|
| God, I want to experience You. I want to feel You. I want to see You. I want to know You are near.
But yet, God, I know that I can't depend on these. I go up and down. I go around in circles. Sometimes I feel You, sometimes I don't. I want to know You more, I want to feel You more.
But I know You love me, You delight in me, You rejoice over me with singing. And more than I want to be with You, You want to be with me so much more! So if I can't feel You now, it may not be that there's anything wrong with me or that there's something in the way. You love me, and somehow You're wanting to help me hear You in a different way, at a deeper level. I don't completely understand that deeper level, what it's supposed to look like what it's supposed to feel like. I've read the words of others about it, I've heard others' experience. And I've tried to "do the same" in my life, not set my faith and relationship on my feelings. But God, doing that is working from the outside, not the inside. I can't measure myself with their relationships with You or their advice. So God, before I put this off any longer, I want to give You my feelings... I long to be with You, God. I long to hear You. I long to feel You near me. I want to see You, Lord! I want experience, Lord! Oh how I want it! I want never-ending experience! I want happiness, I want bliss with You. And I know You have given me these longings, Lord... You have "set eternity" in my heart, a desire to be with You, the Eternal One. But I trust You, Lord, and I realize that until the end of this age, my feelings will go up and down, and that You want to bring me to a deeper level, a deeper trust, a deeper relationship and way of conversing with You and just BEING with You. Teach me this, yes, Lord, but first here are my feelings. Here are my desires. Here are my desires for feelings, my desires for experiences. I want them, I want You. I want more of You. I want less of me. Help me want less of me! Jesus, I choose to surrender, to give up these feelings for You. I choose to trust Your way. If You choose not to reveal more of Yourself to me in the way that I long for right now, then I choose to accept it and believe that You are love, and it is only because You love me so much that You have something BETTER for me... You hold back only because You love me so much that what I am asking for is actually too SMALL, too LITTLE of You, and You want to give me so much MORE of You. God, I praise You for this. I am crying, but I am releasing something, my needs, my feelings, and trusting You. And I am overwhelmed with Your presence. I am not "full" yet, no, not yet Lord. But I am emptying something out here. I'm on the doctor's table, and I know You will be operating on me again. Thank You. I know You are faithful and will teach me, lead me, and fill me with more of Yourself than I can possibly ask for or imagine, according to Your Spirit which lives within me. Thank You, dear Jesus, blessed Father, in Jesus' name, amen. | | |
| Lord, help me write about this... I want to remember this! Last night a friend wrote some advice to me that worked off of some misunderstandings and assumed too much from that. Naturally I wanted to be upset about that, but this is my friend, and I didn't want to lash out... and it didn't feel right to even entertain the desire to lash out. I thought of simply not writing back, but I think You had me face it instead of ignore it... to find peace by going through it with You instead of finding peace by ignoring or forgetting it. Thanks, Lord. I went downstairs while my wife gave my son a bath, and prayed. I didn't know what to do or how to pray. I forgave, I chose to forgive, but somehow that wasn't enough or wasn't "it" this time. Then You brought the words to me to ask You for grace. That was new to me! I had known and understood that You forgave us on the cross, that we don't need to beg You for forgiveness You have already given, and that You have given us all grace in Your Son on the cross. But I had never seen "grace" as something You could give me for someone else! This was new to me! You reminded me of the words to that little cute book by Roy Lessin, "Whiter Than Snow" -- For each need, there is grace.
For each trial, there is grace.
For each task, there is grace.
For each step of obedience,
there is grace.
And for each circumstance
of life, there is grace. Grace bears you up,
lifts you up,
and keeps you up. Grace strengthens you,
empowers you,
enables you,
frees you,
equips you,
and motivates you. Grace comes to you
freely and completely
by the good and
generous hand of God.
It comes to the
humble, the lowly,
the needy, and to all
who look to God alone. In the past I'd asked for and received forgiveness for others and love for others, but I had not asked for grace for others or even known that I could. It was a "substance" I had not recognized existed for giving and loving! Thank You! I'm still processing this, Lord! But now this lights up new parts of the New Testament for me... "but He gives us more grace"... "the God of all grace"... "but God gave us grace"... and "My grace is sufficient for you". You weren't only speaking of the gracious act of giving Your Son on the Cross (that is THE grace of all grace!), but You were speaking of a substance, a gift, a kind of love You give and can give that makes a difference for us and for others. I was blessedly blown away when I read Philip Yancey's book ("What's So Amazing About Grace?") and the words to the U2 song ("Grace") which spoke of grace as a presence, as Your presence, Your forgiveness and love, Your presence that just walks into the room and changes everything, "graces" us. Now, somehow, I learn (and am continuing to learn and want to learn more) that You can give us grace for others and for ourselves. You give us a little bit of Yourself, and grace is passed onto others. I can't even describe the times when this is necessary, when "grace" must be given, but it adds a new dimension to my life in the Spirit. Thank You, Lord. And for the first time (for me), it truly lights up that expression, "Grace be with you." Thank You Father, in Jesus' name, amen. | | |
| I don't write so regularly here, Lord. I thought I would say just now that I'm thinking of shutting this blog down. But now as I write... now I am with You again. Thank You, Lord. Writing to You... I wondered how much this "exercise" (if I could rightly call it that!) --rather, this place-- I wondered how much it was needed. But You've always touched me as I write to You. Thank You, Lord. Thank You. Like this picture, You've suddenly brought me "home" to You. Back to base. Thanks. 
http://art-for-jesus.blogspot.com/2008/07/homebase.html | | |
| God, I know Your heart now. I know why You said these words so strongly—I HATE DIVORCE. It's not that You merely hate the action or legal availability, no. You hate the pain that this brings to people and families. You are jealous for us, and You hate anything that hurts us. Thank You for Your intense fire of love, Jesus. Thank You for hating all that hurts us. Thank You for hating divorce so much. God, You know what my mom fears. You know what my brother is angry at. You know my father's pain and what he can't see. Thank You for helping me get in touch with my feelings and Your feelings about these things. I ask for Your hand to bring healing in my family, Lord. Pour Your love, grace and Your presence into this family, Lord, in Jesus' name I pray, hallelu Yah and amen! | | |
| Lord, You know everything. I just need to get this out to You. You know how I get involved in this or that debate. I step into things I know very little about. And maybe I do catch something rightly, but it's not my thing, Lord, and because I step in without knowing that You are leading me there, I run for the door after I say something! Help me past that fear, Lord. Past that fear of being wrong or being ashamed. But more than that, help me not jump ahead of You, Jesus. I think that's what Paul was maybe or probably doing when he was so intent on going to Jerusalem, and all these brothers & sisters were worried about him and You even sent prophets to tell him what would happen. Yes, he was ready to die for You. And yes, You were calling him to go to Jerusalem and even to Rome. But was it the right timing, Lord? I don't know. I think he made a mistake by bending over backwards for James & the Mosaic law-keeping brothers in Jerusalem, and it got him in trouble. I know, though, that You redeemed everything. Thank You, Lord. For me, help me out of this same tendency to "jump ahead" of You, Lord. Yes, I'm being called. Yes, I'm being "sent". But help me not rush ahead; help me hear You clearly in the multitude of witnesses You send my way, and help me have the patience to wait on You, Lord. Carry me on the gentle wind of Your breath, Holy Spirit. In Jesus' name, amen. | | |
|
