|
monkb0y
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Marc
Birthday: 2/3/1982
Interests: taking pretentious silhouette pictures, complaining about girls, playing hide and seek in the dryer, running my professional obgyn clinic from the back of my van...and unicamp.
Expertise: thumb-wrestling, making nonsensical blog entries
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/3/2003
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Lately I guess you could say I've grown content with my life. Sure, I'm girlfriend-less, live with my parents, and I think there are cobwebs growing inside my pants, but life could be worse ya know? So when my cousin dentist suggested for me to get the clear plastic retainer thingy to help straighten some of my teeth, I took it with (relative) good cheer.
Nevertheless, I started noticing things might be going awry after they strapped my mouth open and started applying cement to my teeth. Well...maybe this is just part of the retainer stuff, I thought to myself. 20 minutes later I beheld this in the mirror -
Now seriously...have you ever heard of anyone going in for a retainer and coming out with braces?? I asked my cousin what happened to the clear plastic thingy we had talked about. His reply, "Oh yeah huh....I forgot." GAH!
Fortunately though, I was already dating someone so would not have to worry about a shuttered existance hiding in shame.
Well...there goes that. I tried asking some of my 'friends' for advice and their best suggestions consisted of "Why don't you try dating high school girls now? Especially ones with braces already - then you might get stuck together! HAHAHA!"
Rather than accept such a fate, I came up with my own plan to make good use of my monstrosity.
So this is my final xanga retirement gift to anyone who might still be reading this. It's been a turbulent few years since I started this thing. While I am grateful that many of you choose to read my nonsense at all, I guess if you want to hear about the latest catastrophe in my life you may decide to actually talk to me... or not. Your call. =)
| | |
| So we begin my european misadventure in the city of London, which can be summarized as follows: cold, expensive, bad food, ugly women...but a clean and efficient urban space nonetheless. Regardless, I think you can understand why I walked around England with my Sour Face permanently locked on.
As you can see, I traveled with 3 lovely girls 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. My perpetual state of bliss led to something I like to call the Suicide Game, where in each European city, I imagine ways to quickly and painlessly end my..happiness.
Here, Julia is being helpful and suggests jumping in front of the Eastbound Central Line subway for the most optimal death. Fortunately, things started picking up when we reached Belgium, where I got to see my long lost euro cousins including mon préféré.
Aren't we pretty? Next we went to the romantic city of Paris, or as I like to call it "City of Crappy Sunsets." The girls wanted to indulge their romantic fantasies by watching the sunset on the Eiffel Tower. Little did we know that the sun sets here at goddamn 10:30 pm, and it turned out to be the opposite of what i would call spectacular/Hawaiian sunset. Thus, I spent my time on the Eiffel Tower playing yet another episode of the Suicide Game.
I'll let you guess what my creative plan for Paris was. Anyway, I was going to do a city by city tour, but there's just too goddamn much. What follows are my favorite sites/activities for anyone interested in a euro trip of their own.
Biking thru the gardens of Versailles.
Looking emo at the Louvre
Inhaling gelato ice cream in Italy as if it were heroin.
Partaking in Favorite Tourist Ritual #3 - making a mockery of artistic masterpieces with your own interpretations.
 
Enjoying a Florentine sunset while pretending not to be disappointed with who you are with (Julia is a pro at this)
Driving thru the Swiss countryside at 170 km/hr in a Porsche Boxter (sounds faster than it really is)
Wondering why Absinthe is illegal in the U.S.
 | | |
| This story is from over a month ago, but hell it's not like I have anything better to update about... so enjoy!
Anyway, this grand night was a belated dedication to my passing one year closer to death (for the less cynical among you, this means I turned 24). And what way to better honor that than to make sure I get there as soon as possible!
After a couple of rounds of this, I soon became afflicted with what i call Ketchup Face Syndrome.
Notice how my generous brother volunteered to be photographed with me even though I managed to remain handsomer than him despite my handicap. Fortunately(?) he was soon kicked out of the bar and would not have to endure such humiliation for long.
After the ketchup face began to fade, I decided to try to secure myself some female... friendship.
Unfortunately, these ladies weren't selling...urrr..volunteering the type of friendship I had hoped for.
Luckily though, I ran into some cute Taiwanese girls (of whom I have been seemingly irresistable).
With minimal effort, I managed to get the number of the affectionate girl on the right and patted myself on the back for a job well done. (Of course, when I later called her and asked what she was doing, she replied "Oh just eating dinner with my boyfriend." But that was a different day's tragedy!)
And unlike most of my posts, this story ends on a happy note - that even with a year closer to death, there are still few things more satisfying than filling your stomach surrounded by good friends after a night half spent throwing up in the bushes.
*Note: If any of my unicamp kids are reading this, the redness and throwing up can be explained because I am allergic to apple juice. The end.
| | |
| The following wasn't written by me, but honestly at this point it summarizes my feelings very well.
"Dear increasingly attractive woman:
I came very close to making a pass at you today. While I have not been attracted to you for the majority of time I've known you, I find myself desiring you more and more the longer I go without any sex or female companionship. Your annoying habits are easier to ignore, your odd features seem to blur, and your shitty attitude more closely matches my air of pathetic desparation.
Let's face it: neither one of us is really a catch right now. "Nearby" and "available" are really the only qualities we have to offer anyone, so why not just admit it and give in to the first guy who comes along- me. I assure you, my darling, right now I am halfway seething with mildly erotic desire for you. I fantasize about taking you in my arms, pulling your body close to mine, and whispering in your ear, "You'll do for now." Think of the hours upon hours of vaguely satisfying sexual activities we could engage in! Think of the amazing substances we'll ingest in a failed attempt to drive off feelings of dissapointment and resignation! Think of all the magnificently sexy people we'll imagine we're with! (full disclosure: I'll be thinking about some of your friends) I honestly believe it could be the greatest relationship either one of us has ever settled for.
Though I missed my chance with you today, I am certain we will be together someday, my momentarily acceptable love bunny. Probably when I'm drunk." | | |
|
