|
midnight_firestorm
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Lisa
Country: United States
State: Wisconsin
Metro: Oshkosh
Birthday: 2/12/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: Art, writing, astrology, history, psychology, philosophy, debating, world cultures, outer space, religion, ghosts, supernatural things, poetry, mythology, master artists, legends, chinese astrology, psychics, fairys, christianity, nature, swimming, shakespeare, feminism, anime, manga, comic books, video games, shopping, cartoons, science fiction novels, fantasy novels, mystery novels, soccer, photoshop, rock music, alternative rock, punk rock, american history, fashion history, fantasy films, comedy films, rocks, precious gems, decorating
god, i'm a dork.
Expertise: Art, writing and interior designing
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  MidnightP20
MSN: scooby194@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  midngiht_firestorm2003
Member Since:
2/11/2005
|
|
| So, it's been about 345 days since I last updated my xanga account. Scary, isn't it? I suppose that's what happens when you own several blogs...
Not much is really happening at the moment. Tomorrow, on the 23rd, it will mark the first anniversary of me moving out of my parent's house. Tomorrow will mark the first night I spent sleeping alone in a strange new place. Tomorrow would mark my first year of independence.
Indeed, 2005 was like watching a long dream... a dream where you forget some parts, while you remember some parts boldly. Some parts were a nightmare. Yet somehow I got through it all and made it in once piece.
Here were the good things:
*There were hardly any fights with my family in 2005 like 2004...
*I was a little happier, yet i was also more depressed this year...
*I had my first relationship with a guy
*I didn't have to live in the country anymore and can get around much easier now.
*I got more money than last year too, though half of it went to my own grocieries
*I got to decorate an ENTIRE apartment MY way, not my parent's strange ways.
*I learned more cooking skills
*I went to florida for a week with the whole family, even extended. I loved disney world XD
*My anime collection grew bigger...
*I adopted my first cat in april
*I got much closer to my stepsister, Bethany. We're getting along better now :)
*On december 30th, 2005, I found my purpose in life. Working with disabled people.
*I became more giving and less selfish
*I believed in God more.
The Bad Things:
*The boyfriend was a selfish asshole, who was very demanding, pushy, immature and whiny. I broke up with him a couple weeks later after I met him.
*I lost my virginity, which caused an STD and pregnancy scare due to unprotected sex. I was damn lucky that I didn't get pregnant or have an std... it would ruin my life forever. (my advice to all of you who read my journal: if you're in a relationship, please refrain from having sex. and most importantly, use a condom. If he says no, then say no to sex. You gotta be strong.) I wish I kept my virginity...
*I was lonelier...I am living in a completely different city where I hardly knew everybody. I was away from old friends and family members- things i grew up and got to know. Every day, I think about them. Even Mallory. But I become depressed and long to be with them...
*I suffered more panic attacks and headaches
*My sleeping habbits changed dramatically and never slept well in this place
*I was frequently bored...I couldn't stand the silence and being alone all the time.
*I am living at poverty level. i didn't have much money to buy new clothes, shoes, jewelry, anime, or things to do...
*I spend way too much time on the computer...
*weird people live in this apartment. I feel very uncomfortable living here sometimes.
*Sometimes I get the feeling that I don't belong in this city..so I long to move.
*The apartment is kinda strict with rules... it's bad with recycling, I can't paint the walls, and I can't change the curtains. It kinda puts a damper on my lifestyle a bit...
*I wasn't very stable living on my own. I was emotionally trashed, lost, and felt like i was a mistake...i just havent found stable grounds to walk on until the end of 2005.
So there you have it. A list of feelings and contradictions. Everything that I went through. But whatever didn't kill me made me stronger...
| | |
| <img src="http://images.quizilla.com/P/PainfulBliss/1113123757_te.reality.JPG" border="0" alt="Reality"><br>Your wise quote is: "Reality bites with a<br>variety of sizes of teeth"(-Tony Follari)<br>As a person, you think life is just plain<br>painful, horrible and everything else you don't<br>like. Happy people confuse you. Alot. I mean,<br>why are they so happy anyway? You are depressed<br>and perhaps utterly alone and live life rather<br>montone. You feel there is no reason to really<br>be here and feel helpless.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/quizzes/What%20wise%20quote%20fits%20you%3F(pics)%20UPDATED/"> <font size="-1">What wise quote fits you?(pics) UPDATED</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>
Actually I have many, many personal quotes. I know people who are quite intellectual and I get quotes from them, and end up having some myself. But this is pretty much true about me unfortunately...
It's not that i think that everything is horrible and brutal... I just feel lost and alone right now. It's that weird age I am where I don't know where to go, and I explained this many times in both livejournal and a couple here.
I think i'll be happy again and healed when I find the path I was searching for and find my true soulmate. I just hope that day will come soon and I'll be finally out of this dark hole of nothingness. I just want a meaningful and fulfilling life... and I hope i get it soon.
I think a lot of people actually feel the same way across the planet- just searching for a sign...
| | |
| <CENTER><FONT FACE="arial,helvetica" SIZE="1"><A HREF="http://quizme.stvlive.com/zodiacpersonality/quiz.php" target="_blank"><IMG SRC="http://quizme.stvlive.com/zodiacpersonality/results/cancer.gif" WIDTH="300" HEIGHT="200" BORDER="0" ALT="Discover your Zodiac Personality" VSPACE="3"><BR>Discover your Zodiac Personality @ Quiz Me</A></FONT></CENTER>
So I have a Cancer Personality.
So true about me. Surprising.
I am almost too sensitive for my own good. I have a hyper imagination. I'm a very compassionate person and care deeply for others- although I sometimes don't show it openly. I worry way too much and it often leads to stress. I usually like being at home where i'm most comfortable, especially interior decorating. (though i hate martha stewart) And I love being around families and people i'm close to whenever I get the chance. And since I moved away, I feel sort of alone and depressed because I moved away from that closeness of family members on my own... And to make it even more obvious, my room and closets especiaily are filled with sentimental stuff i got from people that seems to be cluttering things up :P
Sometimes I really ask myself if I really am an Aquarian. My sun sign is aquarius, but my rising sign is cancer. I swear. Water and Air signs do not mix. It's no wonder that I'm dysfunctional x_x;;; | | |
| Man. I almost forgot I even have this account- I should pay more attention to it. Most of my surfing time is spent at livejournal or deviantART, but it's still nice to have this account for jotting down random thoughts.
Everything is somewhat okay, but ever since I moved into my apartment, it's been an emotional roller coaster. By the time my lease is up, i'm considering moving again. The funny thing is, I went to Sawdust Days in Oshkosh last year (which is something like a fair event) and I visited a palm reader. I don't necessarily believe in astrology or palm reading, but I really find this interesting.
The palm reader figured me out completely in less than two minutes, and it wasn't even the full reading. (and i never even knew the lady or told her anything) Then she moved onto my future. She forsaw me moving a lot, which is a coincidence because every day I am dying to get out of this place. She also said i'd have a job sometime next year (meaning 2005) and she also sees a boyfriend for me soon and i'll end up having two children.
It would be kind of fun to see how everything comes into place by the next time i run into the lady again whenever the next sawdust days festival is. This time, I'm getting a full reading because someday there will be happiness in my life and it will be a fulfilling one.
I await to see those days come to me. I'm ready to leave these dark and depressing days behind where i'm still lost in my early 20s...
| | |
| I'm so stressed out right now... blame it on my parents. I hate it when they make me feel hated and not loved.... I think i'm going to crawl under my bed sheets and cry to sleep... i hate feeling so lonely andunloved all the time... What's my purpose here when i don't have people that care? I'm almost like a ghost with unfinished business....
http://www.livejournal.com/users/midnight21/
and there's the full story.
Someone please take me off planet earth... | | |
|
