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| I have been crying on public transportation for over half a year now. Wow. That seems like a long time, though it hasn't exactly felt like it. Of course, intermittently - this isn't an occurrence that happens immediately once I board a subway car or bus. But for some reason, on public transportation, where no one knows me yet there are dozens of people around me, my mind wanders and tears just spill out the corners of my eyes. I sometimes wonder whether people notice and wonder, gee, I wonder why that girl is crying?
And tonight, for the first time in a long time, I cried for the world. My heart hurt for the world, our country, society and all its constituents, and I remembered a time when I was passionate, idealistic and wanted people to give a damn. I have spent so much time lamenting over my love life and other facets of my personal life, that I have somewhat neglected exercising my critical thinking and examining of the world. I watched Lions for Lambs today, and was appeased and stricken but how accurately they portrayed the college student at "A California university" and the professor. I remember feeling infuriated by how egocentric the majority of my campus was, and literally feeling high on life after some kind of heated discussion on a pertinent issue, or feeling so strongly about my political views that I couldn't bear to think about dating someone who wasn't a liberal Democrat. Granted, I am not that same strong-minded idealist as I was back then...but at least I gave a damn about the injustice in the world, right? And so all of this leads me to thinking about my life here in New York. My new adult life with a job, a salary, an apartment, friends and dysfunctional love life. So in the midst of my egocentricity, I would like to try and re-evaluate my place in the world, and constantly question my potential complacency in life and in the world.
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| Yesterday morning, I was working with Jubby, one of my 1st grade ESL students. We were working on word families; groups of words that rhyme and have the same ending, i.e. pan, fan, ran, can, man, etc. We looked at a picture card that said cap, and I asked him if he could think of any words that sounded like cap and had the same ending letters. He responded with, pap? I then (keeping my face composed) explained that it was a real word but probably not one we would use for awhile, and we continued to read the words such as map, lap and nap together. Then, we looked at the word book. We turned the card over and he read the word cock instead of cook. All in the span of two minutes. Who knew word families could be so fun?  | | |
| "I believe, along the way, there are some people that you have to let in, and there are some you have to let go...and believe me, one is not necessarily easier than the other." 2007 = the year of simplifying my life. How did my life become so complicated? 23...an interesting year. | | |
| How do I know, you ask? Well, I'm listening to Jamie Cullum, which will forever remind me of my fall in Washington, DC. I had a sip of Merlot after dinner and as soon as it hit my lips, "These are the Days" immediately started playing in my head, and then I knew that fall was here. Though the weather is slightly unusual in the low 70s (hey, I'm not complaining), I know that the leaves will dramatically change in the next couple of weeks. School is certainly in session, and I still struggle/battle work life and short-term and long-term plans. I know that I'll be in NYC for at least another school year after this one is finished...then who knows. I had initially thought 5 years in the DOE in terms of retirement, paying off my Perkins loan, salary and credible years of teaching experience for mentoring and curriculum-writing positions. But then again...I'm 23, and after that 5-year commitment I'll be 27 years old. Okay, that's so not old at all, but I suppose I also envision that I'll leave the country to teach abroad for a year or so closer to 25. I don't know why I feel like the clock is ticking...I'm actually like a fetus in the working NY life. And I feel that most women in NYC put themselves first...and start their families later, so I'm reassured by then, though I do sometimes feel the biological clock slightly ticking, especially with my parents' age. I'm thinking too much. Ultimately, I think I want a fabulous one-bedroom apartment in a Victorian building in San Francisco. I've never lived there and still think my heart is in the bay area...though I am certainly loving life here in NYC, and perhaps I'll be here longer than anticipated...we'll see. After two long three-day weekends, I have a very short weekend approaching. Pace Saturday this weekend, BOO. At least we don't have learning teams afterward, so we get out at 3:30pm instead. PHEW. Life is certainly more manageable this year. Thank God for not being a first year anymore. I think I will go curl up with my book and sleep early tonight.  | | |
| Listening to "Make Me Whole" by Amel Larruiex on repeat, so you know it's kind of one of those afternoons. The sun is shining warmly here in NYC actually... a low 70s in October. I'm avoiding planning. I feel quite spoiled with two 3-day weekends in a row...Yeay for Yom Kippur and Columbus Day, though I really celebrate neither. I love that Juice and Jive, the new little juice bar opened by Nigel (who is the bomb juice man and just good people in general) is right across the street, and I can peek at who's inside from my window. I am in love with New York again, though the city and I took awhile to get used to one another once I returned from my amazing vacation. My good friend, Ivete Sangalo (hehe, okay not the famous singer, but Yvette Vazquez with a Y) was here this past week, and it was so comforting to have her sharing the mundane routines of my life here in NYC. We went to Kush, she came to my school, we walked through Ft. Tryon Park near the Cloisters, hung out with our juice friends, meandered around Central Park for a few hours taking pictures, then had sushi on the Upper Westside and went to the India Arie Concert, which was AMAZING. Seriously, India Arie is the bomb. I wish she could be my life mentor. I just feel so intimate with her music. What a beautiful soul. I discovered that one of my new favorite things to do in NYC is the Flea Market. I came upon it after brunch on the UWS at Sarabeth's with Mel, Val and Emily. There was a street fair on Amsterdam, I followed the smells, then ended up at the Flea Market on 77th and Columbus in the parking lot of PS something. I had my literacy training there over the summer. Anyway, I bought a book on Impressionism and Post-Impressionism at the Met, published in 1991 for $10. Very proud of that purchase as I love pages in big books like that. I also bought Woman Hollering Creek ($2) by Sandra Cisneros and Tuesdays with Morrie ($3) by Mitch Albom, which I've read and love, and plan on re-reading, then giving to my mother. And a funky green vintage skirt. So basically, I think I should buy most of my pleasure reading there. Though I did just get my B&N Educator card so I get 20% off my purchases, and am really into Hope In Hell, a book about Medecins San Frantieres <did I spell that right?> (Doctors Without Borders). Anyway, it's just a trip reading about what is so underreported in the rest of the world, and would make all of our stomachs lurch and our hearts hurt. Watching the news, reading about what's going on around us, I feel like I am constantly making "meaningful connections" just like the Reader's and Writer's Workshop. LOL. So I have a couple of fantasy jobs that I have kind of meandering around in my heart. I would love to write children's literature and have a beautiful illustrator depict my stories. I would also love to write memoirs/short stories like David Sedaris because sometimes I just laugh out loud at the outrageous happenings and encounters in my life. I would also like to be an international travel journalist and/or food critic. So yes, those are my fantasy jobs. Perhaps some day. I sometimes still think of public policy and grad school and politics, but certainly, they do not feel as creative as my other aspirations. I am falling in love again with literature, and love being a teacher 80% of the time. :) Okay, maybe 70% but I still feel like that's pretty good. I'm going to Carnegie Hall tomorrow for a field trip. I'm going to have a massage this Wednesday at NYSC with Alexson. I'm stoked. Mi clase de espanol empieza anoche. WahooOoO! | | |
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