Advisor

It always surprises me how many people come and ask me for advice, comfort or etc. It's not really the quantity of people but the type of people that surprises me the most. Often it's someone that's not in my inner circle of friends and someone that I rarely talk to. I guess it makes sense that they'd choose someone who's far removed enough so that they can't cause any trouble but still... ME? I do an okay job considering the circumstances but there has to be far better people suited for it.

Which leads me to my next point... I've realized early on that I can comfort people but I can't take comfort myself. It just doesn't work. I can only feel better when things make sense in my own way. Now I don't mean that I don't look for advice and guidance... it's quite the opposite. I want advice on certain things but I have a hard time finding it. There's no real median for me and whenever I try I end up getting comfort more than anything else and it doesn't really get me anywhere.

At this point I really just try to figure things out on my own. Of course I still make stupid ass decisions but at least I can say that they were stupid ass decisions of my own free will. Oh... and it forces me to take responsibility for them which is good thing.

The Misadventures of... Me.

I've come to realize that I have done, and will probably continue to do, things just for the sake of impressing girls. I know it sounds lame but we all know it happens. What really struck me was how easily I dropped things when there were no longer any girls to impress. The electric guitar and the exercise equipment, stuffed in my closet and collecting dust are a testament to that fact. I'm sure I can find many more examples (like my departure from indoor vball on wednesdays) but I don't want to dissect every aspect of everything I do. It might be too scary to know what I really do for myself and what I do to impress others. I'm not sure why it happens but it's just a fact of my life.

Not everything I've done to impress girls is doomed to failure or even quantifiable for that matter. I might be wrong but I feel that some part of my need to be more talkative, more charismatic and better dressed comes from the fact that I want to be impressive (even though my taste in clothing is still kinda wack). Ofcourse, with the good also comes the bad. Nowadays, I don't even take a step out of my house in my ghetto 'who cares' clothes on nor without geling my hair first. I can't say it's necessarily a bad thing but its a nuisance that I care so much about what others think now.

I guess the only way to remedy the situation is to find new girls to impress... which by the way, is a good thing. And I wouldn't mind picking up that electric guitar again... I miss it actually... good ol' Denty. So cheers! Here's to new potentials around the corner!

Now... if only someone could convince me that having a job is hugely impressive to girls.

Root Three

Kumar is my hero. How come we never got to write poems in math class?

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

-David Kleinberg

Everything Is So Average

Nothing exciting or dramatic has happened for me in a long while and it's like being stuck in the average. But with the sudden change in the weather, it feels like a good time to turn things around. To take chances and cause trouble! I have funny moments where I feel like I can do outrageous things and get away with them but... I hold back. I always hold back. I'll probably cause a ruckus someday but that day is not today.

Sticking with the theme of averaging things out. I always seem to be building friendships in one area and losing them in another. Maintaining friendships is pretty tough and I honestly don't really put much/enough effort into it. How often do I keep people in the loop about what's really going on with me? Never, unless I need some kind of help or advice. How often do people tell me what's going on with them? Not too often surprisingly. I guess I just act more reactively than proactively... like a don't ask, don't tell kinda deal. If anything, xanga is the first to know what's up with me and it'll probably stay that way.

What was I trying to say anyway?
To sum it up, I want to be more outgoing and be a trouble maker. Secondly, some of my friendships are sailing smoothly while some are beginning to sink.

A Little Perspective

Isn't it great when someone gives you that little bit of insight to show you just how bad things are for you?  Indubitably.

For some reason, my cousin who rarely ever talks to me, decides to ask me why in the hell don't I have a girlfriend yet. Perhaps it was the fact that he just broke up with his girl or perhaps he was just curious, who knows. Call it comrodery or whatever you will, he wanted to know. I didn't have a clear answer for him... so I did what I could... I gave him my facebook account and said go nuts. Lucky he didn't 'go nuts' as I said he could but he gave me a good bit of feedback or perspective so to speak. What he tells me isn't really what I need to hear but it's agreeable on the most part... I guess.

Firstly, he tells me that the girls he figures are compatible for me are either looking for 'marriage material' or want to 'break me in' (read between the lines please). Honestly, he's probably right but I'm not ready for any serious relationships nor do I want cougars raping the crap out of me. I hated him the moment he said it but what can I do?

Secondly, he tells me that the girls I've gone for... are all mehhhh. Wow. Can he really say that? I mean... what grade of girls has he been going for? This comment I didn't agree so much with but he's entitled to his opinion. Along with being meh, he says that the girls I've gone for are labeled as 'party girls'. True... but he then goes on to say that I'm not a good match with party girls. Apparently, I am not the kind of person that can show them a good time... all the time. Fine, I can accept his string of logic.

Lastly, he tells me that he can't help me.

All in all... I'm pretty amazed to be able to see how a little bit of perspective can make things look so hopeless. I didn't need this. Oh well, things will look better tomorrow. EFFF! DONE!