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klineje1
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read my profile
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Name: Jason
Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Metro: Charlotte
Birthday: 2/20/1978
Gender: Male
Interests: In a few weeks...NFL football...
Expertise: I am pretty much the best I know of...
Occupation: Education/training
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  klineje1
Member Since:
4/28/2004
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| What to do...
Someone once wrote, "what is the Burger King receipt scam?" I
believe it was Kierkegaard. The answer to such a riddle is more
complex than meets the eye.
First, to understand the scam, you must understand the fiscal
conditions necessary to drive a person to such depravity. Namely,
I am broke. Buying a house and not being paid for 2 months is
annoying. So I do everything I can to avoid spending money.
Second, I love fast food. Have since I was a wee tike. I
could eat Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy's, Arby's, Jack in the Box,
Wegman's subs every day. And in fact I have. And generally
its cheap. But there is cheap, and then there is CHEAP.
And I like CHEAP. So why not eat a Whopper Value Meal at BK for $2.50 with tax? Here is how it works...
Burger King is interested in MY opinion about their restuarant.
How do I know? Well because it says so right on the back of the
receipt. And the order slip. And the credit card
receipt. A lot of paper these people hand to me. AND,
apparently, my opinion is so valuable to the good people at Burger
King, they are willing to part with a delicious Whopper sandwhich in
exchange for 2-5 minutes of my time.
So all I do is call the 800 number on the back of the receipt, answer a
few questions, and they give me a validation code that I then write on
the receipt. Its a pretty fool-proof method BK has going.
Of course, I should note now that when a Burger King employee accepts
these coupons, they do not even look at the validation number let alone
verify it. So in theory I could write down anything, like
BKSUCKSASS or URSCKERS or ILOVEFREEFOOD and they wouldn't care.
Yet, I feel that if BK wants to give away food, then I should give them
what they want.
So like I said, they give me three receipts when I go there. And
on the back of each is the coupon. So basically, in exhange for
my free Whopper, I am given three more free Whoppers. This is
what economists would call the Law of Increasing Deliciousness.
That is, the more Whoppers I take for free, I will be given a
proportionaly larger number of free Whoppers. The equation comes
out as follows...
1W = $0 = 3W
1W = 3W
1 = 3
In the end, I believe the time-space continuum may be destroyed and,
like in Ghostbusters, every molecule of my body may instantaneously
explode because of the inbalance of the equation. For example, if
I were to accumulate 100 free Whoppers, I would end up with 300 more
free Whoppers, each of which would get me 3 more free Whoppers per free
Whopper or 900 total Whoppers...then 2700, 8100...I believe this is a
Fibonacci number.
I am not gifted in mathematics. That much is clear. But
what I am clear on is that based on my current calcuations, if I were
to eat free Whoopers for lunch, dinner, and 2nd dinner (usually around
11:30), I would save approxiately $15 a day in food costs.
Multiply that by 365 and I would save roughly $5500 a year. Thats
a nice chunk of change. If I did this for the rest of my life (15
more years based on the 3 Whoppers-a-Day Plan), I would have about
$82,000 sitting in a big old bank account (just think of the interest I
could be earning!).
But whats even more tremendous is that I would be able to give to my
children and grandchildren a gift better than lousy cash: FREE FREAKIN
WHOPPERS!
That's right, because if I ate 3 free Whoppers per day every day for 15
years, I would save up over 49,000 free Whoppers. Thats enough
Whoppers to feed a child for most of his or her formative years!
MY GOD! And think further...if they get all 49,000 free Whoppers
they would receive from Burger King a total of 148,000 free Whopper
coupons for future eating.
Yes, yes...I know. I should be using my powers for good, not
evil. And I think I have worked it out. If everyone in the
US ate 2 Whoppers (paid for the first, got the second for free)...it
would produce enough Whoppers to feed most of the starving portions of
Africa (roughly 1.4 billion free Whoppers). But what's best about
my plan is that the free Whoppers don't stop there...we would see an
immediate turnaround of about 4 billion more free Whoppers within a
week or so of implementation. I have solved world hunger.
In conclusion, yes, I am an idiot and yes, I am overweight. And
YES its because I eat too much damn fast food. And YES I have
way, way too much free time. And YES, I sometimes don't leave the
house for days except to get free Whoppers. Sue me.
Wait, no, Burger King...don't sue me.
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| I have a COMPUTER, PRINTER, GAMECUBE, Nintedo DS and more for sale...
NO, I am NOT suicidal...cleaning out stuff for the move...
Contact me if you are interested (great deals!)
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| Yikes
Has it really been almost a month since I last blogged? Did I
really offer up a response to Rob Perry's blog about the PATRIOT ACT
like a week ago and then not do it? Boy I must be busy.
Unfortunately, I am not. I have not risen from bed before 9 am
since late June and I spend most of my day contemplating what I can do
to avoid the spending of money while still entertaining myself (like,
for example, spending the day in the mall but not buying anything, or
running the Burger King receipt scam).
I also drive to Fort Mill, South Carolina everyday to see the progress
on the house, always to find that nothing has been done. Now its
being pushed til SEPTEMBER. And there is a pipe in the middle of
the hall closet!
I also try to play with my dog, who without fail refuses to bring the
ball back to me and chooses rather to eat leaves and grass she finds on
the tennis court. She looks and acts like a cow.
So I think the thesis of today's entry is that I don't really have an
excuse to have not blogged except that I am SO bored, and SO utterly
free, I always say "I will do it later."
Then later came. I did blog. About a week ago or so.
And as I was finishing my latest masterpiece, I either consciously or
subconsciously decided to hit "back" on my browser, which erased my
most gifted writing yet. But really, who looses the most?
Its you, the reader (of which I believe there is now 4).
So back to the issue at hand: Rob Perry's scathing diatribe on
the PATRIOT ACT. Actually, most of his entry (found at
www.xanga.com/rlperryii) was little more than a critique of the NFL,
most of which is so ridiculously brilliant, I could not fathom
addressing it with anything by praises from on high.
But when it comes to the issue of the PATRIOT ACT, I must transform
(insert autobot transformation noise here) into a more serious,
focussed blogger. NOW I am ready.
Rob's attacks on the Patriot Act are Michael Moorish in that he
basically hates the idea of the act but 1) cannot find real examples of
it being used improperly and 2) does not address what is in the act
specifically. Now I am no expert on the act, but let's look at
three provisions of it that cause the most controversy.
First, the provision that allows searches without specific
evidence. Undoubtably, this provision pisses off the ACLU the
most. But one of the problems that the US government (or any for
that matter) faces when it comes to stopping terrorists is that they
don't leave a trail. They die when their crime is committed
(unless they are "terrorists in training" like the morons who did the
second London boming). Unlike the prosecution of most crimes,
which takes place after the crime is committed, the prosecution of
terrorism can only occur BEFORE the crime is committed. So in
most instances, terrorists need to be found before they do anything,
which requires more power in the hands of law enforcement.
Remember also that these special circumstance searches still require a
judge's signiture to go forward. And to this day, I have not
heard of a single case where someone's rights were legitimately
violated. Though if it did happen I wouldn't be all too pissed
off. They were probably hippies.
The second controversial provision is the wiretapping stuff that allows
the government to wiretap any number or email address believed to be
associated with a terrorist. Again, Rob is wrong in assuming that
no judge has to sign off on these things. They do, but the
government, instead of getting a warrant for just one phone number
(applicable back in the day when having a second or third phone line
was outrageous), can now trace the 10 or 20 or 30 mobile and ground
phone lines terrorists use. One of the big tricks of terrorist
leaders is to buy a dozen or so cell phones and constantly switch
between them to avoid being tapped. I should know, I used to sell
cell phones in Islamabad. (thats not true, exactly).
Finally, there are the issues of detainment without a hearing.
This issue is a trickier one and I believe it could be a real basket of
trouble later on. I think, though, we can all agree, that if
someone is caught in the act or immediately prior to an act of
terrorism, detainment without a hearing or lawyer is more than
acceptable if it will yield more terrorists being arrested. I
call this the "24" defense. Ok, like, on "24", ya know, there are
always like 10 terrorist leaders and so like, you know, if you catch
one and the others know, they run away and hide, but like, in season
two, when they didn't know who had been and who had not been captured,
the terrorists exposed themselves, and Jack was able to kill most of
them. Though somehow Sheri Palmer walked away clean. And
they never explained who the dude on the boat was. What
shit. But its not nearly as bad as, like, when Amnesty
International was called by the terrorist leader dude in season four to
come in an delay the investigation by CTU and so Jack decided to take
matters in his own hands, and he like took the terrorist they arrested
to a van outside of CTU and broke the dude's fingers until he gave up
information. Jack Bauer is awesome. So my point is,
sometimes you gots to roll with the punches, baby.
For those of you who don't know, Rob Perry lives in New York
City. And he used to live in Boston. And Pittsburgh.
To summarize: he is a big-city-reactionary-liberal who gets upset when
his buddies' rights are violated. But you know what, Rob?
The rest of America is in favor of the PATRIOT ACT. Like Ellie
May Summerston of Des Moine, Iowa. Ellie May knows terrorists are
probably looking to take down her grain silo and she says thank you to
President Bush for keeping her and her pigs safe. Seriously,
though, Rob, get out of the cities and the fashion industry, its
polluting your once fertile mind (alcohol only kills the weak cells of
your brain).
As for me, I think my position is best summed up by the song "Freedom
Isn't Free" by Trey Parker: "Freedom isn't free...it costs about a buck
o'five." And it is also summed up by Jack Bauer when to a
terrorist he was pumping full of chemicals and beating the living crap
out of, he said "shut up."
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| France - It's Not Just for Nazis Anymore
I would not consider myself an Anglophile, though I do like a good
British accent. And I will disclaim now that I wish the 2012 Olympics
would be happening in the US. Its bad enough we have to go to
freakin China in 2008. I will also disclaim that if history is a guide,
I will probably watch a combined 25 minutes of olympic coverage during
its run. No football = no watchy.
Yet I feel a sense of joy this morning. France, and in particular
its communist hang-out capital Paris, have lost their bid to host the
Olympics. Oh, there is nothing as joyful as watching Frenchmen
procliam "We gave the best we could, we spoke from our guts, with
our heart ... but it seems it didn't convince the IOC." From
your guts? No wonder you lost, buddy...yous don'ts gots none!
Now, this is not the first time France has lost something
important. Remember a few weeks back when France wanted to unify
Europe under a ridiculously contrived treaty that FRENCH voters
defeated? You know you are a loser when you beat yourself at
things. I would also postulate that this will not be the last
time the French lose something big.
Its hard to immagine a group of people more revolting than the
French. They are arrogant, lazy, promiscuous, ignorant, unclean,
self-righteous, cowardly, unreliable, and French. I think God
made the French so we all have a standard to live by. No matter
who you are or where you are from, you can always say "at least we
aren't the French."
It's fun to think that 200 years ago, the French were a feared
superpower. My how the stinky have fallen. Still, we should
not assume that the French will never rise again. But I am sure
if they do it will result in hillarious attempts of over-exerting
themselves and then, in typical French-fashion, giving up. They
are quite good at that. "Je me rends" should be the official
state slogan of France.
I think the lesson to be learned from the French is that if you allow
yourself to become so decedent that Nazi occupation seems more
palatable than actually picking up a gun and fighting, you are going to
be branded a loser for a long time. But then again, I guess
smelling like rancid dog crap and being known for having the filthiest
whores in all of Europe doesn't help either. France...you
suck.
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| Answers to Pressing Questions
The Vegas Quiz was difficult. Here is the key:
1) Freakin True. He's got freakin Picassos. Now THATS class.
2) False. Our first cabbie (the one who explained why he WISHES he could be a murderer) offered us them at $250.
3) False. The only dealer from Germany I have ever had was John and he was hillarious. Taught us what "bra" is in German.
4) True...for my wallet. False...for fun. Adding Henry Winkler to the mix makes things more complicated.
5) False. Longest cab ride of my life. Thing smelled like human waste, too.
6) True. Twice now, last minute blackjack has put me in the black for the trip.
7) False. Unless you ask the same cabbie from number 2.
8) False. It appears that the lazy river at the Monte Carlo is much easier to use AND much more effective.
9) True. It sucks.
10) False. Our first dealer there took almost 30 minutes to get us ready to play...dealt 3 hands...was then replaced with a dealer who did not smile and took a collective $800 from us in 15 minutes. That place sucks as bad as the monorail.
Bonus Question: What activity did Gellner spend MOST of his time on this trip doing?
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