| Wow.
It has been a crazy past week. In the past week the following has happened:
I applied for a new job, then got fired from my current job while I was on my way to my car from that.
I had/ am having a rather large fight with my mother.
My house got fleas and I have got the problem nearly under control
All in a week.
FUCK.
A little more mundane is fine with me.
I will get my loan hopefully by the end of the week which is good because I don't even have enough money to do laundry. I need to do laundry very badly.
I am currently cleaning. I will probably do a little rearranging as well. That always makes me feel better.
That is the thing though... I don't feel BAD... I feel detached. It is a damned interesting feeling. I am aware of it enough to analyze it. I am feeling more WITH IT today and some of yesterday. I wonder if I will feel the emotional after effects later... or if I really don't care that I got fired. I THINK that I really don't care. I love the work but not the location. A lot of my friends that I made there no longer work there, and the few that do still work there, I will see.
I am hanging out with Sarah a lot. She is so great. I met her at Berkley. I worked there nearly three years. Hmm...
okay...
bye...
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| I just have to say this 'out loud'.
Teasing is all great fun. But enough is enough. For GOD'S SAKE let a person get a fucking sentence out.
Jesus christ.
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| I've been quite busy lately. My classes are challenging in that they require a lot of time and effort. I just straightened my hair for the first time since I cut it. I will try to write a coherent entry later sometime...
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| I wonder if anyone else thinks about their dream house.
I probably spend too much time thinking about it.
Here are the aspects that I love in houses, and want in my dream house.
~ Several sets of French Doors
~ Hardwood floors and lovely rugs to cover them in places (Tile in the Kitchen)
~ A wrap around front porch that goes half way around the house.
~ Two stories
~ A set of French doors that opens to a lovely path in a garden
~ Carpet on the stairs and on the second story
~ Big
~ Separate Garage
~ A very use-able room with a t.v. and a very use-able room without one
~ A large area for kids
~ A kitchen table in the kitchen and a dining room
~ A laundry chute
~ Dishwasher, Washer, Dryer, any other 'necessary' appliances
~ Large yard for dogs
I know that it is a lot, but it is a lot to work for! It is Beautiful in my mind. I can't wait for that section of my life. I don't know... It seems like my life is on hold right now. Even though I am progressing in things like school... I will be settled in my mind when I have a family and a house.
It seems strange even to myself-
I am practically a women's rights activist. Not quite, but not far. I am definitely a feminist. Yet, I want to stay home with my children. I want to be a house wife. I want to have dinner on the table every night. But, I also want to be intelligent, and respected as a partner and not a subordinate. Maybe that is the reason that I have such a hard time dating men, and finding the right man for me. My biggest problem is... I want all of this now. I know what I want and it is really hard to stay focused on what I need to do to get there. I want it NOW. I don't want to have to 'go find' the right guy, or finish school, or blah blah blah. I want to drop into my life when I am 35 and have a job, and a house, and a family. That is the goal. That is where I want to be.
Not really. Intellectually, I realize that that I love being where I am and I don't want to lose a second of my time, let alone years. Still. Something I think about often.
~Jewels
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