Currently Playing Blue (Da Ba Dee) Remixes By Eiffel 65 see related

Exercises in accidental success: (typed last night, just passed out before hitting submit)

Tonight, we asked a metric fuckton of people from target to come over and hang out as a sort of goodbye party for my roommate derek... we were saying to show up around 7... by 8, nobody had arived, I got worried so I called up the reserves, a couple friends that I know would have at least made it entertaining... at least. . . as I'm about to leave my message with them, derek yells "I think we have guests!!"... in comes Ginny and her friend Kelly... Ginny is currently in a dysfunctional marriage that she's kinda unhappy with... I see a little bit of steph in her current personality, and it scares me, because I'm affraid for what she may do to her husband... but since kelly was with her to make sure no lines were crossed, ginny was able to have a good time tonight and in doing so, derek had a good time... of course derek is currently too drunk to see how much of a blessing kelly's attendance was, and is instead thinking: Damn, if I weren't leaving, I could get with Ginny... I know when he sobers up a bit, he'll feel bad about it, but I'll keep reminding him that the safetys were all in check and he had a good time...

Currently Playing Phantom Moon By Duncan Sheik This is how my heart heard see related

So, yeah, don't bother reading this entry, it' just me bitching...

This whole moving thing has me REALLY depressed... can't concentrate on anything, and every time I work on getting packed up, I just look around and feel totally drained... that's not a good thing when you've got less than a week to be entirely moved...

I hope the depression lets go once I've moved, or it's going to be difficult... It feels kinda like a first date... I'm terrified and excited about it all at once...

Did a little splurge spending today: Phantom Dust for X-Box and Katamri Damacy for PS2... both cheap games but rare finds... and both horribly bizzare...  http://xboxphreaker.com/whatisphantomdust.htm .... http://ps2.ign.com/articles/548/548201p1.html ...The fact that I purchased them is not the wierd part.. the fact that I purchased them without even owning the systems to play them on: that is ballsy... I actually believe they're both so wierd that people will want to see them played so much that they'll invite me to use their systems... I kid you not, they're that good...

welp... I should get some sleep before work tomorrow... this morning stuff is iffy, but it's job security...

Naaaaaah-naah-nah-nah-naah...

-Jer

Currently Playing Leader of Men By Nickelback see related

so, um.. Damn... 3 straight nights of drumming 2-4 hrs each... my legs are KILLING.. wouldn't be bad if I hadn't bruised my hip on monday and/or if the throne I'm using wasn't just the cheapest thing I could get... oh well... we're making progress, and I'm having fun... I've missed drumming, glad to be back at it... altho this certainly isn't getting me packed up over here... /shrug... tomorrow and sunday... saturday is reserved specifically for poker, and if they cut that short to go drinking again, I'll run out of shoes getting them stuck up people's asses...

other things that shouldn't concern me but do: I know and profess that I officially have no idea how to be single... and while I don't want to rush into anything to quickly, I certainly wouldn't mind having someone to make feel comfortable and special... I miss that more than anything else... just having someone to make smile... someone that wants to be with me... nights are the worst... there's always something I can do durring the day, but at night, my only options that don't involve spending craptons of money I don't have are music, movies, chat and WoW...

Music: been doing that... new keyboard is awesome, drumming with the band is good, but it still kinda fades away quickly...

Movies: while still entertaining, there's not really much joy in it, because I'm usually more attuned to how others around me are reacting, almost as much so as how I feel about it... and well, kinda at a lack of normal company for movie watching... and there's just certain movies that are really best when snuggling... (guys, don't be faking the funk on front street, you know the movies I'm talking about, and you know you like watching them... no macho shit...)

Chat: one word: TRITE

WoW: I've been giving too much time to WoW and I know it, but I feel that if I'm paying for it, I really should get my money's worth... and it's not like I've cancelled other plans for the sake of raiding or anything... I'm kinda affraid that that's what it might turn into, and that scares me... tho I look forward to battlegrounds, cause that looks like it's actually going to be a come and go as you please game with a raid mentality... good stuff...

I'm not really saying that I don't want to be my own person, it's just that right now, alone, I'm not much of a person to be... I don't get joy in doing things for myself... it's much easier on the shoulders to pat another's back...

</rant>

-Jer

Currently Playing Fallen By Evanescence Whisper see related

I'll take accounts you didn't think still existed for $800, Alex...

So, the aftermath is in full swing... moving at the end of the month, hopefully... still not exactly sure how this is all going to work... also taking derek acrossed the country, back to massachusettes... I'm gonna miss having him around... he's been here thru all the shit... I'm at a loss of words to express how I feel about it... steph has been gone for a few weeks now... moved out valentines day... it's been wierd adjusting since... but oh well..

About to go out to lunch with derek right now... buffalo wild wings, $0.35 wing day... meeting a couple co-workers, so I'm on a timer, but I'll post more in a little while when I get back if I have time before band practice...

more then...
-Jer

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So.... I've already typed the vast majority of what I wanted to say just to have it erased by a browser glitch with trillian....I wish I still had it cause was alot to type and I know I'm gonna leave something out that I already thought I mentioned... Grrrr...

anyway, as I've already said, here's a summary of the aftermath:

Since last edit, Steph lost her job at Ford, lied to me about all sorts of shit, moved into an appartment her new boyfriend is paying for, driving a car her new boyfriend pays for, and working at a job for a business which she pretty well boycotted for years: WalMart... Her actions have put her into a situation where she must go to somewhere that she says makes her feel dirty... I love irony...

I just really hope she's learning from this... I know it may sound wierd, but reguardless of what she's done to me, I hope she keeps an eye on what she's doing to herself... She has issues with reliance... right now she's treating chris like her hero for helping her get out of her mistakes, then she'll want to pay him back, he won't accept it and she'll feel that anything she's doing for him is because she owes him... then she'll come to resent it when anything becomes expected of her, and the vicious cycle will just keep going round and round....

I'm trying to take a "not my problem anymore" approach to it, but I still love her... not in the same way, but still... and it hurts to see everything happening right now...

I myself am still just coasting... I'm starting to feel better about things on this end... I've gotten to live how I need to for the last few weeks since she moved out, and it's odd... I feel myself regressing with my depression, but now with medication and attention, I clearly see what's happening, and know that it needs to be seen to... right now tho, it's just so hard to concentrate on me because of everything going on around me... Derek moving east is going to be quite hard on me... he's been my one constant thru all of this... he's been here for me moreso than anyone ever thought he could be... I'm going to be continuously on his webpage to say hi and see how he's doing... Then there's my moving... so many things going on with that... I'm leaving this kickass appartment, and moving into a house with four other people, only 1 of whom have I spent any real ammount of time with... that's a bit scarey... also scary: the fact that I have hardly packed anything... tho, strangely enough, we never really got unpacked here... the vast majory of what made it out is still in regular use... I could pack, but I'd be living out of boxes... and then there's the whole case of how the place I'm moving to came to be available... Not getting specific, but I don't feel quite right about it, and I hate having to be the impetus to it... I hope it works out for everyone... I'd hate to be making things hard for anyone else just because things have gotten hard for me...

So, within less than 3 weeks now, I'm going to be living somewhere else, seeing the east coast from somewhere other than the window of an airplane, I should be officially and completely single again, and have my 4yr review at a job that was just going to be until I figured out where I'd be going with Steph...

that job... I'm still on plano... got away from it and back to sales floor for one month... then they asked me to come back just for the period of heavy resets... then the person who I made that deal with got transfered, so I'm pretty much permanant plano again... not like they can afford to have any more turnover on that team... since I joined it 1 yr ago, the team has said goodbye (or good riddance in some cases to) the following list: Bryce, Chris Ba., Chris Wa, Cody, John, Josh, Kelly, Kerry, just about Marcy, and now Derek... but hey, that dependance on me has made me able to pretty well tell them when I want to work within the team's hours... of course I've taken a mile on that inch, but I really don't care... like I said the job was never supposed to last longer than a year... and because I was letting steph finish her schooling first, I didn't want to get into a carreer I couldn't balance with schooling once I went back... which is another thing I'm seriously in need of making progress on... but with this many things cooking right now, that'll remain firmly on the back burner thru june or so...

funniest thing to think about right now is the fact that there are so few reasons for me to actually stay in town, but it's still better than going home for me... I don't know why I have such problems with my family, but I do, nothing outright, nothing obvious, but I'm just so unhappy around them.. I have yet to put my finger on why exactly, but there's just this heap of little things that have built a mountain that I'll gladly sit atop of, but never quite fully pass over...

Speaking of reasons to stay in town, it's time for band practice, something I'd never be able to be part of if I moved back northwest... I hope I can get more into music as a living, that would be ideal...

welp... wish me luck, off to make wonderful noise... might post more when i get back...

-Jer