later in the afternoon, jim and i had to head home right away to pack and i had to pick up my dad from the GO station. jeezzzz! it was toooooo hot. i could've drove topless! trust me. it was that hot! i was sweating buckets. its sucks too because my car doesnt have any ac. my car is ancient. i could've drove the van but i was in a hurry. i dont want to risk driving that fast with the van that's 50 thousand times heavier than me.

so we got home in 20 minutes and took another shower--it was my 4th time that day. lounge a bit. finally, klarisse came and she was just a jolly person that day. so eager to leave. after the never ending house check of my beloved father (that literally takes him 10 minutes to check for each corner of our house) we finally left. BUT! had to stop at the grocery store. since all of us was starving to death i decided to jump out of the van knowing i was half naked. could careless woman was hungry. despite being honked at i got us 20 piece chicken wings that lasted us 2 minutes!

then i had a good set of nap on the way to the camp site, Ceadar Beach. reached there past 9pm. didnt really had a good light setting up our DOME-TENT! good lord! i never knew aj's tent was that big! we could party inside it! oh have i mentioned that someone brought their microwave and coffee maker??? i even thought one of the mothers brought their magic mic along??? *slapping forehead*

i was a happy camper. early that night... the brownies came out! damn i baked it goooooood! then klarisse and i started tripping out! first noticed it when tito ceasar sison was talking so damn fast and i could hear him from afar--like 200 yards away?!?! is that even possible? it is when you're high! then it just hit me bad i started to forget things that i did 2 seconds ago. >_< tsk tsk tsk! i was trippin' out baaad! i puked out that good spaghetti. after that grueling adventure i decided to camp outside. the weather was good. no mosquito bites. or it was just me being high and numb? LOL!

the next morning woke up with a heavy head. still trippin' out. gosh! that lasted 2 days. so when i was all sober night came! it was klarisse's turn! >:) she got it bad! trippin' out so much. she even had a gay talk show consisted of jim, denise (aka. denis), jaymie-lyn (aka. jaymie) and jay (aka. adopted child of lovers jaymie-lyn and denise whom they're raising as a woman!). then we started singing because i got high! it was so funny!


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



sunday, july 17^th.

oh good times, good times! and nicely tanned. FINALLY!

our sweet return from the supposed to be uncivilized camp. i was hoping to sleep all day. but i cleaned my room. you can sense my loneliness when i clean my room; better yet the entire house. i hate it when i dont do anything. i start to freak out and think about our times together. sigh. its so hard.

after that hard core cleaning... went to church at 7:00pm. i didnt want to go; but chris made me. said to me "you'll never know what HE'll show you". so i took the risk. when i walked in the church... i felt so alone. had teary eye so i had my sunglasses the whole time. i was crying deep down and just staring at HIM asking why. i prayed as if there was no tomorrow. i prayed for him and his family. for them to be happy forever. then i finally said my final goodbye. and that i will let go. so i offered my last tear drop for his freedom. ='(

church was done and we were heading to the buenavente's for my aunt's lil' birthday gathering. i didn't even notice... when my brother was staring at me and pointing with his lips... OUR BABY WAS PARKED RIGHT BY THEIR DRIVEWAY!!! i was shocked! i thought he was at work! so i called him and asked where he was... said he was still at wonderland with the boys. he was heading to work later at 11:30pm.

at the basement. trisha, junkie and i bonded. i wanted to cry but i was all cried out. i've cried too much. but surprisingly i didn't even shed any tear during the camping. i thought i would be the one who would bawl because i had so much going on. oh well. its better that way. it was a good talk i had with the girls. they know how much him and i had been thru especially with the parents that was trying to keep us apart. we fought a good battle. and i am proud that we even ended it in good terms and that we really had something really special even if its just for 11 months. could've been a year but hey. 11 healty months of relationship. no petty fights. ridiculously kiddy and grown-up together. can't compare this with any of the pasts that i had. this is my #1.

monday, july 18^th. ultimate lazy day. i dont think i did anything at all. i cleaned again. watched movies. flipped channels for 50 million times.

tuesday, july 19^th. was suppose to go to work; but part of me didn't feel like it. as if i have some unfinished business. i was talking with chris the whole day. he was trying to cheer me up. then he had to go. when i was all alone again... guess what i did? i cleaned my room again. not only that. i dismantled my princess bed and now its all just the mattress. something new and really cozy. panget hated my bed because its too hot and it kept on squeeking. hehehe! i was planning to get a bed frame but heck i like my bed now. more room. bigger space. less clutter.

wednesday, july 20^th. right after work panget called. he just made up an excuse to see me. of course he's indenial that he misses me. asked for his watch because he left it in my bag when we were at the beach on friday. and had asked for chicken wings. then when i was just about to park guess who i was getting out of the car??? tito emil! panget was on his bike heading towards me giving me signals to go back. HAHAHA! funny. our adventure still continues. so when i pulled over right by someone else's house i asked panget to watch movie--like he promised. but NOOOO! he watched our movie with gary. tsk tsk! so i drove away real fast. freaking guy! then he called me to play golf. i kinda hesitated but what the heck. played with the boys--panget, gary and jermaine. it really sucks. sigh! then when i finished my balls, i had time to reflect. then i asked myself... why the fuck do i even bother being here???????? honestly, i dont know. i dont mean to be bitter towards him but what am i really to him. i know i love him to death; but i aint getting into that phase where i am just a booty call. not a good idea. it makes me more vulnerable and confused to what my status is with him, right? so from now on i will try my very best to live life and adjust my daily routine of being single once again. eventually, things will be better again. sigh.

i know. its easy said than done; but i have been here. although this is hard because he lives just 2 minutes away from me. no matter how much i try to avoid him we are still connected. hence, the family of the "couples for christ"; his friends are now my friends too and not to mention work-wise. they are our press for large format prints. so you guys realize how hard this is for me???


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here are some of my past events pictures.


july 1^st, canada day
inuman: from 1am til 3:00am
 

 

 

 

 

 



beaching: same day... klarisse and i got home at 4:30am. we came from the drinking session with the boys and we left my house at 5:00am.
 

 

 

 



whew! that took me 2 long weeks to write again. still mending my own broken heart. hopefully the next time i log back in i am better. tsk! yeah right? not for another 10 years.

pray for my fast recovery. i really need it.