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| My dumpling party went quite well. Lots of my friends came out and it ended in a funny formal photo. It was a tame affair -- I concerned myself with security and the replenishing of forks, drank some and asked my friends if they wanted me to refill their plastic cups. The music was a big question mark, but that's because we threw together the playlist last minute. I wish I was able to spend more time chatting with my friends one-on-one, and also that I ate more dumplings (which were actually incredible, thanks to everyone). I only ended up wrapping two dumplings and eating six. To be honest, everything was kind of a blur. A super Asian blur.
My best friend arrived from Boston later in the evening. It was great to see her. Four others and I all took off quickly at 9pm -- I loved being able to ditch my own party mid-evening, and everyone took the cue to disperse. I ended up on the Upper East Side near York Ave, at my ex-boyfriend's best girl friend's boyfriend's place. Complicated, I know. Kind of crashed this board game party. When we got in, I was starving and heated up some of their ziti, which was delicious. They were in the midst of a Scattergories game and my friends disappeared to wrap gifts and set out pastries that they had brought to my party, recovered and brought to the second event.
They then moved into a Secret Santa which had amazing gifts - a sea monkey farm including a keychain to carry the critters, a funnel cake maker, cooked kimchee, ramen and pocky in an enormous bag, a jumbo universal remote, chocolate bacon, a book on plug-in electric vehicles, rare comics and others. No one appreciated the sea monkeys for what they were worth. "Pets? Pets?" From the sidelines, I encouraged more stealing.
We then morphed into a game of Ultimate Ninja, which I had always known as just Ninja. In my red dress I demonstrated, NINJA! and tried to slap hands in one swift Ninja move. It was really fun to jump around. Then it was time to pour champagne and watch Carson Daly on mute as the ball was dropping... while we all traded noisemakers.
One round of Celebrity commenced with impressions of Tiger Woods and Lady Gaga. Then everyone split up into Mahjohng, Settlers or Wii, none of which I felt all that inclined to do.
At 1am, I tramped back out into the sleet and ran into Marco. We exchanged New Year's Eve pleasantries and then I walked avenues back to the subway and Queens. It was remarkably quiet - the weather had calmed down - and the few in 2010 hats and sequins were on corners catching cabs. The townhouses were inviting and warm - the sidewalks had an icy sheen - I wasn't cold, despite the puddles seeping into my Uggs again. New York City. I loved it.
The trains came quickly - I watched groups of Korean celebrators ask white girls to take photos with them on the platform. Then I was back in Elmhurst, picking Aliza back up from Walgreens and then we tucked ourselves warmly into bed at a decent hour.
***
The Next Day (for posterity)
Aliza and I met Nina for brunch at Cafe Orlin, where I had these delectable, melt-in-your-mouth millet pancakes. We wandered to Housing Works bookstore, regretfully closed, then to the Angelika to contemplate a New Year's Day film. The timing wasn't going to work, so Aliza went to meet her parents and I settled into the Angelika cafe to read as much of my New York Times magazine on "The Lives They Lived" as possible. This is what I want to write -- these gorgeous tributes to famous and not-so-famous people. Essays of the greatest moments of their lives. I had my tea and then shlepped uptown to meet with Aliza and Jess in Hell's Kitchen at this Greek restaurant that was yummy... my yummy gyro and yogurt sauce, over rice. Baklava and tea. Then around the corner, to Second Stage Theater, to watch "Let Me Down Easy," a one-woman show by Anne Deavere Smith about health care in the U.S. and mortality. The whole thing was surprisingly funny and moving, and seemed to me an affirmation of journalistic methods. She portrayed her interviews with tens of patients, doctors, celebrities, clergy and everyday people by acting as them, verbatim, and skillfully used the stage, cameras and props. It seemed fitting that she was a tiny bit sick, blowing her nose into a handkerchief and coughing a bit throughout her monologues.
I love reconnecting with my high school girls. Aliza and I stayed up super late into the night giggling over Facebook and sipping various beverages. The morning after, we made multigrain oatmeal and ran in a freezing hurry to Forest Hills to catch Invictus, a film about South Africa just after apartheid ended, Nelson Mandela and lots of rugby. It was pretty good, though lacking a lot of character development. I'm so excited for World Cup in South Africa this year! Then we scarfed down pizza next door and we bid each other goodbye.
I napped for awhile to jazz and then headed out to meet T for Taiwanese food. They kicked us out of the restaurant after too long and then we went to this cold cafe down the street to continue our conversation on Star Trek and other things. It was freezing and my tea tasted somewhat like dishwater, but I still had a good time... then went home, cleaned the floor from the dumpling party and fell asleep.
***
I can't stop thinking about this Marine I met recently. What if he dies, in combat, in Afghanistan? To think I privately supported Obama sending an additional 30,000 troops, even though everyone around me is petitioning otherwise. Sigh. I am such an idiot. | | |
| caught in between christmas and new year's. for the first time since graduating from college, i'm forced to take a staycation for over two weeks, a "winter break," confined to my compound in elmhurst. if i had money i would be tanning on a beach and sipping something strong. i was even invited to a party in miami with leighton meester, gossip girl -- what better way to spend new year's eve? instead, i'm here, wearing uggs, wading through congestion and avoiding dark puddles of dirty snow.
i find new year's eve just another day. my memories of how i spent it only stretch back a few years, to happier times. over half a lifetime of NYEs were spent staying up till midnight watching dick clark age and viewing a glimmering ball descend on channel 11. all of a sudden it's become so important to celebrate it in the most special way possible. it really is about the people you spend it with, those you surround yourself with when it strikes midnight. the venue is not as critical.
i wish it was easy to decide how to spend the evening. i am even throwing my own dinner party, but it almost doesn't count because it'll end way before midnight. i am grateful for my friends who are coming, but somehow i think i might be alone when the hour approaches. it will be symbolic for the year ahead. i know that it's going to be a time of being single, focusing on growth as a person, challenging. this past year was rough, but 2010 threatens to be even more so.
one of my roommates threw an insane party christmas day at our house. all the youth of elmhurst came out, it seemed. we had a lot of cleanup and explaining to do the next day, but it was sort of fun to let loose with strangers. dance to reggaeton. attempt to samba.
i want to feel alive, again. | | |
| Highlight of the week: The Governor of New York showing up at my event. That showed me the power of the organization I work for. I have to say it was the triumph of all my years of event planning, regardless of what your views are on him. It was definitely a rush.
Lowlight of the week: My moodiness, which I think is related to my lack of consistent reliance on God. I find myself snacking on crap, avoiding exercise, and being close to tears. I don't think it's hormonal either. Rather, spiritual. The plunging of my spirits.
But for some reason I've gained the strength to stand stronger by my convictions, even about very controversial things like gay marriage and abortion. I think I've been able to surround myself with people who allow me to speak my mind without immediately condemning me if they don't agree with me, or if I hold an unpopular view. This is awesome. I really appreciate the safe space to develop my stances on things.
Tonight, I just need a hug... things have changed so much this year. Sometimes I just want the phone to ring. It doesn't happen often, but I know that it will, eventually. | | |
| My trainer spun around in his chair and told me that, should I not be a different person by the time this program was over, or if I did not make active decisions -- even active decisions to do nothing -- by the time we next met, he would be very disappointed. Or I would not be progressing as he hoped.
Up to now we have been taught to lead ourselves. There is a watchfulness as trainers pace, observing how we interact with each other, create rules, determine what lines exist and which can or cannot be crossed. We are to become the best that we can be, given our hand.
I am entering another phase. These past three months have been shocking at times, numbing or disabling. But I've also had moments of clarity.
Moments like -- I know I won't work for an organization or company that doesn't strive for real change. The daily work has got to be at times close to the ground, and yet have the reach and impact from high above. As much as I admire art and culture for the way it makes people aware of each other, live, think, share or shut out... I respect policy and recognize its power. Policy can immediately transform people's lives and make things easier or harder for a lot of people at once.
The training I'm undergoing can help people break into, or seriously consider fields one would never consider before. Labor! Politics. Government. The Man. The Anti-Man.
For me, new areas I'm quietly noting are immigration law, communications for government, campaign strategy.
Labor represents real power that keeps corporations in check. That's amazing to me.
These are just thoughts. Unformed, but beginning to form.
***
What's stressful? Not having that second brain I've come to rely on -- that significant other. The first three months of being single are never easy. Watching movies by myself helps. Eating with others helps. Isolating my own voice helps. Reading books helps. Decorating myself helps. Deleting helps.
So does the bad habit of locking myself in my room and listening to Death Cab for Cutie on end. CP used to find me in a depressed state atop my quilts absorbing emo set to soft electronic beats. He used to worry about me.
"little bird, little bird, little bird / well i've got one more question / and i'll swear i'll let it rest" -- imogen heap | | |
| taking a toll on my body. i feel like bridget jones. my fellow campaign staffers commented on my thighs, hips and belly today. it's that fried chicken! jamaican meat patties, cheese pizza for lunch and dinner, dozens of glazed donuts.
i'm in southeast queens -- st. albans, the "harlem of queens" -- campaigning for the labor union DC 37 to get billy thompson elected as the next mayor. it's been great bonding with the ladies, the african-american retirees who reliably show up every day for eight hours to make phone calls and leaflet. today, a guy came into the office trying to sell us stolen meat out of the back of his truck. he wore an apron and another counted money. they tried to sell us oxtails, pigs' feet and fresh steaks for $4 each instead of $12. we admired the bones, but didn't buy any thanks to miss maylene, one of our ladies who used to work in a butchery shop and could identify the freshness of meat and when and where it was packaged.
"i can't deal with you," she solemnly told the young men. they jumped in the back of the truck and sped away.
we daydreamed aloud about steak till it was time to head home.
it's a rare opportunity for me to spend days and hours steeped in a neighborhood of queens that i would never have known about. a neighborhood where louis armstrong and billie holiday supposedly lived, in the big houses up the block. a 20-minute bus ride from the end of the E train. where gang initiations still occur, men waiting at bus stops with tears tattooed beneath an eye. where it's about the democratic club, the NAACP and the reverend. where everyone recognizes someone on the computerized phone list.
***
i feel myself prioritizing career over everything else in my life. it was a pact i made with myself, i'm not quite sure when. i do still see the need for balance, for sanity, for space and the breathing that i value so much.
after the mayoral election, my colleagues and i are hitting the hamptons for a couple of days to recharge and reconnect. it's going to be awesome. cooking meals for each other, grocery shopping, having deep, earth-shattering discussions. i've come to expect that now--to be challenged and to test one other. but to encourage, as well. | | |
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