Myspace makes me want to shoot mysef in the face.

There are a few things that really annoy me just by existing. Myspaces, however, make me absolutely furious. Stabbing myself in the eye blood boiling I hate mankind kind of furious.
Some I can deal with, but others just yield tremendous rage.



1.    The Do Me Right Here Right Now Picture: I hate these kinds of pictures for several reasons. Number one, it is clearly meant to result in getting some action. However,  people seem to not think this through. They miss the little detail that people can not have sex through computers. Anyone they are going to have sex with is going to already be aware that they're a slut, becuase they are probably...hopefully....already accquainted. Everyone else who sees this picture will indeed become familiarized with their brazen...lack of modesty, but I doubt they really would want to have sex with every single person on earth with an internet connection. For example, I have an internet connection, but sex with me is probably not what she was going for with this picture. Undoubtedly neither was sex with Peewee Herman...who coincidentally also probably has an internet connection and a bad habit of going to jail for child pornography. Number two, these pictures are usually accompanied by a profile that says something along the lines of "I'm very open and I love to try anything new" Ok cool, I'm going to run you over with my car. And I hope that the addition of the open jacket was not meant to send out a message of "tehe I'm not really a slut, look at this jacket I'm wearing!" Sorry, you are a ho.

2.   The Not Actually You Profile Picture:
Dear Myspace member,
    Call me crazy but I have a sneaking suspicion that you are not actually a polar bear. If you are infact an arctic animal who has been trained to type and use the internet then that's pretty damn cool. But I have a feeling you just suck actually.
                Love,
                   Kendall
...I do not understand these at all. Myspace is obviously a site to connect with your friends, and therein lies the problem. If a friend of yours has just made a myspace and is looking for people they know, I doubt they are going to see this cuddly polar bear and be like OMG I THINK THAT'S STEPHANIE!! *adds to friends*. You are going to be very alone.

3.   dA PEepZ wh0 TaLk LiK dIS: This is probably the quickest route to getting me to hate you. Before I even see your picture I already want to slap you in the face. These people also seem to employ the use of LOLZ, kewl!!!, various combinations of words spelled out of numbers, indecipherable shorthand, and my favorite..roflmaoydlxoehflsyreocodsye....the ridiculous extension of rofl (which already borderline makes me angry) with so many added words that this is no longer an acronym...it's an incredibly efficient fury generating machine.

1. Your world is not a swirling abyss of agony, sorry
2. In a few weeks your roots are going to grow out and the world probably won't be astonished to learn that you actually don't have dark, depressive black hair.
3. Those are not prescription glasses. Take them the fuck off.
4. Wearing jackets and scarves in the summer time is not a good idea. You are going to have a heat stroke.
5. I am going to laugh at you when you run into a building becuase you are always staring at the ground. I am going to laugh a lot.
   
6. Your parents are not conspiring to ruin your life. The fact that it sucks might...actually..be...your own fault!

These people's profiles usually go like this

"Mood: xX depressed Xx Current Music: Hawthorne Heights...Hi. My birth name is Sarah but I've shed all preconcieved notions of myself and now go by the name Twilight. My parents hate me, they don't let me do anything. They wouldn't notice if I was gone. My friends are few and far between, no one underestands me. I worship nature, If I was capable of love I would love the wind, becuase it is the only thing almost as cold as my soul. I hide from the sun because I resent the light. I don't fear death because my body could never be destroyed as greatly as my empty heart....sigh. The world has rejected me. I don't know what I've done to deserve this total isolation, God must hate me. I am emo. "Your kiss is like a dagger that I thrust through my heart"

Words can not express how angry these people make me.

5.     The Celebrity Impersonator: Get a fucking life.

6.      The Terribly Distorted Profile Picture: THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE IN REAL LIFE, I AM NOT FOOLED FOR A SECOND! I can think of three plausible reasons for massacring your picture like this. A) You have no self confidence in what you actually look like (also would explain the hat), but then I don't understand why you would be comfortable making a Myspace in the first place. B) You are trying to impress everyone with your paint skills. Haha sorry sucker, Chewbacca has better paint workshop skills. or C) You think you are being eccentric. I have nothing to say to this. You are stupid.

7.      The Profiles That Bear A Disturbing Resemblance To A Conversation With A 13 Year Old: ok, hehe, well about me. i LUV shopping! haha, clothes! *giggles* and i totally like to hang with my gurlz *sleepovers!!!*. hmmm my favorite icecream is rocky road! my fav color is BABY PINK!!! if i could b anyone in the world i wud b....PARIS HILTON LOL DUH!!! *faints**squeels**wants to go shopping* hehe im such a gurly gurl! my favorite accessory is my glitter eye shadow, it makes me feel like PARIS HILTON!!! and my favorite show is 7th heaven, because it deals with problems that are so mature! ok well byeeeez! *kisses* *giggles* CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY IS SUCH A TOTAL HOTTIE!!!!!!
.....I hope that you die. and I hope it hurts.

Myspace makes me so angry.