|
silver_panther
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Olim
Country: Venezuela
Gender: Female
Interests: swimming! yeah!!readingwatching moviestravelling(though not so much)watching spongebob square pantsbrit comedy + facelift
Expertise: releasing the natural goodness of my being into the wild
Occupation: economist wannabe
Industry: economics
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
8/2/2003
|
|
| it is with a heavy heart that i write this entry. i've just realised that i might not be able to make it to honours at all -- even if i pull my cap up to 3.5, for the very simple reason that i do not meet the requirements for the core mods. which are "min average grade point for 3101 and 3102 together of 4.0". there are several reasons why i don't want to graduate so early.
1. hard to find job.
2. don't want to leave school so early.
as i hear my mom coughing so hard in the next room, it's really difficult to be excited about going overseas, knowing that my parents are scraping to let me go on this trip. that when i come back, it's only 1 more semester in school with my friends. that cold, hard reality will come -- i have to start providing for my family, to start repaying my loans (which are pretty substantial coz i took a loan to go on sep), to start the mundane 9-5 life and be a responsible, mature adult who deals with bitchy colleagues. after these thoughts go through my brain, i just feel that everything's lost, and that i should withdraw from sep, drop out of school and start working. . all that i've worked for, lost. i'll not make excuses for myself that i've been occupied with sports club stuff, coz i haven't. but the truth is that i've really studied. whether it's the right way to do it, or the wrong way to do it. i don't deny that i've studied, and studied hard. i guess, life is like that.
when i was out today with aifung for dinner at old airport road market, just thought about life in general. graduate, get a job, pay your bills, pay your insurance, pay your loans, get married, give birth, get more jobs to earn money to support the new additions to the family, get anxious over the kids' grades/upbringing/development, grow old while you pay bills through your nose, die.
it just seems so right that i drop out of school now and go to work. i know i moan and groan and whine to my mom that i don't want to study now. and every single time she replies, 'if you don't want to study, what do you want to do?' and every single time i'm stumped. if i don't want to study, i just want to do things in my own way, in my own time. i guess that's a typical wealthy kid's lifestyle. don't have to worry about money, parents paying for tuition fees (so no need to take loans), parents can afford to support their own lifestyle, and you get the freedom to travel around. when you graduate, you get into a better job through connections, or through prior opportunities that you've gotten through connections (eg internships). or you can choose to dump your degree and go into something you're passionate about (eg photography). however, life is such that not every person can afford that kind of lifestyle.
so i guess for now, i just have to treasure my time in university, study hard, play hard, and save money, for the road ahead of me is not smooth.
| | |
| have been keeping to myself these past few days. is not that i've suddenly developed loner syndrome. ok, but i have but currently in the denial stage. whatever it is, have been trying to avoid spending time with others. i'd end work, and then window-shop for hours instead of going home. i'd reject invitations to stay in the library and look at microfilm. ok. that does sound like i've developed loner syndrome. but i just don't feel like going out with people, or talking to others beside my closest friends. thought about it, and guess maybe i just don't want to develop something and then kill it coz i'm leaving for exchange? it's really hard missing a lot of people. it'll just be less difficult if it were a smaller group to miss. illogical, but really have been feeling that i've left my social graces in the toilet bowl at tuas checkpoint.
anyway, on a lighter note, have been trying to figure out how to start emptying my room of stuff before i leave. just realised that i have hell lot of junk stuffed in the oddest places. wine gums stuffed between my bags, which are stuffed in the cpu holder, on top of stacks of cloth. chips, sweets, apple tea, jap jelly, instant noodles stuffed in a cabinet together with stacks of post-its and musty books. chocolate digestives, headphones (prize for best councillor for last year's oweek -- JUST FOUND THEM!!), korean snacks, sticks of hi-chew under my table together with cup noodles. and all overdue (except for the non-perishables). sian man. then need to clear out my wardrobe -- a lot of clothes that i've accumulated over the months for this trip, though i think i overbought. and the shoe cabinet in my room, before my mom finds out i've 15 pairs of shoes/slippers in there. so many things to do, yet once i start clearing them, i realise that it's the start of my departure from singapore. all until then (or now, since it's a good time to emo at 3.28am), it's jsut been booking tickets online. everything's virtual, and i don't feel the pinch because 4th august just seems so faraway. trying to procrastinate even though the hours tick by seems to aggravate the situation, to make me feel like it's eons away. learn to cycle. start clearing my room. start packing. start chasing after people to get things done, and tie up loose ends. start finding my feet again. basically, start to wake up.
| | |
| was bored after coming home and so spent the night surfing youtube. no kidding. on most days, i'd be hooked onto hours and hours of House. but today felt different. i needed to get away from all things intellectual. i had initallywanted to continue my cross-stitch while watching boys before flowers (bbf), not that i understand korean at all, but it was brainless enough for my purposes. however, typing in 'bff' turned up Paris Hilton's British Best Friend (BBF). hands down, BBF was more inane than boys before flowers, and so i ended up watching a bunch of brits (1 stripper, 1 gay, 1 failed singer) vying to be someone's best friend. and it was paris hilton.
anyway, that's not what this entry is all about. after filling my brain with quite some nonsense, i happened to turn up Hilary Duff's music video for Reach Out. for those not in the know, or rather for those who have far higher interests, this is Hilary Duff of Lizzie McGuire fame (something like a female version of Macolm in the Middle). partnering hormones with the increasing probability of risque being a genre of music itself, it seems as though females who grow up in the hollywood environment just looove being onscreen sluts. but i guess sex sells, and maybe they need the petty cash to substantiate their booze. one may say that the outright sexuality that female celebrities ooze these days is an example of how the female sex has been liberated from their restraints -- you have to admit that sex is power wielded over others.
i have to say that argument is stretched quite a bit to fit reality. true, women these days don't have to adhere to the dictations of the opposite gender. but these female celebrities weren't sex symbols when they stepped out into the limelight. i guess the most brought up celebrity to this argument would be britney spears. who knew that the famed star of 'From the Bottom of my Broken Heart' and 'Sometimes' would come out with 'Womanizer' and 'If You Seek Amy'. of course, she was the one upfront, not the one who wrote it, and it thus cannot be conclusive that her songs are representation of her character.
what i'm curious about is, why do these (seemingly?) innocent girls turn out to be so sexually needy? at the risk of sounding like a worried mother of 10 young girls, don't their parents do something about it? britney spears was not an anomaly. lindsey lohan, drew barrymore, hilary duff have all done the innocent-turned-into-sex-object. drew barrymore aside, the celebrities mentioned are the ones that young children look to as role models in society nowadays. even the younger ones (miley cyrus, for example) look up to those mentioned. once again, it's hard to extrapolate so far and summarise in one generalisation that famous young girl will grow to become a sex symbol, but i could go on and on forever.
pop culture can be used as a mirror for society, for it caters to society's demands. while it's hard to turn on the radio today and not hear 3Oh!3's Don't Trust Me, we just have to accept that much of what we know of these celebrities have been weeded out by the paparazzi looking for a money-making opportunity.
| | |
| just came back from 2 days (3, considering day 0 as well) of Arts Camp 2009. the freshies were, OH MANNNNN, really really awesome. and shuyu (the ogl) reminds me of alicia loh. hahha.
anyway, was surfing facebook just now, and caught the video montage from Arts Camp 2008. well, times are really different. but it's hard to compare the camps like that. both had very different leaders, both had very different people who participated. what i noticed (aside from all the kok hairdos of my freshies then) is that the people in the camps change, BUT the house spirit is always there. i can say for sure that o week 2007(my first arts orientation thingy with chonghan and kher cheng as house ics) is worlds apart from arts camp 2009. but, r house is still the house of love. a house is still crazy. led by michelle (she IS a legend, well to me she is). t house is still well... ahem. s house is still playing dirty (well, i really feel that way). not only that, i'd go as far as to say that the arts spirit is still there. yes, the dynamics definitely change from camp to camp, but all of them were equally fun. i guess, it's not how the camp markets itself, but how much you want to put in effort to have fun there.
that being said, this is probably my last arts orientation camp in nus. i'm really really sad about it. it really feels as though this is it. but cannot. need to get my grades up. really. sigh. well, that has to be seen after 1 sem in S/U Land, aka DEUTSCHLAND!!! which reminds me, need to settle housing payment FAST FAST FAST. shit, man.
like i said earlier, was looking through the videos of arts camp last year. i saw my beloved racardi featured in many shots, and i was damn proud. what made me even prouder was how they carried themselves now as councillors to the new freshies. i guess, that's what makes the lao jiangs want to come back year after year -- to see how the house blooms. it's really strange to realise that those shy people then are now the ones leading the new shy people, and next year, the new shy people this year will lead the even newer shy people next year.
whatever happened at arts camp & o week, i can say that i've been there, done that, loved it -- well, with the exception of the phone call in o week 08. :S still, i really loved it. now i'm not sure whether i should do my last wish of doing tug of war at beach day tmrw. but... this is the last chance man. *sigh* after that, i know i'm really satisfied and done with camp, even though i haven't participated in SP, speed dating, fright night, and the other kok activities.
Rumseng, Racardi, Rasino, Raidee, Redio, Rechno -- doesn't matter which og it was, but my heart and soul has already been dedicated to you.
| | |
| wow. it's been over a month before i touched my xanga. hahaha. oh well.
jobbing recently, so...
anyway, just to let readers know, have already set up shop at another blogsite (haha. figured might as well try out something else) for my sep matters. :)
that's all.
toots.
min.
| | |
|
