Well I guess i'm going to start this xanga thing again. It seemed like my life was so much better when i was spilling my life story to everyone. It seemed like it was much more eventful and made me feel better about my life hearing comments from people. Well by now, i'm guessing no1 really reads my xanga anymore cuz i haven't updated in forever. Well herei t goes, my update for today...
Have you ever felt so sad and upset that you just wanted it all to end? Just let go of all your problems, everything in one instant? I mean... how much worse could things get? Your failing, your parents dont trust you really, your friends feel deserted, you dont seem to care about anyone or anything but yourself... wait... thats the problem. You don't care about anything or anyone but yourself....
I just realized this.. sadly but truely... I never really think about anyone but myself. I make things right so it will be fine for me, so that things wont effect me. I hurt people and make them feel better. I 'm such a bad person. I realize this. I'm working on it. I"m so sorry. I feel bad for things that I've done and I ask everyone for their forgiveness.
I'm not a slut. Truely! I'm not! Some people like to use that to make me feel bad at some time ::caugh::drew::caugh::... but i know you don't really mean it. It still hruts though., but you know what. Its alright. I know what I am and I know who i am and I know what I stand for. I'm not afraid to be me and to speak out for what I believe in.
Right now I"m just starting to get better from god knows what i had. It sucked though... its like a 72 hour virus. It really sucked... yesterday 12-14 wasthe worst. god... i had a fever and slept all day. Today I feel kinda better. I dont have a fever and i only have a headache every once in a while.I think its because of finals. I"m stressing way too much overi t. More then I ever have in my life. Maybe its cuz its my senior year and i kinda put myself in a situation that if i dont pass all my classes then i wont graduate. Thats probably it. Wow that sucks and thats really sad. I"m such a dumbass.
So i'm finally going to get a car over the Christmas break! yay ! m ydad wont tell me what I"m getting. but he did promise me that by the time i graduate i will have a Land Rover Discovery Series II! so i'm hoping thats what it is, and if it isn't, then thats ok... as long as its nice. haha... OH! and i'm gonna be 18 in like 17 days now... hell yeah! cLuBbInG!!! ehh.. i'm not gonna be that much of a clubber. i hope not, lol. but i'm gonna go.
hah oh get this... for christmas, well its gonna be a late christmas gift... but i'm gonna get my cousin pron from the adult video mega plex... haha... he's gonna enjoy that. only i'm not gonna really know what to look for cuz i'm gay, lol! i love nate dawg!!
ne ways.. i'm hungry and i'm going to go get some cookies!!
love yall!!
~Philip~ | 
