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| "Will you come back in a heartbeat?
Don't be confused of what a great thing we could be...
We'll take a walk on the same street.
Can you tell me how Australia is like without me?"
------BOSTON DRAMA---- TYPECAST ROCKS!!!. | | |
| Sometimes the things you used to take for granted becomes the little things that prevent you from falling apart... Just talked to him right now...and i cant explain how ecstatic i am the moment we have had that virtual connection..that moment a new window opened bringing into my vision a message from him...even more so, the moment i saw him...but nothing could have compared to the joy i felt the moment i heard his voice...its like those moments when you just want to jump all the way up into the ceiling and all the way down into the floor...*sigh* the lightness of bliss...hehehe...his voice, his messages, his face (kht na sa web cam lang)...they remind me that somewhere, half way around the world, lies the other half of my beating heart (tangna ang cheezy ko)...and for those times, those moments na khit through the internet lang, we enter again into our own world...Buti na lang may internet,my cell phone and all, buti na lang we have all these gadgets to communicate...otherwise i would have gone insane... Last night i had dinner with nica and the gang...nica, sol, verge, guarnz, the nurses june and che with their bfs melvin and zemar...kakatouch na they were there to check me out,to make me feel ok..wala lang c tin...(leche tin, sumama ka naman.hehehe)..aun..pero the truth is, although i was laughing the whole time we were together, kahit isang beses or isang saglit of that time i was with them looking cheerful and jolly, i never really felt happy...i was laughing, pero i wasnt feeling anything...For a while natempt akong magyayang uminom..but then again, i promised myself na i wouldnt drink na, specially na he's not around...but more thaan anything else, its because my drinking has gone out of proportion na...its way out of my control na..so aun,i have had to resist it...and of course,i dont want to make him worry...i promised i'll go home by 9pm...hehhehe..mejo lumampas ng konti..but i did go home early anyweay... Feels weird going home early na...walang date and all...Specially today, saturday...we always go out on saturdays..it feels weird na, today, i wasnt out somewhere with him..that im stuck here in the house...i could have gone out,pero i chose to stay here...i dunno, i just dont have the zest to do anything right now...even kanina, i did yoga, pero dko makapag meditate, in less than an hour, i stopped na...parang kc i just want to be alone in my room, pero bat ganun? all of a sudden being alone doesnt give me solitude anymore...Being locked up in my room suddenly triggers a catharsis...But then, being with other people naman becomes such a struggle for me, parang i dont want to socialize muna...i just want to be alone, pero parang being alone doesnt give me the being of "aloneness"...lam mo un...haay...is this loneliness?..or am i sinking back into depression?...buti na lang i get to talk to him...everytime we talk, basta ang sobrang saya ko lang, bigla akong nagkakagana gawin ang mga dapat kong gawin...
anyways, tomorrow we have a field trip pa for RC, tangna namang Rizal yan, kelangan pa kameng magfield trip, at wag ka?..saan?..sa fort bonifacio and somewhere in Laguna..naman..pangbata...haay..i dont want to go..parang natatakot ako dun sa moment na nasa bus ako, nakatanaw sa bintana, nagiicp..shit, parang ang hirap nun..maaalala ko all our happy times, maaalala ko xa...naman..wag ganun..haay...
Leche talaga c Rizal...
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| The morning after, sb ko nga...hmmm...as much as i have accepted the fact, na he's somewhere beyond my reach na, the sadness hasnt subsided just yet... i woke up kanina,and for the first time in years, i prayed sincerely and selflessly to God...i asked God to help him and that may he land safely to australia...Then I browsed through my inbox...aun, feels sad na we had not had a conversation last night...u know, teh usual conversations we used to have had before we get to sleep, wherein we eventually slept on each other's reply...ang sad...but then i read na lang ulet his last message to me when he landed for a stop over in Hong Kong...and somehow, even for that one message, i felt alive..somehow... haay..How i miss him so much...kala ko d na ko iiyak today..pero kanina, i cried pa rin..i dunno..naicp ko kc how my life will be from now on...my life without him by my side..naisip ko in months time i'll graduate na, then i'll get a job na..lam mo un?..all this major changes that will happen in my life, and he will not be here to hold my hand...ang sad..pero kaya namin to...in two years, kaya ko to... tangna..wala lang..ang hirap tlga..basta kaya ko to... | | |
| by the way to my blog friends, may multiply kme, dats why i dont write here na...visit our multiply and add us up... http://magshutanglaseng.multiply.com | | |
| "Late at night when all the world is sleeping,
I stay up and think of you,
And I wish on a star
that somewhere you are thinking of me too.. Coz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, i'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me." Never has this song elicit so much emotion from me than right now...Cant help but let the tears fall down my eyes...it somehow makes the pain go away...but drains every bit of energy i have left in my body...I cant help it...My arms are hurting, longing to hug your body...How can life be this unfair?..How can God do this to us?...How could he put us apart? Sabi nila, in life may isang tao lang na magpapatibok ng puso mo, all the others, they're just there to prepare you para dun sa taong destined sayo...I have always said na I only want one relationship in my life...only one, my first and last...then came gene...cguro bata pa kme nun, bata pa ko...pero seryoso ung sa amin nun..aun..after him, sbe ko gusto ko ung sususnod na magiging bf ko, un na ung pakakasalan ko...And then you came...ang tagal, ang tagal bago maging tayo..ang tagal ko marealize na ikaw, you and me are meant to be together...ang haba ng love story natin, since highschool pa...madaming obstacles, maraming nangyari, ang tagal ko bago mauntog..sbe nga nila tanga ako, bakit ngaun lang...tanga nga ako...hehehe..ang tagal ko na nga bago marealize na mahal kita, pakipot pa ako...hahaha...oo pakipot tlga ako kahit kelan...xempre lam mo naman, auko ng basta basta, takot ako sa committment, kaya gusto ko if im gonna get into a commitmment, its with someone na i'm willing, no matter what it takes, to face that fear with...Sb ko nga kay kenito, "d pwede ung pwede na, i want someone na gusto ko, ung mahal ko, ung that one person who'll be worth all the pain and teh risks that comes with loving."...hahahha..sb ko nga..love is so complicated for my mind to grasp, kaya i'll only get into a relationship with someone to whom i'll be willing to take all the complications with...and guess what, ikaw un...And aun na nga, God and his unpredictable ways, brought us to each other's arms... And God, and his unpredictable ways, is putting us apart...Cguro its meant to be...Its part of his larger plan..May reason why you have to go...We just have to accept it... Akala ko ready na ko...lagi naman nating pinag-uusapan to..what we'll do, how we'll make this relationship work, kahit na we're apart...pero kahit anong preparation pala, wala pa din, nothing could've prepared me to this loneliness and pain that im feeling right now..i cant imagine, pano tom?..sb nila, physical presence lang naman ang mawawala, nanjan ka pa rin naman eh, nasa ibang bansa nga lang...pero hindi eh..i'll miss everything, ur hugs, kisses, teh way your fingers fit perfectly to the gap between my fingers, the way you smile when you see me from afar, ung pagsundo mo skn, ung mga away ntn...i'll miss every inch of your body..ung biceps mo, i love it...haay...kala ko carry lang, pero hindi... How could I love you this much?...Thank you ha, sa lahat ng sacrifices...medyo immature pa ko, pero u never get tired of me..na-spoil mo ko..lagi mo kong pinagpapasensyahan..thank you for holding on, kahit sobrang pasaway na ko, kahit lagi kitang nasasaktan...mahal kita sobra...basta pagbalik mo, i promise everything will be perfect na, we'll make evrything right na... till then my love...basta kaya natin to, we'll do whatever it takes, we'll fight for this relationship, not for anything else, but because it is what's meant, it's what is right...we'll make it work no matter what...distance can never break us apart..basta kaya natin to... I love you..ingat ka sa flight mo...usap tayo tomorrow... | | |
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