Right now I am playing this game. Although it is a game for one, in some extremely selfish way, i need your full participation and attention. However, only when i require it. Also do note that you may be a key chess piece in this game, but there are several other games, where you are just a pawn. And several others where you are off the chess board. Up and down the snakes and ladders, is it any surprise why you are screaming for an end?

Right now I am looking at this picture of a girl. She was my senior and also the most popular girl in school. When I was 13, I would have given anything to be in her shoes. Now she puts her v shaped fingers on her lips and presses her tongue through it. And just as she was when she was 17 all her friends followed her. Not as she is when she is 27, I don't want to be 27 with a daily hangover, an unemployed CV, low slung jeans and a belly button ring.

Right now I am listening to this song. It is a song to blares through the pretentious chatter, the stabbing of backs and the uncongenial gossips. A happy clappy song that gets your right shoulder twitching, and then your left shoulder begins its own rhythm. Soon you find your fingers snapping despite the fact that you can't snap. Before you know it, you have vacated your seat and doing the world's most embarassing dance. Yet, your heart is light and your smile is bright.

Right now I am at this place. This latitude where letters do not arrive and is not defined by a postcode or historic landmark. I have become a passing town for people in search of something greater. For each wanderer that comes through, he/she is fed with laughter, showered with love and rests in my heart. With each stolen souvenir, I find myself emptier and smaller in this ever growing sense of loneliness.

Right now I am reading the book of life and the answers are not written at the back.

only once in your life will you find a person who unlocks the disenchantment casted by time over a relationship. a person whom you love for all his material surfaces and love even more when stripped bare of all opulence. a person who gets you planning for 30 years to come and excites you about about the next 30 days to come. a person whose every kiss feels like the first kiss. a person who permeates your thoughts all day, all night and then somemore. a person brings the adage that there are no perfect people, just people perfect for each other come true.

and that is why it sucks that, there is only one you.

If I could paint a sad goodbye;
I’d paint your eyes a clear blue sky.
Pluck you grace from a pale faced moon
And slumber down this tattered room.

If I could find an amber train;
Lord I’d ride it to the bitter end.
Passing hope in the summer bloom;
Passing dreams and a fading tune.

If I should stray amid crimson rose…
Whither angels on wings of gold?
Who for flowers in the month of May?
Who for you on your winter’s day?
Who for flowers in the months of May?
Who for you?

When my waking hours are filled with unrelenting nags, coscripted conversations, judgmental eyes and status reconciliatons. It is no wonder why my appropriate nights are spent in music that befittingly suffocates bedlams, cimmerian shades concealing all discerns and liquid love that rewrites your life. They say that those that seem the happiest on the outside are actually the saddest on the inside, and i could not agree more. It is baffling how i find myself in habitual laughter and cyclic chatter, when on the inside, I feel my heart failing bit by bit and beat by beat. However, in that picture above, I was happy, not because all was well but because all was forgotten, even it was for that 10 seconds.10 wonderful seconds.

like short films that captures the simplest of  moments and highlights the momentous meanings. like songs so immaculately composed, it becomes the soundtrack of your life. like hallmark quotes that illustrates everything in a line. like imperfectly captured polaroids which colours has runneth.like flushed cheeks and sweaty palms on a hot summers day. like a crashing wave, a laugh so big it becomes an unpleasant guffaw, a bear hug, a sensational kiss, a fresh new sheet of paper, a rollercoaster plunge, a hard book cover, a perfect delusion.

this is what you are like to me.