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| So it is Christmas time. Time to reflect not only on the great
gift that God gave to us when he sent his son down to be sacrificed for
our sins, but also on what the hell to buy for people. Chrstmas
is in two weeks and I have no idea what to get for most of the people
on my list.
While I cannot think of good gifts to get, I can certainly think of some bad ones. So I present to you the five worst gifts you
can possibly get for close adult friends and family members.
While the list was made with Christmas in mind, it applies for all
gift-giving occasions.
(Note: I did say adult friends and family. When dealing with kids, some of these are less stupid or possibly even good ideas.)
5. Pets.
Stories and television specials are full of instances where a
pet is given as a gift. Usually this happens in the form of a man
giving his wife/fiancee/girlfriend a cute puppy or kitten. Of
course, these works of fiction never bother to show all of the work
that goes into maintaining those pets. We are never endulged with
depictions of the woman hauling a 30-pond bag of dog food into her
house or cleaning out a litter box.
There are really two different scenarios here. The first is where
the giver and reciever are not living together, and the second is when
they are (spouses, roommates, etc). In the former, the gift-giver
is basically giving an animal to the reciever and saying, "Here, you
take care of this for me." The giver really makes out in this
situation because he or she is free to visit and enjoy the pet at any
time, but avoids in large part all of the 'icky' aspects of pet
ownership. In the latter situation, the pet usually isn't so much
a gift for the reciever. When the two are living together, the
giver is basically giving the pet to both of them, which is kind of a
cop out. If the relationship is sure to be permanent, then there
is really no sense of ownership on the reciever's part. What is
more, the giver is the only one who was involved in the pet selection
process, so that person is free to choose whatever gift he or she
wants. In many cases the end result will be a pet that the giver
will enjoy more than the reciever.
If the cute gift doesn't come with a notarized contract stating that
you will feed and clean up after it, then don't give it at all.
Exceptions: Pets that
replace lost ones; when the giver is giving in to relentless pressure
to get a pet; pets for kids (see note above); seeing-eye dogs.
4. Cell Phones.
The cell phone companies are really laying it on thick this
year. It seems that every commercial break contains at least one
ad telling people that cell phones "make a great gift" (as a side note,
if an ad has to tell you that something makes a great gift instead of
you coming up with that on your own, then they are lying).
The biggest problem with giving a cell phone as a gift is
commitment. The best deals on cell phone are only available with
two year contracts. So if you give someone a phone, you are
forcing them to stick with it for more than 700 days. The real
problem comes in when deciding how the giver and reciever will pay for
it. If the giver will pay for it over the entire course of the
plan, that means the gift could easily end up costing over $800.
Now I don't know about others, but that seems a bit out of my typical
price range. On the other hand, if the giver does not foot the
bill, then the giver is giving a cost-intensive gift to the
reciever. In essense, the giver is giving the reciever a
bill.
Then there is the 'do I want this?' problem. Cell phones are more
or less a staple these days. If an adult wants a cell phone, they
usually have one. If an adult does not have a cell phone, that
usually means they don't want one. So if one gives a cell phone
to someone who doesn't have one, that generally implies imposing an
object onto another person. This could easily be interpreted as
'keeping a leash' on the reciever, and that can only lead to bad things.
There also are too many extras
to consider. Does the reciever want a camera phone? What
about text messaging? If pictures or text messages have a fee per
use, who pays for it? Who pays for overage and roaming
fees? Whose college fight song do you download as a ring
tone? If they break up before the end of the plan, what
happens?
Unless you are buying a phone for a talks-a-lot teenage daughter, you should probably pass on this one.
Exceptions: Kids, of
course (again see above note); people who are way into keeping
pace with current technology; people who get lost a lot.
3. Gift Certificates.
Now I get to one that a lot of people actually give, so let me
make a clarification first. I am talking about giving a gift
certificate to someone who you are around a lot -- signifficant others,
close friends, direct family. You know, people who are both
nearby (physically) and who you actually care about (dozens of
officemates do not count).
There are three big problems I have with gift certificates.
First, they aren't really a gift in and of themselves. They are
essentially a gift raincheck. They say, "you can have a gift when
you take the time and effort to go get it." The reciever then has
to physically go and get the gift.
Second, gift certificates are nothing more than currency that is
accepted at a narrow selection of businesses. They are like
giving cash, but cash that isn't good everywhere. I often wonder
why people give gift certificates instead of an envelope full of cash
with a note saying, "I would prefer you spend this money at XYZ."
At least then the reciever can decide whether or not to honor that
desire of the giver (much like how the reciever can return a gift for
money).
Third, gift certificates represent a failure on the part of the
giver. I am big on the meaning behind gifts. The reason I
give gifts is to show those who I care about that I am willing to put
forth the effort of determining what they would enjoy and then getting
it for them. I put less emphasis on cash value of the object in
question and more on the sacrifice of actually getting it. The
gift certificate utterly fails as a gift in this regard. It is as
if the giver is saying, "I have an idea what genre of gift you want,
but I didn't want to figure out what specific one you want."
People should take the time to figure out what specific gifts would be
good for those close to them. They should not cheat the system
with a gift certificacte.
Exceptions: Gifts for
people who live more than 100 miles away; non-centerpiece gifts in a
group of gifts for the same person; dinner certificates at high-scale
restaraunts (Applebee's does not count); gifts for people whom you
don't understand.
2. Cash.
I'm not too worried about this one at the moment, because the stigma surrounding
giving cash is still strong enough to deter most people from doing
it. With the widespread use of gift cards as gifts and the
increasing materialism in America today, however, I fear that cash
might become an accepted gift in the near future.
The revoltion that people have towards the cash gift gives credibility
to my belief that the effort behind the gift is important. If it
weren't, then cash would be the ultimate gift. After all, how is
getting a $30 object better than getting $30? With gift
certificates, the flexibility comes at the price of having to travel to
the business that the certificate came from. With cash, however,
this is less of a problem because it is acceptable anywhere. So
unless the reciever has agoraphobia, the cash isn't much of an
inconvenience.
Cash also has the problem of value... it is worth the same to
everyone. With gfts, value is relative because an object might be
worth more to one person than it is to another. If person A gives
person B a $25 gift and B wives A a $30 gift, the descrepancy is not a
problem if the gifts are each of high value to the reciever. If
those people gave cash to each other, then the descrepancy would be
apparent.
Finally, cash is not a good gift because it is too easily given and
accepted. If giving cash were acceptable, then the risk of two
people giving the same thing to each other would be high. And if
the holidays simply means exchanging money, then a fair excahnge of
gifts would leave everyone exactly where they were before the exchange.
So despite the fact that it will play right into the commercialization
of Christmas (or whatever event the gift is given for), go out and buy
something instead of giving cash.
Exceptions: Gifts for extended family members at least one
generation younger than the giver; forgiveness of debts; people whom you
want to piss off.
1. Lottery Tickets.
Yes, there is a gift worse than cash. I don't know if this
happens in every state, but here in Pennsylvania we are annually
treated to a barrage of commercials telling us that lottery tickets
make great gifts (see cell phones for the "makes a great gift" ad
explination). I would hope that most of the civilized world
recognizes that a lottery ticket is the worst gift one could possibly
give.
The obvious first reason why lottery tickets make poor gifts is because
a vast majority of them lose. No other gift in the world finds
it's way to the trash can as consistantly as a lottery ticket.
After one minute of scratching or watching TV, what once was a
thoughtful gift (according to the PA lottery comission) becomes a
useless piece of paper.
Almost as bad is the potential for a huge win. What happens if
the ticket wins a hundred million dollars? It is inevitable that
the giver will feel quite bad at the reciever's good fortune, and this
will most likely lead to animosity between the two of them. The
giver will probably jokingly imply that he or she deserves a cut of the
winnings, and the relationship will be downhill from there.
What makes matters worse is the false hope of wealth that a lottery
ticket delivers. When a person holds one in their hands, it is
only natural for him or her to think about how life will change if it
wins. Visions of mansions, sports cars, and early retirement
dance in our heads when faced with the prospect of instant
riches. Then, in the blink of an eye, the hope is dashed agaist
the rocks of reality and statistics. This process takes the
reciever of a lottery ticket gift through the roller coaster of great
hope and great disappointment, and chances are good that the reciever
will like the giver a little less when the ride is over.
Lottery ticket gifts suck, plain and simple.
Exceptions: None
Honorable Mentions
Cars -- All future gifts will pale in comparison. For years you will look cheap for not repeating the car gift.
Jewelry -- Am I the
only one who thinks spending hndreds of dollars on an object with no
function is silly? At least engagement rings, wedding bands, and
anniversary gifts remind you of something, but birhtday or Christmas
jewelry just seems dumb.
Regular Clothes -- A really nice shirt, tie, or dress might be nice, but ordinary sweaters or socks are not.
Donations -- If I want to give
to charity, I will give to charity myself. Donation gifts deny me
both my gift and the good feeling of giving to charity (since I didn't
actually do it myself).
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| Yeah, the date above is correct. It has been over a year and a
half since I posted last. I stopped since I realized that
Caroline was the only person reading this, and it was thus quite
pointless. I've decided to start it up again in the hopes that
someone else might read it someday.
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| And now it is May. Funny how time flies when you are buried up to
your neck with work. I was further behind this semester than I
every have been. When I had my accident (got hit by a car), I
fell behind in both of my courses taught by Dr. Hochreiter. I
missed one assignment in each class, and the next thing I knew it was
April and I hadn't turned in a homework assignment in over a
month. Long story short, I turned in 9 homework assignments in
addition to the two projects fot those same classes and a lab notebok
for 450 which I wrote entirely in one day.
I pulled an all-nighter last night to finish up the work and to study
for one last test at 7:30am for 597b. But it all ended this
morning when I walked into Dr. Hochreiter's office with a huge stack of
papers and handed him, in order: 2 copies (54 pages each) of our
431W final report, three 597 assignments (~12 pages each), a new
revision of my test procedure for research, and our 597b project final
report (25 pages). I then went and took the test. The best
part was that a huge grin appeared on Dr. Hochreiter's face when I
turned in everything, and he turned to the other three guys who were
there and said, "So what have you guys been up to?"
Now all that I have regarding this past semester's classes is to make a
poster for our 431W project. On the whole it was a good semester;
it would have been a lot better if I hadn't fallen so far behind.
I could try to pin it on my bad ankle, but that would just be an
excuse. I just screwed up. Hopefully I'll learn my lesson
for next semester. At least next semester I only have two classes
instead of three, so it should (in theory) be easier to stay abreast.
In other news, my ankle is feeling better. I've been walking on
it for almost a month now, and it only bothers me when I run. I
even rode my bike to campus one day. I also spent a Saturday
playing golf -- not necessarily a high ankle-impact activity, but it
felt good none the less.
The golf trip was quite an interesting event. I haven't played
golf in over 6 years, and boy did I show it. I sucked. But
it was a lot of fun  . This summer should be lots of fun as
Matt and I are determined to learn how to play that game well.
So now it is the summer, I guess. It feels great to be done with
classes, but this summer is going to be less eventful than summers
past. As a grad student, I have to work on my reasearch and get
most of it done before the fall. I now have an undergraduate
assistant named Gavin, so I can actually play the part of the middle
manager . I also am taking one class this summer (because Dr.
H told me to), so that will tie me down for most of June and July.
Well, I'm off to take a shower, get something to eat, and pack. I'm going home tomorrow and coming back on Wednesday.
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| It's Friday night, and that technically means that Spring Break is
over. Overall, it was a great break. I got to go back to
Hopkins, see a bunch of friends, go to the Crease, and see a lacrosse
game. The game was great since we crushed Princeton. Not
beat, crushed. Always a great event (since Princeton
sucks). Perhaps I should go see more games... I've never been to
a game where we lost.
I also got to talk to Dr. Herman's Heat Transfer course about grad
school. It was kind of funny to be in that room acting all
important and smart when only two years ago I was in their seat trying
to stay awake. I don't think I convinced anyone to go who hasn't,
but I was able to pass on some real nuggets of knowledge... like 'apply
early' and 'research your schools.'
In other news, I know for sure that I will be staying at Penn State for
this summer. I've fallen behind in my reaserch, but I'm not
worried since it seems like falling behind is perfectly natural for a
grad student. So I'll be doing research and hopefully being
paid.
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| So I saw an orthopedic surgeon today about my ankle. Lo and
behold, there is a fracture in a bone in my ankle that University
Health Services managed to miss. Even though the fracture was
fairly obvious. On a good note, there is no seriuos muscle
injury. So now I am off my feet for three weeks and have a big
boot on my foot, but it could have been worse.
On an unrelated note, nobody called or IMed me last night at 9:11. I guess I should have sent that message to 13 people...
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