Well what a spin on life....

I've done things that I've enjoyed, but feel guilty after. Part of me wants to tear them apart, but I care for the happiness. Atleast it's known that I'm always there, if my company or affection is wanted.

This weekend at the wedding I found out I'm betroved. Don't know what to say about that.

Kinda lost over all...atleast in the future aspect of life. Don't know where my degree is going for me, and I don't know if my degree is what I want. Ugggg....

So you can think about that....let me know your thoughts.

Getting over this deadly cold. Instead of blowing out a lung I'm coughing up one. Atleast the worst of it is over.

A new week starts tomorrow, and I start to figure out my Degree. I'll be heading over to Spear to see what I can get away with to finish up this year. My Theater degree will have to wait as many of the classes I need for it are only in the fall or even spring years. Kinda shitty. I might beable to get a few things done this coming semester, but all in all I have atleast 5 courses I can't get done by the end like I thought I could. I think my biggest fear about not having a set career is that once my schooling is up so is my health care. I can't afford that at this point in life. Which means I need to find a full time, full coverage job by the end of may. Think a high school will higher me?? I guess we will soon find out what I have available.

The more time goes by the more I realize I'm at peace with a part of my life. It's a nice feeling to have. No more tears of pain, wanting, missing, needing, hoping. Just memories. You know there is closure when the tears of "pain" have faded, and the memories make you smile. Life is a learning experience. Unfortunately you'll get those F's which you aren't ready for. But once you come to terms and accept that F, you can handle that much more. Ofcourse, like school there are many subjects or aspects of life. Sadly there will be alot of F's when you aren't ready for them. Then you learn and continue on. Those F's help you find the A's.

Ok I'm done with my advice of the night.

Oh and for those who don't know.....
THE RED SOX CRUSHED THE YANKEES TWO GAMES IN A ROW!!!

I'm lost in life. What to do with it when this is all over. A part of me wants to continue, to finish traveling this path I started; where as another part of me wants to get to the end of this journey and start another, no matter if it a part of the origional path or if it is a completely new path that I found.
And if that just made sense to any one but myself...I'll be shocked.

Other than the fact I'm not sure where I'm going in life, things are ok. I've stopped wondering about what someone is doing or if they even want to do something with me. I've left the offer open and if someone takes it then great, but I'm not holding my breath any more for it. Once again I'm becoming comfortable with being alone. I'm finding my "center", working out, and being strong.

There is my update for the time, can't say it was any thing entertaining but I'm still alive.

Well, another week, another day. Closure has been given. I know the things I needed to know and a weight has been lifted off of me.

Any ways, this weekend was good. The great north is still peaceful and joyous. I saw the many friends that I have missed, while some are still missing and I have yet to see (damn lazy asses). Lot's of drinking made for an interesting time. My sandals are broken beyond all repair and need to buy new ones...:( my poor Nashua sandals. I found out when you are drunk you think you can go up slides as easily as you can when you are sober. I kept trying cause it was that amusing. Sending empty bottles down the slide was fun too. It is only amusing when you are drunk, as I can't imagin it being that funny right now. The memories are great though! That is still worth laughing about. I'm sure I did more than I'm remebering, actually I know there is something missing. Not quite sure where I was going when I was carried in, but I think it was for another drink. All in fun though, and I know I was safe with the people I was around.

It's amazing how one thing will help bring you peace that you have been searching for. Remember, if something is eating you up that much inside, stop wondering and just find out the answer. Now accepting the fact is different. It doesn't eat you away while you think about it. Some times it works other times you still need to find the answers.

As the time moves on I've realized more about myself and those around me. It's a good feeling knowing what you need and want to be happy with yourself. It's alot easier to walk around with your head held high.

Now that I'm done with my advice about life, I'm going to listen to an amazing voice that I drool over every time and haven't heard in almost a year. And then I'm going to proceed to die....my fucking back.

Well, it's been a while since I last wrote any thing. Mostly due to the crazy summer, or non existant summer. My highlights:

Let's start with losing a dear friend before leaving Plymouth
Next losing my baby.
Then the joys of grumpy parents every day of the week in the line of work I do.
Was used and made to feel worthless

Other than that, I woke up, went to work, came home, had dinner and went to bed. Rinse and Repeat.

And now I'm back here in Plymouth, for what appears to be my last year. I need to fight for my ability to student teach within the next 9 days and get approved for student teaching. All in all I don't want to be here but I do. I like the apartment life here, a huge 2 person apartment is so nice. The boys are upstairs and entertainment is not hard to come by. I can scream out my window to Casey and possibly play 4 way Halo. I might be Master Carpenter for my AP this semester, but then again I don't know.
I got an apology today. It was nice to hear that he realized how much of a dick he was.

Can't say there is much else to my life. No love, only dreams. No future at the moment, only hope.

Ahh well, Where's the exit??