and so the silence breaks

a summer breeze

in this summer's breeze my heart has been rustled yet firmly held by one so wonderful... one who is teaching me what love is

What is it to trust fully? what is it to love fully? to love is to extend trust and to trust is to demonstrate love
So then, do you truly show love to the one whom you do not trust?
You, my reader, may disagree with my a=b, b=c so a=c comment BUT in my case I realize that this is true.
I may say that I desire to be selfless yet in my fearful distrust I am being the epitome of selfcentered.
With reluctance trusting and giving myself and emotion for fear of pain or worse, loss of love.
With an introspective justification I pass it off as only being a stage... is it always in the heart of man the belief that they might be better off alone?
Better able to be themself, better able to do what needs to get done, better able to live their life... but knowing all along that love is the only thing which makes any of these things worth having. Love is the opposing force to selfish selfconciousness, to feelings of sole self reliance and to pride.

God extends love to us in covenant and relationship (1 Chronicles 6:14)
To love as Christ loved is fruit that the Spirit is within us (Galatians 5:22)
Along with faith, love is as a breastplate in the midst of our battle as a Christian (1 Thessalonians 5:8)
To love as Christ loved is commanded for everything that we do (John 15:12, 17, 1 Corinthians 16:14, 1 Timothy 6:11) 
To love as Christ loved is to love sacrificially (John 15:13) 
To love as Christ loved it to love with a sincere and devoted heart (Romans 12:9-10)
Love grows and abounds (Philippians 1:9)
True love is: patient, kind, protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
True love does not: envy, boast, is not proud, rejoice in evil but rejoices with the truth, rude, self seeking, easily angered does not keep a record of wrongs
True love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:3 and following) 
The believer is capable of showing the love of Christ because it has been fully set in his heart through the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5)

How the muck and filth of this darkened world has poluted the picture of love in my mind. To think for a second that love is able to exsist with prideful self interest, fear or distrust casts a quick light on a faulty thought of love which has replaced the truth and beauty of what love is truly.

Rustle my heart and mind Lord, shake free the filth so happy to make it's home there... start a fire there to consume these wrong thoughts... a fire which no breeze may put out... that of pure burning love.

with open hands

and so begins "real life"

graduation though a momentous occasion filled with joy and the wonder of accomplishment has with it's delights, its downs.
      many thoughts have yet to flow from these fingers, they will find life soon as time permits their possessor time to record them

the night's matter of mind is focused on one with a masculine form, it is probably of no wonder
     my best friend is married and enjoys wedded bliss with her love
     a love whom she said she knew would be her husband the day she willed to love no other man for the rest of her days
     some say you will simply know in a still moment that the thrill in your heart at your love's voice is deeper than emotion
     others claim that they will be unable to live without their beloved...
     my mother says I may rely on a subtle yet persistent and resolutley abiding feeling of love

possibly I discipline my mind to think too practically. oh that my heart and life in actuality be like a fairy tale love song. this is not as it is.
     love is hard. love is sacrifice of self for the beloved. love is a precious blessing. love is refining and restoring.
 have I just seen so many rely on their feelings?... no matter how resolute or persistent... like a deep yearning from the depths... and it to be empty
   just as grasping for wind, their heart misguided and reduced to a bleeding wound. a wound yet to heal, if ever, I wonder.
I am not content to allow feelings only to dictate love and committment. Possibly I am the only one with changing feelings, but I dare not rely on them.

"I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. wehn a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man hwo built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete." Luke 6

Life, like a house must be built on the foundation of the unchanging. I am changing. You are changing. My love will not satisfy every need within you. You will not satisfy every need within my heart. Upon what do we choose to build our lives and our love? By allowing God to write this beautifully blooming love story we enable God to build the house in His time and His wonderful design. A design far exceeding our expectations and dispelling our fears.

With open hands I surrender that deep and abiding love I have that aches for that which I have yet to gain. God alone knows my heart and He alone has set my path before me; I trust Him to reveal who I will walk these yet unexplored paths with.

bringing out some remembered moments...

What great darkness thrives upon the fertile minds of these precious souls

Upon first consideration a great darkness coats my mind’s understanding

Though knowledge has begun to pierce the viscous darkness of my ignorance,

I fear much remains of the ink-colored thinking

A color which taints my interactions with these dear ones

As guides labor in the fields of these fearful, lonely, desperate minds,

they know not they lead not out of the shadows altogether

I see within myself a light lit by one with no darkness whatsoever

This light is the craving of those precious wandering souls

My light of knowledge flickers, making only a slight illumination in the vast world

Oh, that the pure light shine ever so brightly in my heart

A song for them

Father God she sees your hand
   Take away the pen
      and begin to write on
         a page of life
            ... she can't see or understand

Your love she needs
    shown on that tree
You've set her free
    to live for Thee
She gives her heart
    to You to keep
Gives all not part
   placed at your feet

Lord you made him strong
   on his heart your love was drawn
      now you've written her name there
         to love and care
           but does he even dare?

Wait Patiently
    He surely sees
Beyond her eyes
    Her love's alive
Running beside
    both hearts in tune
God surely made
    this beauty bloom

but is it true?

I sit alone and wonder of the love that one day we'll share yet my God says beautiful child, be still, and so my God I wait for you.
I am waiting, Love, are you?

- Kimberley Brown 2006