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| oh i've been having some strange dreams.
i'm still drinking too much, but one of my vices, i've quit and now i have no interest in starting up again.
"you said you only wanted friends for long enough to get rid of them. you found that kind you knew would only kill you so you surrounded yourself with them. at least the dark don't hide it..."
i've got some good friends, i've got some bad friends.
i hope the good ones find that happiness they're looking for and/or currently have. and the bad ones....i wish the same.
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| feb. 12 2005
downtown gc for a show to see a band from sr.
guess who i saw!
partied with him!!!
had a left over case of beer that he bought
he was going away.....i owe him....or so i say.
i guess it was luck.
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| what the fuck!
what the (explicit language)
Maybe all these coincidences are leading to
my complete destruction. demise
This is about all of you.
Why must you lie?
Thanks for not all being such actors in this play of life.
You had a dream, you had a voice.
Talent, smarts, a genius dark soul.
In the back with the power to
mesmorize, revolutionize. Che.
Walks about, around the buroughs we call
home. the routes that are all so common.
You play these games. You get my hopes
up, you make me thyink, change my mind about
what I thought I knew to be fact. Then the mood
changes, you can't get anything more out of
'chance meetings' (oh those undeniable proofs
seen through the eyes of a man with imagination)
(Schiller)
The hope si then crushed. NO more. What's
in it for me?, you might think. I become draining.
How could I have thought you could handle being
my strength.
Some have the courage to say
how they feel. SOme don't. I need your
honesty.
I've been through a cut off before -
cut off from the artists I held dear. I couldn't
imagine going through the experience again.
The second act of the story has been
short. coincidences, similarities, corrresponding points
on my charts and graphs. Whatever it is/was
I should have had this knowledge before.
Maye I always did. I've already noted the
abilities shared that have made me think. It's the
healthiest thing for my soul.
the second act is coming to an end
My world right now is ending. His lies are the
freshest. How I adore these 3
An end! Curtains down - scene change (change
with appropriate wording).
Religion, philosophies, music, the art - my
artists. I know exactly what I wish to realize.
I know without a doubt what I'm looking for.
Though I found my all(most) Perfect
treasure twice and their flaws imploded
my goals, I know there's a chance.
Poetry, late night phone calls, walks
about town.
kerouac/wine/railroads/love
you and me, we're dharma bums at heart.
12-23-04
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| maybe i shouldn't have treated this use of internet space as a journal. maybe i shouldn't have done anything the way i have....i have my car, i have....i have my books, i have my music....i can't ask for anything more.
ah, we all know i'll never be satisfied with anything i have anyways.
eh...goodnight. | | |
| Oh yeah.
I have signed over the next 56 months away to the world.
let's start out by saying, i have no job security. yes, i could
loose my job at any time and then i'd have to hurry up and go to work
at a grocery store or mcdonalds or something....nothing wrong with
that....it's just i work for the, well an important place now!
so...um....reason i need a job = money. reason i need money = car.
yes, i have a car. going to make 215 dollar payments a month on
it....plus i'm giving my dad an extra 85 dollars a month to put towards
my 140something dollar insurance. christ. money rules the
world.
anyways, my car....listen....
it's a used car. a 1998 honda civic ex coupe, two door. only has
51100 miles on it. it's silver, has a sun roof, an am/fm radio,
a tape player and a six disc cd player....BUT the cd player is in the
trunk!?! it's not too bad. i'm happy...it's my baby
now. over the next few year i'll be paying over 11000 dollars for
this car...but...you know...whatever, it's the value of the car plus
the loan interest crap....and this will help me build credit. i
believe i can manage this. i hope so at least.
ah...well it's 11.30 and i have to get up in six hours for my job. so goodnight.
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