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| I'm looking forward to the end of exams.
Quite some stuff I need to do.
And this mini project I want to embark on.
haha. dude.
We don't need to beat the system by a lot.
So long we can continuously beat the system by 5% every time, it's good enough for me.
till then.
First paper IT was....owned.
I got owned. that's more like it.
sigh. sads. lol.
I hope it doesn't suck that much in the end.
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| well.
tomorrow is my last tutorial class and last lesson of this semester.
It's got a quiz in it too.
Well, I'm not studying cause I already like RAN OUT of questions to do. LOL.
Prolly will just read up later or something.
If not I'll be doing 10 year series instead of 5 years series. LOL.
Location now: one of the seminar room somewhere out there with berwyn.
Later gg to pick the woman up.
The woman is not productive in the night. hence the noob vamp.
Past few nights been studying out late, on my usual cycle.
Well, interesting things to note thus far,
1) Few weeks ago, I drove the woman home in the morning and then took the long drive home.
It was 5-6am. I've gotten used to driving as such hours so I got complacent.
got "zone" out during driving and took the ultimate wrong exit.
At first I was on BKE and then suppose to exit to SLE, but somehow or rather I exited and entered a road.
I didn't realised something was wrong until I look around.
The road seems weird. The next thing I know? THIS HUGE SIGNBOARD.
It had the logo for singapore cars 3/4 full for petrol. Fine $500 or something.
Then the road lanes started to filter into motorcycles, cars and buses.
Not very promising I'd tell you.
Anyway way out? nah. no U-turn, no shit. One way traffic at 6am to Woodlands Checkpoint.
Classic.
So I did my queue and ended up at the Immigration counter.
The lady asked "Passport Sir?"
I'm like. "Er. Sorry I drove the wrong way, I don't want to go malaysia"
LOL. she paused. "can I have your driving license?"
A good thing to note, I had it.
(Even though I lend my IC to my bro the same night so he can enter the some club for Halloween stuff, I had the license. hahaha.)
She probably be thinking "damnit. another dumbshit. lol"
So I was brought to this office by a immigration officer, had them did some administrative stuff for me.
Cleared me, and Off I was. The officer led me in to this carpark which I took to drive home. hahaha.
It looks like their staff carpark kind of thingy.
Yea....So I spend 30minutes at the checkpoint to learn something. hahaha.
I've drive for quite long but never had I drove to immigration checkpoint before.
Never had I thought, my first visit wasn't intentional.
2) The epic fail.
Had business plan project a few ago.
Been with my groupmates churning out stuff and more stuff for consecutive days.
Meeting them like every 4 hours kind. lol.
So a few overnight was in too, but girls technically doesn't last very long.
Anyhow, I was supposed to call this big shot guy in USA for the project stuff.
So we arrange I'll call him at 7am here 7pm there.
So I'd copied down the phone number and called a few times at 6am++ but no response.
I was transferred to this internet sound thingy.
Then the group went for mac breakfast at yuanching.
I tried calling there again. failed. and the thing was that I CHECK TWICE.
so I was quite confident I called correctly.
Then cheerie, my groupmate came to me.
"You sure you never copy down the fax number?"
"DUH. I check it TWICE"
"okay. bet you macdonalds"
"okay"
The 2 other girls went "okay!"
LOL. cheerie checked via wirelesssg my email.
AND TADAH!
OWNED.
The number I took was indeed the fax number.
They were all laughing their asses off while I proceed to make that important call.
hahaha.So now I'm indebted to treat all 3 macdonalds meals.
3) Recent updates.
The issues with women. lol
The woman is not too productive when with me.
And I'm influenced to PIG when I'm with her.
Somehow or rather, I eat more and sleep more with her. I don't know why.
BAD. B-A-D. lol.
Otherwise, school wise, it's pretty slack since it's ending and all the assignments and stuff are completed.
Bizlaw assignment, I've got A-. fuked up. LOL.
Could be better.
Accounting test, well, I fuked it up too. was careless and stuff.
Bizplan. Well, I screwed up. The recent screw ups are emo-ing me. hahaha.
well. Exams soon. Time to study.
Usually, I'd go to the berwyn's loner corner at his place.
But cause I've got quiz tomorrow, he drove to mine instead.
In between these weeks, I can't remember I blogged this but well, went for looi bday and celebrate kent's bday too. and as the year ends, so does the all the 21's birthdays... haha.
I'm not blogging logically. so yea. Long one.
Till I get bored or exams are over then.
Sorry for the long wait.
I got caught up with work. haha.
On a sidenote.
Been thinking much stuff other than school.
Hopefully will put them into plans and there's like a whole lot of admin to clock once exams end too.
We'll see.
I don't know. Seems to me I am of this type of person.
The kind when I say I don't intend to change.
I'm probably those who present myself as such.
Like it or not, you take it or you leave it.
Really, don't waste my time. haha.
I'm just bugged by stuff.
I think this is the part where I dive into the sea of books and spammed.
And things will not bother me till I'm done spamming. haha.
Out.
Good luck for your exams everyone.
I'm not those kind who believe in luck. so you guys can have it.
And my circle of people who knows me well, never say good luck to me.
They say "all the best" haha.
I take life as it is and change with what I can do.
Too random. I'm bored. damnit.
Getting on msn these days are not much of a joy already.
I'd be just online or away and then that's it.
HAHAHAHAHAH. nothing happens besides some random guy come talk to me with his infected PC with "Hey, I've just tried XYZ and my TOOT got bigger. You should try it too. (Hyperlink)" LOL.
Pointless. So these days, I'd stayed off it.
Anyhow, there's nobody online these days to talk to either.
Everyone is busy or somehow busy.
I wonder.
on another sidenote.
My loner guy hall table got a little UP-fied by gf sticking all sorts of stuff.
Good heavens it's not PINK OR PURPLE. hahaha.
But yea. THANKS.
Your work is very much appreciated.
and with that, Bye all.
to the buggers who want to see how is the woman like.
Here's a photo I took off her fb.
She's the one on the left.
This is the part whereby I ARROW <---- PIG + fat face.
I'm so dead. I'm telling you.
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Well. I'm not going to talk much about the past since they are quite irrelevant already.
Anyhow.
All you need to know is this.
I think many of you reading this would probably already know this.
If ever I had to make a choice between regretting not doing it and regret doing it.
I would always choose the regret after doing it.
It's my character of when in doubt, JDI. haha.
So...tonight.
I was alone.
Well, hard to come by.
Felt like pre-relationship days. I bought some nice food from pioneer.
Drove to NUS. parked beside ber. coincidence he was there too.
As usual, I found myself a nice loner spot to eat alone.
It was...peaceful? I like it very much actually.
I think the inherent soloistic side of me dominates. haha.
I think I've told her on couple of occasions that I actually preferred the loneliness rather than being with her.
Okay, now this is the part whereby girls will stand up and slap you hard. LOL.
She didn't. Not at least I could think of.
I mean, I told her that because it was the truth and I thought I shared with her, you know, truthfully.
Not only with her I guess. With anybody. I think I would rather be alone doing MEANINGFUL work or stuff than to engage in crowds, socialising in groups and stuff.
And then this will link to my principle of efficiency and wasting time. hahaha.
Its the same logic why I find project group work is useless.
Why do I want to spend time discussing over with several members and waste that discussing, liaising and stuff while all the I had to do was to equally come up with something as good alone?
As much I do agree that group work produce better work due to the larger probability set, the cost-benefit analysis always doesn't agree to it.
The solo work might be short fall by a bit to the group work, but then was that amount of time and effort put in by each individual member of the group worth the result?
For that marginal betterment? haha. hard to argue I will say.
I think on one account she asked me, "so if that's the case (that I prefer alone), why am I with you?"
I replied "cause I feel comfortable with you, I like you and I like you around me."
I think it's something I find it hard to get rid of. The solo part.
She also commented that I didn't need to tell her.
It's pretty self-evident that I'm solo and damn bloody solo by nature.
I guess this then links to the part whereby I don't like being tied down.
It's weird. I told kent this too. He said to me it's just a matter of time before I get tied down.
And when that day comes when I get tired of being solo, I will be willingly bounded to whoever I want to be bound with. I agree you know.
Or at least I hope at the end of it, I would be tied down by someone willingly.
I don't know if its her yet or whoever.
But I know this, and I agree to this.
It's just a matter of time.
And when it comes, it's just goes down to this..... who will be the unlucky girl, and who's willing to be that unlucky girl. haha. That's all.
I've told another quite good friend in school about this.
He asked me this. If ever you get married, will you still go by your own ways?
I replied him. "I very well possibly could and would. At least that's how I feel about myself down the years at the point now."
hahahaha.
This is the part I wished the future wife of mine good luck and have fun. hahaha
It's just a passing comment anyhow.
Well, it's been awhile since I've last blogged.
And trust me, it has nothing to do with women.
It's the work. Just didn't had enough capacity in the mind to blog. haha.
Well, the night is young today. It's 12. I've got like much work to do, tests to come and exams looming.
Just thought I spend some time blogging while enjoying my food.
Oh food.
Was saying I parked beside ber. I ate my pioneer food and got hungry.
I called carlene before that to ask if she want to supper. she ate already.
So i.e. solo. lol. I drove out again to search for west coast mac.
And I've found it. hahah. after much hype. carlene on a few occasions tell me it's a good place.
Now I see why. quite UPs. ber. can consider. no power though.
It's like our kallang mac in the west. hahaha.
So I drive-thru, bought more food and drove back.
Whilst entering the carpark, ber was driving out. haha.
and then I came up to this spot whereby I'm blogging?
hahah.
hmmm. I had squabbles with her over the days.
and tonight too.
I can't help but think what kent tell me is true.
I agree.
He said this before. Something along the line where I can score As for every fuk thing except WOMEN. haha.
true.
I don't know what kind of boyfriend am I.
If you asked me, I don't think I'm a good one.
I mean I told her much stuff about this relationship right from the start.
I told her the 3 main things she need to know about me.
1) I'm fuked up.
2) I'm MCP
3) I'm crazy.
and through this squabbles or quarrels, I realised it boils down to ONE FUKING PROBLEM - ME.
I'm the fuking source of it.
I fear what kent said the other day will come true, it's always my problem.
and tonight, I can't agree more.
It's always nothing to do with the girls.
It's always me.
Besides the fact that I will probably never forgive someone who had misplaced my trust, otherwise, the problem lies with me.
I think I'm inherently difficult to co-exist with. Really. She also says it's not which girl I'm with, it will still happen.
And the shitty part is I can't change this. How to? Well, I'm not sure either.
I think I'm just a difficult person to understand and a much more difficult individual to live with.
Anyhow, the quarrels settled. The conclusion I came to from it was, I don't really understand her yet. and she don't really understand me yet. There are evident fundamental differences which are inevitable.
I mean look, she's a girl, and I'm a guy, of course there would be fundamental character differences and stuff.
I told her what. If vin was a girl or I was gay, the dude will naturally be my partner already.WAHAHAHHA.
but sadly we're not. so he ended up as my roommate.
I think me and vin fits very well. He knows my soloistic characteristics too damn well. Sorry, dude, but that's true.
And hence......well, dude. It's just too bad you aint a girl. hahahaha.
So I guess we both still need more time to understand each other and for this to work out well.
I can't to think of the possible critical factors that could stem from this considering the last one broke up due to it as a contributing factor.
I think as this relationship goes on, like I've told her, the part 1), whereby I'm fuked up, will become more and more prominent.
I'm not fuked up in the sense that I don't dote my girlfriend. In fact, I do. ask her.
I'm fuked up because my character and personality is difficult to be compatible with anyone.
I just seem to self-restraint and screw up in the end. haha. I don't know.
Then this will lead me to this thought.
Could the relationship be too rush? I mean afterall, I only knew her for a few months as a group member and a few months as a friend. My understanding of her is not deep enough and likewise the same the other way round.
It makes me think. Should I have held back my question and let the understanding deepens first?
I mean I know I didn't mind not knowing her completely to be with her.
I just didn't know if she mind. Cause I will feel like I scam her "shang JIE CHUAN" as the days passed and she realised I'm not the way she have expected of me? and that I'm majorly flawed? I don't know.
It's just something at the back of my mind that as she gets to know me more as days passed, would she still find the inner CL interesting? Would she still like the CL then? I don't know and she wouldn't know either.
Only time will tell.
I think I've said this a few times.
Or at least people close enough will know this.
Only 3 kinds of people will like the inner me.
1) People who are equally fuked up. i.e. kent, ber, vin, etc etc.
2) People who are nice or too nice. i.e. xw, wileen, carlene, etc etc
3) People don't really know me.
And so far......she is one I couldn't classify her under any one of the category.
She likes me at least that's why she said yes I hope.
But she don't belong in any of the group.
fuked up? no. she could be, but highly doubt that.
too nice? nah. (She will read this and kill me subsequently, but nonetheless, I don't give a shit. wahahahhaha)
The last category? maybe. could be, I don't know.
I cannot gauge how much is her understanding of me.
But at least at this point of time, I classify her as.....the exception.
She seems to be. And I would like to think that she's my exception.
She's probably someone who walked into my life and somehow or rather likes me.
How exceptional is that? hahaha.
So may she be my exception for as long as it lasts and maybe something worked out in the end.
I do hope that.
I don't know if it will eventually worked out.
Like I told her, I will try and she will try.
I've told her much actually.
That being my gf doesn't need her to commit much.
I'm that crazy mother fuk who can lonerfied himself, and self-sustain and not be brought down by many things.
I told her I don't need her to do many things for me.
No need to fold cranes and stuff cause I'd just tell her how unpractical that is AFTER laughing at her. wahahahah.
uber bad.
I told her my concept of relationship that it should be complementary and not dictatorial or priority in her.
I don't need her to put me as first. Cause I think it's dumb. Nor I would do the same.
After much recollections and lessons I've learnt from the past relationship.
How far would this complementary thing go, I'm not sure.
But I believe, if both were meant to be, then they would be perfect complements to one another's life.
I've told her this. Just be herself. I don't need her to change, amend or do anything to suit me.
Just be herself. I think since I've made my decision to love her, I will try to love every aspect of her and her life.
And that is what that matters right?
Anyhow. Seems like it's a open secret in the class.
I don't know why too. It's always the case whereby people know me but I don't know them.
Same principle I guess. hahaha.
I think girlfriend has somewhat changed my life a little.
It's a honest fact that my efficiency drop fivefold when I study with her.
hahahahhaah. After some getting used to, it has increased but still not as insane as that when I'm alone or when I'm with the guys. haahhaah. She knows this too.
Hmmm. And it's funny. I secretly think my gf is a stalker. wahhahahahaa.
Today, on my laptop. My recent documents had photos of my first relationship.
I'm like thinking to myself, when the fuk I opened these photos.
And cough* who's the culprit?. LOL.
I secretly think she is like ultimate CU TAN ZI. LOL.
but plus points of gf.
I thought this scene was quite nice the other day.
5am. I driving back from another loner corner.
she was at the front seat sleeping. I thought it was nice to have someone on your left when drive.
I lowered the volume and drove in silence.
Somehow that silence didn't made me feel sad.
Instead, I was happy. I don't know why. haha
and then there's the breakfast thing.
It's always a surprise to open ur door and tadah! gf. buys you mac breakfast for you and your roommate. UPS.
then u is happy and u continue to crash in the bed. LOL.
hmmm.
I'd never expect her to be the same like me.
She's normal I know.
She's interesting I would say.
Her battery life is not as long as mine as proven. hahaha.
I'm just randomly commenting.
Well, thus far. I've epic failed a few times.
er. 1 week surprise was noobi-fied lol.
She being a minor at 19 years old, worries me at times.
I always don't want to ask her out late at night cause of her parents' concerns and that she's the only daughter.
ai wu ji wu theory applies.
or at least I try not to.
And since I know I'd be perfectly fine without her too, so why make her parents' worry. haha.
sorry, old man thinking.
I'd like to think that it's natural for her parents to be protective, strict and maybe at times unreasonable with her conduct as she's the only kid, girl and 19.
Compare to me. I've been like a wild crazy ass unrestricted since.... I don't know when.
LOL.
I don't know what I want to do also.
I think I just want to add the positive externalities to her life and reduce or minimize any negative ones.
Well, we havent been out on a proper date due to school work.
Quite a whole bunch lining up.
Not I busy. But she's busy too. i.e both cmi.
so... Wells.
I think I should end.
This entry has evolved too much.
AND KENT.
please change blogs.
EVERYONE IS GETTING TO MY BLOG FROM YOURS!
including my gf. thanks. LOL.
my xanga site is like how UNFINDABLE unlike yours.
LOL. or delete my name or something man. hahahaha.
and to gf. stop stalking my blog! haha.
GO AND DO BIZPLAN.
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| for too long, I've tried to find someone who would stop me in my tracks.
I'm never sure who will or who could.
Or whether she can.
But if there's one thing I'm sure of, I know I will give it a try.
Sorry for not updating.
School is piling.
I'm clocking stuff.
Fei Chang Bao Qian
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| hmmm.
as promised. here goes.
I haven't been blogging cause I was well, busy with work and stuff.
well.
I'm not in the mood.
so i really can give u a nice entry.
I have much thoughts
so yea.
be patient. wahahahaha.
i blog this weekend larrr.
promised.
kent, u can just come and verify urself.
no need see this entry.
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