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scarletdreams09
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Name: Katharine
Country: United States
State: Virginia
Gender: Female
Interests: Cello, good music (techno, rock - you know, all that good shit), biology/medicine/etc., anime, wit and humor, intellectual debate, friends, love, life, and... um, stuff.
Expertise: Something I wish I had more of.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  scarletdreams09
Member Since:
9/30/2004
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| I miss home in spite of the fact that I dread talking to my parents.
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| I feel very horrible because I thought a thought which contained a phrase which said 'true friends at Penn State' where 'Penn State' meant 'the main campus', which isn't accurate at all because my true friends are from home and my friends from home that attend Penn State are at the campus in Erie.
I hate the fact that a portion of me tries to put my friendships from home into the 'completely in the past' category when I'm happy about the fact that my friendships from home are in the present time. I'm at college, but the feeling of belonging to my group of friends from home instead of a niche at college is perfectly normal.
I was fairly stupid before I attended Canterbury Woods, especially in friendships.
I feel very vulnerable.
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| I miss everybody from home.
During Sunday, I realized how painfully lonely I feel at college at the moment.
My closest friends are at college in different locations - none of them attend University Park (hopefully my ex'll transfer to University Park during the autumn; if he doesn't transfer to University Park, I'll probably try to attend classes in Erie because he attends classes there and Josh attends classes there and Inga attends classes there).
I'm too uncomfortable about problems at home at the moment to come home at all.
I'm depressed.
I try to talk to people. I try to contribute a helping hand. I think I'm friendly.
So what's the problem of a bunch of people? Why are most people so damn indifferent towards me? Am I a horrible person at all?
You know what? If you don't want to lose my friendship at all, pull your share of the weight. Because if you don't want to do a reasonable portion of the work of friendship at all, then I'll become a friend to people that pull their share of the weight.
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| Holy crap. I already suppressed the pain.
I think the dissociation from the pain is a habit. I barely tolerate emotional pain very efficiently at all.
The pain isn't healed at all; it'll require a lot of time. It's difficult to tolerate the emotional pain because there was a lot of emotional investment.
There's a portion of me that wants to wish the pain away. It was a valid relationship, despite the fact that a portion of my brain wants to think the time which Dan and I spent was a waste of two years when the time which Dan and I spent clearly wasn't a waste of two years at all.
There's a portion of my brain which wants to think there wasn't a relationship at all just to wish away the pain, despite the fact that I know I was the girlfriend of Dan in a very real and valid and romantic sense of the word.
I'm happy about the fact that the time which Dan and I spent wasn't a waste of two years at all. I'm happy about the fact that I was the girlfriend of Dan.
It'll require a lot of time to salvage the friendship. I know he wants to salvage the friendship, and I know I want to salvage the friendship, but it'll require a lot of time.
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| I'm trying to process the pain from the occurrences during Friday. It hurts very much.
There went the best two years of my life.
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