Erin (7:50:44 AM): well if i'm just
gonna be rid of you then what's the point of it
Frostwolf89 (7:51:05 AM): beacuse i
want to explain things.
Erin (7:51:15 AM): explain what?
Erin (7:51:23 AM): there's nothign you can explain
Erin (7:51:26 AM): and nothing i want to hear
Frostwolf89 (7:51:48 AM): look your tired of me bothering you so just give me
this one last time and you dont ever have to hear from me again if thats the
case.
Erin (7:52:03 AM): i don't want to
give you one last time
Frostwolf89 (7:53:05 AM): .... please
give me this.
Erin (7:53:11 AM): why?
Erin (7:53:14 AM): you don't deserve
this
Frostwolf89 (7:53:19 AM): yes i do.
Erin (7:53:27 AM): how the fuck do
you?
Frostwolf89 (7:53:52 AM): because im
not as bad as you think i am.
Frostwolf89 (7:55:58 AM): one last
time. im not asking for an oppotunity to be your friend. im asking for one last
time to talk to you, in person, alone, about everything
Erin (7:56:16 AM): and why can't you talk
right now?
Frostwolf89 (7:56:28 AM): how much of
this will you really listen
Frostwolf89 (7:56:37 AM): how much of
this will you believe.
Erin (7:56:51 AM): probably none
Frostwolf89 (7:57:30 AM): thats
it, i just want one, final last chance for you to listen, to everything i have
to say, and i'll be gone.
Erin (7:57:41 AM): we don't have to
do that in person
Frostwolf89 (7:58:03 AM): you wouldnt
understand the emotions and the effort i'll put into this.
Erin (7:58:19 AM): it's not that i
wouldn't understand
Erin (7:58:22 AM): i just don't care
Frostwolf89 (7:58:49 AM): .... okay
we can do it right now but i need truthful answers from you too please.
Erin (7:59:05 AM): umm.. well i doubt
you'll get that
Frostwolf89 (7:59:33 AM): open up
your mind and remain neutral to what i say for the last time please.
Erin (7:59:44 AM): umm.. ok whatever
Frostwolf89 (7:59:50 AM): seriously.
Erin signed off at 8:02:13 AM.
Erin signed on at 8:06:01 AM.
Erin (8:06:43 AM): sorry
Erin (8:07:20 AM): or not
Erin (8:07:20 AM): okay
Erin (8:07:20 AM): i'm gonna go
Erin (8:07:20 AM): bye
Frostwolf89 (8:07:24 AM): no
Frostwolf89 (8:07:28 AM): im typing a huge thing
Erin (8:07:33 AM): ok
Erin (8:07:35 AM): you have fun witht hat
Frostwolf89 (8:07:38 AM): .....
Erin is away at 8:07:44 AM.
Frostwolf89 (8:07:45 AM): let me
finish please
Auto response from Erin (8:07:46 AM):
stupid fucker...
Erin (8:07:53 AM): have a fucking
party with it
Frostwolf89 (8:07:55 AM): .....
Frostwolf89 (8:08:03 AM): would you give me this bloody last chance
Frostwolf89 (8:08:18 AM): and stop rushing me becausae then you dont hav to
deal with me ever again
Erin (8:08:23 AM): ok fine whatever
Frostwolf89 (8:13:07 AM): when i first met you, i thought you were someone i
could just talk to cause you'll understand, that turned into something else,
emotions, feelings for you which i definately shouldnt have had, due to you
having a relationship. When you trusted me somewhat, i treasured that, i truely
did, i felt privilaged out of everyone you could talk to, you talked to me. you
were one of the most wonderful person that has indeed come into my life, and i
will not shirk from that.
Frostwolf89 (8:13:09 AM): then i met andrea,
through you. i used to think of her just as the girlfriend, not a person and by
knowing her, the guilt i felt was overwhelming. when i told her, i didnt know
you were both not truely over, she assured me you both were, thus the only
reason why i would say it. i dont know, i rid myself of the guilt, but i didnt
think of the bigger consequences that would result from it. and that week was
the very same week that she had to deal with the AIDS testing, and she
completely tried to cut off all communications between both of us. which
freaked me out.. because you've told me more then once before that if she left
you, you would kill yourself, that you had nothing more to live for, nothing
would be able to stop you or hold you back
I told anna, fei fei and jordan, in hopes they'll protect you, that they'll
look after you and stop you if you tried to, because you were furious with me
and pretty much wouldnt talk to me, nothing.. i wouldnt betray your trust for
anything, but at that moment, because i realise if i didnt do something, you
could be dead. and i never wanted to do it. because that trust was something i
had. not anyone else. i didnt want to give it up. but if you were dead and
gone, it would be useless. that is my only reasoning, this was during the week
you wouldnt talk to me and give me a 2nd chance, i felt, so relieved when you
did, but then took it back the very same day, beacuse you believed i betrayed
you again. i didnt. it was all before. i know how much it takes you to just
even trust someone, after everything you've been through and you would rather
hole up and not let anyone near you. i never knew how much, till last night.
and in this, all this, i sincerly apologize for everything. i just want you to
know, i didnt do this because i could, to backstab or whatever you might think
it is, i did this, so you might live another day, because your worth that much
more in life.
Erin (8:14:54 AM): ok
Frostwolf89 (8:15:26 AM): i've said
my piece, if you still want me gone, tell me now and i'll leave forever.
Erin (8:15:59 AM): so waht you
think a bunch of words is gonna change anything?
Frostwolf89 (8:16:04 AM): no
Erin (8:16:10 AM): exactly
Frostwolf89 (8:16:23 AM): i just hope
you'll read this, maybe understand it.
Frostwolf89 (8:16:45 AM): because if
this hatred of me is based on me betraying you, i want you to know for what
reason.
Erin (8:16:59 AM): ok great
Erin (8:17:06 AM): either way you
still betrayed me
Frostwolf89 (8:17:08 AM): ....
Erin (8:17:11 AM): you lost all trust
Frostwolf89 (8:17:14 AM): you think i
will again.
Erin (8:17:15 AM): you lost a
friendship
Erin (8:17:17 AM): and you lost me
Frostwolf89 (8:17:35 AM): erin,
you think i betrayed you for the sake of it?
Erin (8:17:44 AM): i dont' really care
Frostwolf89 (8:17:46 AM): you think i would give up something i hold sacred for
a moment of joy?>
Frostwolf89 (8:17:53 AM): no, i believed in your strength
Frostwolf89 (8:17:59 AM): that you were willing to kill yourself
Erin (8:18:10 AM): ok great
Erin (8:18:11 AM): i don't care
Frostwolf89 (8:18:17 AM): then tell me now
Frostwolf89 (8:18:20 AM): to my face.
Frostwolf89 (8:18:20 AM): leav.
Frostwolf89 (8:18:22 AM): *leave.
Frostwolf89 (8:18:56 AM): i will... i
will. just say it.
Erin (8:19:13 AM): leave
Frostwolf89 (8:19:24 AM): goodbye
so ... hmm
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