I'm trying to keep all the ugly stuff beautiful.
  

I'm so tired. Got sick this weekend. The last couple of months, i dont know.. school just kicks my ass. I'm trying to hold myself together.

I'll have my portfolio website about very soon... i built the whole thing myself, which is pretty exciting. I'm fixing up the menus and whatnot. I had a sculpture show yesterday. Also exciting. Working hard, trying to stick to my dreams, trying to stay strong. Trying.

Dreaming Big...

"I'm not looking for someone to save me. Life rafts might keep you afloat but they rarely get you anywhere.. and i've got places I wanna go."
- Andrea Gibson, Wasabi

I havn't written in a while. My winter break ends Monday. I've been taking risks lately. Thinking about grad school and about how I want my future to be, and for once allowing my mind to let it dream as big as and as beautiful as it can. I want to live my life like I was afraid to in highschool, I want to chase the things and the people I love and I really want to stop at nothing. I want a future filled with artwork and helping children. I want wake up every morning to the woman I love and bring her to family dinners and holidays and have her mother teach me how to cook. I want rocking chairs, dogs and kids.. I want to learn as much as I can. I want to learn spanish, and become more fluent in Italian. I don't want to be scared, anxious and brusied anymore while walking on eggshells with every moment.

But... winter break was fun and well needed. I'm refueled and ready to go back to school. I got good grades last semester, some how.. im not sure how... and I'm gunna have to overtally two classes for this semester, so hopfully I get them.

On New Years, I taught Jessica how to make paper cranes.. and snow flakes... it was dorky and soooo much fun. lol.

I helped her pack today, because she moves tomorrow, and we layed and talked and talked about awkward childhood memories. It was sweet. and I loved it. I love you.

My photo Final, it's a story =P

Some of my drawings from the semester

"Fear is only a verb if you let it be, Don't you dare let go of my hand."
-Andrea Gibson, I do

I'm scared, yes, but excited. And that sums up what I want for 2009.

It's been quite a while since i've written....

Halloween was great. Good, wholesome fun. lol. Jess was Darth Vader.... which we all know, i loved. I've been really tired, not feeling this semester, not doing as well as i know I can. My job is fine, but school is a problemo.

Updates:
-My cousin had a sweet sixteen. awesome.
-My drawing professor is difficult and bitchy
-I will be voting in my first presidential election tomorrow,
and i'm earnestly scared for our country.
-I love my girlfriend,  and she keeps a smile on here....
-Christmas has sprung in portrait business land.... mmm..
-My aunt passed away,. It was really hard and really sad.  r.i.p.
-I don't really drink anymore. It's been like four months.
-My Italian class is really hard.
-The nine button on my telephone is still out of service.
-I saw Andrea Gibson live!!  It was more than AMAZING. really.

I've been thinking a lot, growing a lot... trying to be the best I can be.. not feeling my schoolwork too much but that's mostly because i don't really like my professors.. and it's made it a little difficult. For a while there, i was all scatter brained from lack of sleep, but i'm slowly recooperating. mmhmmm. There's a lot in my past that i'm finally getting over... just a couple things on the check list to go. I know I have the girl of my dreams. Literally... I was dreaming of her... and we laugh and just have a great time together. *sigh*.... =)

back to homework, i suppose lol.

im growing up a little...

for real this time

...Somthing about beautiful images that take the pain away. When I saw Annie lebovitz's photographs of her girlfriend dying, i had that same feeling. It was one thing that Decarava taught me that really made sense.. art and expression has this powerfull way of taking an intangiable pain and transforming it into a tangiable beauty. I get that same feeling when someone can look into my eyes and tell me the truth.There is somthing about the truth that takes all the pain away. Beauty is what is natural, love is patient, love is forever...

"[he] kept things because he believed time mattered. Old made good." -Bone

thankyou, =)

School Tomorrow...

This feels more like new years eve than new years eve does, so im going to make some resolutions and just hope for some things...

A little nervous, but not really.. i'm mostly nervous about the fact that i know i will soon be busier and more stressed out than i'd really like to be.. but i know it's worth it. So, that's that. Just have italian and photography tomorrow.. and we prolly won't print tomorrow, so i'll have time to go to B&H and buy film and the sorts. Work was kinda crazy today because of some special event whatever they decided to do. Grand fun, lots of singing, danicng, and being crazy for the children, like usual... just a glimpse of what is to come before christmas falls down the chimney.... lol. But again, I know it's worth it, and somewhere in my heart, i love the chaos.

from thee beach...=D
 
The beach also made me all tan, except for an awkward spot on my shoulder but whatever. lol. Interesting week in conneticut with my family.. got to see chris a little.

I need to fix my phone, the 9 button and the # button no longer function properly, therefore my texts look somthing like this... "vvhats.up..hovv.are.u.todai." ... it's hilarious in an awful kind of way.   

I do have a lot on my mind, but i feel oddly happy, like just trying to follow my instincts for once makes me feel a better.. I had a great day today after work.. and yeah.

Oh.. and despite the weather, summer is over starting tomorrow and whatevvvv.. i plan on defying the heat and wearing my hoodie more. lol.