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| If life isnt a bed of roses then why are there so many thorns...?
I'm getting kinda sick of this... i hate being in limbo and i hate not knowing yet i've put up with it time and again.
letting your "feel like" or "don't feel like" determine my days and emotions really isnt fair to me.
i seriously am getting to a point where i feel unappreciated and i dont like feeling like i need you.
you cant always depend on ppl to push you. fine. maybe i dont know how to. i'm this close to giving up.
and wtf is a phone for if it doesnt ring or vibrate?
f it. i need to get my life in order. i dont want to waste my time with yours if u dont appreciate it. | | |
| sometimes i hate how unfair life is... i know i'm supposed to be optimistic and all.. but it's my blog and i'll rant if i want to...
it really sucks when u actually give a damn about something.. and u totally dont get recognised for it. i mean... i know u don't really do it for recognition.. but when u don't get it.. u kinda feel that what u're doing isn't really all that worth it.. u know what i mean doncha?
sigh...
anyway.. i've been thinking about something else... since sat, it's been made known that there'll be some ppl who will in the future, have the opportunity to be sent overseas to places like china, indonesia, and vietnam for a period of 2 years. i think it's a really exciting opportunity. but when asked who was interested, i hesitated to raise my hand.
i really dont have many commitments here in singapore. i'd really want to go overseas to work. it'll be really exciting. but what's holding me back?
i'd love being sent overseas to work. i'm not afraid of a new environment. i know i didnt really like the lack of modern comforts when i was in the Philippines for 2 weeks... but i dealt with it... so i guess that's something i could learn to deal with.. i always loved travelling anyway. =)
it's partly my parents... although i know they'd really not mind.. i mean.. i've been overseas before for the same period of time.. so i guess they'll be alright..
my friends.. well.. zihui will kill me... but she'll still love me all the same i know.. =) heh...
and it boils down to one thing.. this non-relationship that i'm in.. sigh. it's the one thing that's holding me back. i know i'm afraid to lose what i dont have. it's silly. but i know that if i leave, 2 years apart will very possibly mean that it'll never happen.
there's also the age factor... if i do go, i'll definitely be past 30 by the time i come back... geez.. i'll never get married..
but then again, part of the reason why i'm even considering going is coz, i really wanna make something of my career and i really dont think i'll ever get married. i dont think i've found the right one and anyone i've ever found never really bothered. sad but true.
i feel like such a mess inside.. part of me wants to be a really successful, independant woman. the other part of me just wants to be loved.
but anyway, i've decided to talk to my parents about it.. see if they mind if i express my interest in working overseas. as for the non-relationship, well... if i'm important enough not to lose, i hope you tell me soon enough. otherwise, once i've expressed my interest, and if i ever get selected (the possibility of which really i dont know), i'll have to go no matter what. declining after expressing interest is a huge NO-NO if u ask me. so yeah....
that's that for now i guess.. i needed to get this out.
i'm trying to be positive still i guess.. i'll prove myself and show them what i'm really worth. sigh. | | |
| my life's becoming boring.. i need some excitement again soon.. =P | | |
| you never really know until you find out how much you don't.
i always pride myself in being insightful and sensitive. now i know i was wrong about so many things.
i'm more impressed than ever. at the same time, i'm also... appalled. that might be a tad too strong a word to use, but it's apt.
it's strange how push-pull factors work innit?
one thing's for sure. i'm interested. not interested per se, but interested in finding out more.
you never know where things might end up anyway. | | |
| slightly confused by everything that's been happening...
i really don't know and i can't say for sure what's going on.
all i know is that, i sense a shift. in my perspectives, in my priorities, in my mindset in general.
good or bad change? i don't know.
only time will tell again i guess.
p.s. thanks elaine for ur comment in my prev post. =) | | |
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