hey hey...i havn`t blogg`d in here for a hella long time. anyways i just want`d to like type some of my thoughts down. hahaha deep thinking! weird but oh well haha. anyways here we go..

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well...it`s just so weird how i moved again...but then returning to a place that i`ve lived in before made it a little better. but i was still really sad about it. california, maryland, philippines. my 3 homes. haha. anyways i just didn`t realize how attached i became to my friends in the philippines. it`s not that i didn`t like my friends in california or maryland. but see. california. i was like a 7th grader wen i left and i guess it seem`d as if a change wasn`t that bad. although i missed my friends terribly in california...sadly we grew apart...it`s been 3 years already and i haven`t gotten to see any of my friends there. maryland...i only stayed in maryland for 10 months. classes were all good. new experience in schools and it was all ohkae. but i didn`t get myself too attached cus i knew i was leaving soon. and i did move again. i moved to the philippines. which i never thought of actually living there. it felt as if i was on a long vacation haha. but i guess later on i adjusted. it was such an experience living in the philippines. how i got to know everyone i know now. in the philippines. it was high school for me. and i guess the friendships got stronger and the bonds were much different than in elementary or middle school. so many experiences in high school. drama. boys. friends. looks. those were the things that really went down. i got attached to my friends. always wanting to go out. always wanting to see everyone and actually go to school. haha. i just realized how much i really miss the philippines. how much i miss my friends. i mean. i had a really good time. i was really happy to be there. and know the people i know. i just miss going to class. section 3C. getting in trouble by our teachers. the noise. and the whole wall thing with the other section. haha i love my section. especially since i got more comfortable this year than last year. i was actually myself with everyone...i wasn`t so quiet and reserved. i got to know more people this year which made it even harder to leave. it was all good for me. i was happy where i was. i mean i did want to move again but i didn`t know it was so soon. i didn`t know how sad i`d become. i didn`t realize how much i had in the philippines yet. but i guess it`s too late for me to go back there and live there again. i mean i will always visit. hopefully keep in touch with everyone as much as i can. but right now i think i`ll be in maryland. but sadly i always reminisce and think of everything. i think of all the things i`m missing out on! i don`t know. i`m in this depression stage and it just sucks. i missed out on a lot of things because of all the moving. i just hope God will just make me a stronger person. it`s actually a privilege getting to go around the world and meeting new people. but it`s sad how i have to leave them behind and start over again. i just hope that it doesn`t end up like how it did in California. i kinda lost touch with my friends there. i still love them & miss them but it`s not the same. i`m sorry to admit but i got used to it already. my friends in maryland. i`ll be seeing you soon in school! and my friends in the Philippines. thanxx for everything. i love you guys. i didn`t know how much i`d miss you guys. and i really miss you guys. thanxx for everything. all the fun, sad, happy, boring, & whatever experiences and moments. never gonna forget all the memories we shared. God bless all of you. i love you guys. =]

-paulie <3

i am tired of thinking of all this bull shit...and tired of trying to get through the day and then when i look back at it everything`s all messed up...i don`t wanna sound dramatic but this is just how i feel. i can`t help the way i feel and this is what i wanna say bout it. i mean seriously everything was all good before and then after one thing screw`d up it all got screw`d up. ohkae...well i just don`t wanna be like all depressed and sad bout this whole thing...and come to think of it i shouldn`t be...i have more opportunities and more chances. but then for meh...i`m really stubborn and even though i know i shouldn`t...i would. and also even though i know i should i won`t! wtf...it`s like when i finally get the certain opportunity...i fuck`n screw it up! whye?! becus im just s0o fuck`n stubborn. im seriously getting annoyed by myself. and then it has come to me that yeah if i want something good to happen and all i need to do it myself...cus u never know what if the person u want something to happen with may it be a simple conversation to hanging out...sometimes u gotta do it urself...cus i mean they may also be waiting for you.
to sum it all up...ima just be HAPPY...as hard as it may be...ima drop the drama and live my life...that`s it...laterSz

-paulie

thoughts for today...

sometimes i wonder why the things that i thought would never have happened, do happen. i mean i never thought i would have ever left california. california was my home, where my life began, where everything started. i never thought that i would have had to leave the place that i grew up in but i guess i was wrong. there are so many things that i took for granted and california is just one of those things. so many things i misunderstood. maybe i should be more careful and try not to get so attached to places or people, especially people. because not everything lasts. the good things lasts for only moments. so cherish it. you never know when it will end. i wish i knew that back then. i just realized now how special everyone in my life is. may they be the closest person to me or just a mere acquaintance but whoever they are they`re in my life now. i get attached to certain people quickly. not knowing that what may be happening will be the cause to end everything. it`s such a sad thing when you get attached to someone thinking everything is just so great and then end up missing them later on. i know it hurts so much to think that way. hurts to know that sometimes you can`t get things back to the way it used to be. but then again if you try maybe you can get it back. i can`t say to that because i haven`t tried. i gave up before trying. i look back at the things from the years before and i question myself, "what if i did that?" "what if i didn't say that?"all it is, is "what if." i don`t want to keep thinking of those things "what if? what if?" it`s too much to handle. the things that happened before made me wonder. i should`ve done that, i could`ve done that, i would`ve done that. why when it already has passed i have the courage to say "WHY THE HELL DiDN`T i D0 THAT?" or when i want to do something i have the confidence to be able to tell myself "i`M G0iNG T0 D0 THAT/SAY THAT N0 MATTER WHAT." but then nothing happens. what is this? can`t i just stick to my word?! i`m going crazy with this whole confusement. i get my hopes up too quickly. hoping that something would happen. but then if you want that something to happen you have to help make it happen. you can`t just sit there watching time go by hoping that maybe if you just wait it will come. but see. it doesn`t always work like that. i don`t know what i`m talking about but i`m just so bothered with myself right now. i can`t seem to get anything right. hopefully soon i will get it right. get to the right pages again and be happy just like i was.

-paulie

waaah..havnt like bl0gg`d in a lo0ong time! ahhaha anywaiis..n0thing muCh goin on herre...sch0ol`s bakC since like last week. s0o yeahh..t0day i duno uhmm hella traffic in the morning. omfg haha and then like i met up wif babs &  mj..then we went d0wn for flag cerem0ny..well lemme see...it was hella hot during flag cerem0ny. shit mahn fuck`n h0t! airc0nditioning PLEASE. haha uhmm then we had like science first..well BTW im in secti0n 3C just t0 let ya`ll know. 0hkae well our teacher for science be ms. bato..our adviser also. oh gosh i mean she`s like fuck`n strict and shit..like such a perfecti0nist or sumin! i dun0..but yeahh aftr that was uhmm social studies..well owee hella makes fun 0f our teacher..haha cus i dun0 he acts gay or sumin. L0L sad..anywaiis yeahh just laugh`d and shiz nits cus of all that. and then like we had recess. went d0wnstairs wif maita & nic to the cafeteria. was in line and like justin kept pushing meh >.< hahaha. l0serr..then yeahh just talk`d t0 bunCh of peeps..=P waaah hahaha go0d stuff..=] then me & maits & nic0le went bakC upstairs and whatevrr..went in2 the classr0om cus it was cold. then outside inside whatevr was everywhere hahaha. yeahh s0o then we had to go bakC to class and uhmm we had math...that was 0hkae..our teacher was talking bout kinda i dun0 it seem`d as if it was all off the topic but 0h well haha. then yeahh i was all perky after recess..;]] s0o then after math was c0mputer...WELL we like got in trouble during this class..hella t0ok advantage of our teacher hahaha. cus we d0nt giv a fuck waaah haha. yeahh evry0ne like switched seats or just dint listen. but yeahh we g0t in trouble as usual WAAH HAHA but yeahh. then like after computer was lunch. it was fuck`n h0t i tell u. shit hella ghett0. but 0hkae. was just wif maits & nic & ian. s0o yeahh we just chill`d made fun 0f each 0thr. speaking 0f ; 56 ; & junior. waaah hahaha [inside j0ke wif maits] =P s0o yeahh after lunch we had h.e. well we were hella l0ud and shit. 0wee being him was hella l0ud and made us laff s0o it was all g0od hehe and then tria hahaha bullet sumin train haha. niCe one. hehe yeahh it was a g0od peri0d hehe. then like we had english. our teacher`s c0ol in english. hehe she`s like nice and shit. hahaha yeahh just talk`d b0ut ENGLiSH! waah hahaha. duhh! but yeahh just talk`d b0ut the origin of the language and stuff. hehehe D0CT0R...[pronounced doc-ter] hahaha thass right! anywaiis after english had research. well our teacher was c0ol i mean better than sir manaay ferrealSz! hahha. but yeahh it was all arrite. but i hella want`d skul 2 end alredy! hahaha. but yeahh i dun0 i got all disapp0int`d ; sad ; 73870115 ; confused ; pissed or whatever f0r some reason. i duno i felt all happy in the m0rning but then it all went down..=[ ohkae s0o yeahh after skul i was s0o confused wif everything t0o! hahaha and then i had t0 frigg`n l0ok for my bro agen! eCk. thanx camille and ur friend f0r coming wif meh. hehehe. s0o yeahh was in the car alredy s0o i call`d up kat. and haha talk`d b0ut evrything that happ`nd 0h shit.. i hella wanna g0 outta t0wn wif kat & her family! hahaha. i wish i cud! hahaha 0hkae anywaiis.. yeahhh n0w im home chill`n n listening t0 musiC. hehe. i dun0 yesterday i was feel`n hella deep! i dun0 and p0stive-iSh hahaha. s0rta but i was thinking all deep! waah i dun0 what happ`nd i hav a bunch t0 sayy i awn0! waah haha. 0hkae im d0ne for today..maybe gna write m0re later aint shure but yehh H0LLAH AT MEH. lateSz..

-miSz paulie ;]]