I've had questions without answers I've known sorrow, I have known pain But there's one thing that I cling to You are faithful, Jesus You're true When hope is lost I call You Saviour When pain surrounds I call You Healer When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart In the lone hour of my sorrow Through the darkest night of my soul You surround me, You sustain me My defender for ever more When hope is lost I call You Saviour When pain surrounds I call You Healer When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart And I will praise You I will Praise You When the tears fall Still I will sing to You I will praise You Jesus praise You Through the suffering Still I will sing to You When hope is lost I call You Saviour When pain surrounds I call You Healer When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart I will praise You I will praise You When the tears fall Still I will sing to you I will praise You Jesus I will praise You Through the suffering Still I will sing to you When the laughter fails to comfort When my heart aches, Lord You'll be there When confusion is all around me And the darkness is my closest friend Still I'll praise You Jesus praise You
At 7.42am today, our dog Summer passed away. She had been diagnosed with liver and kidney failure last week and had been in the animal hospital since. Doctors tried everything they could and blood test results were not encouraging each time. Toxin levels was 10 times higher than it was supposed to be.
Our family prayed, begged, cried, hoped, trusted for healing, stayed strong. And finally today, God took her back home. I have no answers as to why God didn’t answer our prayers the way we wanted Him to, except that, He is God and He knows what’s ahead and what’s best. We prayed, but nevertheless, it was in His hands.
Now all we’re left with are beautiful memories of all her antics, her collar which bell sounds all too familiar, her empty cage, 2 huge unopened bags of dog food, dog treats, her water and food dish, her leash, and her fetch toy. Thank God that my family took lots of pictures of her while she was alive and well, cause that’s the way I want to remember her – hyper, energetic, bubbly, giving, beautiful, and happy.
No doubt it hurts so much. In fact, I never knew my heart could ache in so many places in such magnitude. She was more than a dog, she was already part of the family, we even nicknamed her Low Sher-Mer. She was a sister. And I guess, this is a bond that only people who own and love dogs can understand.
We visited her body a while ago, it was bloated and cold. I could only bear touching her floppy ears… that was my favorite part of her body other than her eyes and snout. They were as floppy as always, just a little swollen, but they were cold. The vet will be cremating her on our behalf.
So this was it. A week ago, she was her usual self, a week later, she is gone. Life is so fragile. My dad explained that all life comes from God, He breathed life into them and they had their being, when they had served their purpose, He breathes again, and takes them home. She completed her mission perfectly; she taught us what it meant to love and be loved, how to give unselfishly, how to keep our joy, how to not whine and complain when things were tough. In fact throughout the whole of last week’s ordeal, she never once cried, whined, fussed, or complained… that was our Summer, always brave, always strong, always happy. Even in her pain, she’d always wag her tail when she saw us.
The pain and the tears we cry are because we lost a beautiful friend. We’re sad that we could not have journeyed longer with her. But God decided, and it is not final. She’s gone back to where she came from. He took her home, for a little while. I know one day when I go to Heaven I’ll see her there. There may be no theological backing for this but, it’s what I’m holding onto.
So, thank you all for your prayers, words of encouragement, concern and tears. It means a whole lot to my family. We’ll be OK. Even now, there’s peace in knowing that she is free from pain and suffering. God is still the great I AM, the Alpha and Omega, the great physician, the one true living God. He still is, He still is.
The day we brought Summer home, we knew she would never be anything less than a family member. She instantly became the baby of the family. This power-packed Jack Russell Terrier became the entertainer, the clown, and the mediator of our family. Always waggy-tailed, with her cute frown on the top of her head, she never ceased to make us happy. Ooo she was my savior from the wrath of smelly, disgusting roaches. In fact, they were her play toys. She quickly learnt the word roach in many forms “cockroach”, “roach”, “kat chat”, or just “AHhhhhhhhhh” (our screams). If she heard any of these, she’d dart out from any corner of the house, and the next thing you know, CHOMP, there goes the threat – annihilated!
So, she has been with us for 6 years now, still very young for a small dog, they usually live up to 15. And we sometimes take her for granted. She is the welcome committee in the house. Regardless of what time, how many times, or whoever it is that comes home, she’ll always be the first to wait by the door, and greet you with a hug (she really knows how to! She’ll jump up and put her head next to yours) and then turn over for a belly rub. At times when we take too long to get out of the car, she’ll climb up to the sofa, and peek through the window. I really love her…
Last week, Summer started getting sick, she was throwing up everything she ate, and she even stopped eating completely. We brushed it off as maybe food poisoning of her “emoing”. She got worse. Earlier this week, with the insistence of my sister, Summer was finally brought to the vet. First prognosis… not good. She had probable kidney and liver failure. Results came back positive for both. Liver failure is one of those treatable illnesses for dogs, but kidney failure on the other hand… is harder with higher mortality rates.
When I heard the news, all I felt was an aching in my tummy. Because we let her suffer for so long… Summer was then warded into the animal clinic but then brought home. That night, she vomited blood. It was the scariest thing any of my family members had seen (I was at my home so I didn’t witness it). Panic gripped everyone’s heart as we all rushed to the only 24 hours animal clinic. She has been in there since…This is the 4th day. After 2 blood tests, her liver is better, but her kidneys are not. Doctors said it was not a good sign. Scretin (or something like that) levels is 10 times higher. In short, her toxin levels are sky high.
Disaster does hit when you’re least expecting it. Past few days I’ve been trying to comfort myself and build up the faith. Today after the latest blood test results, my confidence and trust in God plumaged… Still a gentle small voice coaxed me to remember who my God is.
My God is the Alpha and the Omega, the creator of ALL things, the King of kings, Lord of lords, Greatest Physician, the comforter, the Almighty, the Rock on which I stand, the One who has been trialed, tested, and approved, the one who understands, Great and mighty is he, the one in whom all things were created by and for, the one who holds all things together. This is my God.
So this is all I have to cling on to – who my God is. Even though at times my flesh struggles for more signs, more assurances, more answers, one thing remains – that knowing and trusting who God is, is more than enough.
