new entry time,

  I feel really bad for being impatient with my students lately.  Sigh...I wish I were more patient.  I really do like them a lot, but perhaps that's why I get hurt when I don't think they respect me.  I'm realizing that my tone can be kind of condescending at times.  I don't do it on purpose, but I know I get frustrated when I have to explain something that I've just explained a few seconds ago.  The key is that I have to realize that everyone learns in a different way.  I can't assume that it should be obvious to my students even if it's plain as day to me.  Yeah...I should know that by now, but I'm SLOWER these days!  Sigh...I hope the damage is not irreversible.  One more week to go...

  Interview at Davis this thursday.  I'm not sure what to think of it.  Not even sure if I should go even if I get in..so much to do at church, my friends and family here, perhaps God wants me to teach another year, I may have to transfer to irvine next year (that's not very nice to the professor).  Well, I really shouldn't worry about that until I know if I get in or not. 

   So much to do!  Need to move out in 2 weeks, need to grade a mountain of papers, write a final, study for the interview, prepare for the hawaii trip...all I want now is a good nap!  Sleep makes everything seem a little less daunting:P. 

hrm..guess it's about time I updated:)  Went to monterey last weekend w/jen, victor huang, and pat tang.  It was fun!  Though I think we maybe too boring for jen;).  Think the horseback riding part was the highlight.  We rode along the beach and saw a dead whale and his live friends off shore.  My horse was a bit lazy, but she wasn't too bad.  Victor's horse was spunky.  Jen's too nice to tell her horse what to do, but her horse seems sweet.  Think Pat's horse mainly stayed out of trouble:].  I'll put some pics on as soon as I'm not so lazy:P
  Think I've been kinda tired and less gracious lately.  There could be many reasons why:P.  Trying to get through the rest of the school year like the rest of my school.
  That's about it...need to spend more time with God.  Think my weakness is really discipline.  There something about discipline that's deemed old fashioned now days.  People should do what they feel like, and not be someone they're not.  To a certain degree, that is true, but on the other hand, it could lead to disaster.  Hope God teaches me in a nice way...:]

Reading victor's xanga really moved me...in a way, I admire his wretched state because of his realization of sin.  In a way, we all have to understand our wretchedness before we can understand the extent of His grace.  I think too often we fight with all of our might and soul to escape any sort of pain or guilt associated with our sin.  We put on a happy face and secretly abhor those who remind us of our depraved state. 

"If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives." 1 Jn 1:9. 

   I believe that in our efforts as a Christian to live in truth, and with the belief that the truth shall set us free, we must come to an understanding of ourselves.  God is concerned with inward matters, not outward matters.  So, how can we love Him and glorify Him if we do not know our motives? 
"The sacrifices of God are ^[1] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise."  The word contrite means:  grieving and penitent for sin or shortcoming.  Only when we understand and are grieving at the state of our brokeness can God really work through us.  Or else we'd just be lying to God and ourselves.  
  I'm having to face the enormity of the sins that I have committed.  Sometimes I don't think I can live with myself.  Then in my sin and brokeness, I feel utterly helpless and unable to take care of not only myself, but those loved ones around me.  I frantically try to mend myself of this gaping wound...but I'm left bleeding and helpless.  The sins of those around me also haunt me.  It's then that I am forced to come before the brutal, bloodied, cross of Christ.  NOW I truely see why He had to endure the torment that He did.  We think it a surprise that He'd understand where we're coming from, when His purpose for coming to earth is to redeem us form the horrors of ourselves.  Now I can rest and trust that He has carried my load, and that I can walk again...till the next time...

One of my favorite psalms: Psalm 40  http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?passage=PS+40&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on 1 I waited patiently for the LORD ; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.   11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD ; may your love and your truth always protect me. 12 For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. 13 Be pleased, O LORD , to save me; O LORD , come quickly to help me.        Sometimes, life can be like miry clay...dirty, messy, confusing.  I love the image of how God can lift us up and give us a firm place to stand.  When all else fails, God will never fail.       King David's honesty and understanding about his sinful nature comes through in the second section.  However, his hope in God and the belief that God is PLEASED to save him is also evident.  How often do we remember that God wants to forgive and save us?  I know I forget.     Think King David is one of my role models.  I love his understanding of himself, his own motives and God's nature.  I'm encouraged by his faith and trusting love towards God.  His honesty about his feelings and frustrations towards God and situations is also freeing.     Verse of the week: Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.  Joshua 1:9

Have a good week!

Time for a new post.  Think my brain just blanks whenever I'm writing.  Let's see..what's been going on.  Going to see the lion king this sat w/family and a group of really close friends.  Though I've seen it in canada already, I'm looking forward to it.  I'm really glad that victor and pat  both get to go!  I'm really greatful for the group of close friends I have.  God gives us a few people in this life that truely care about and understand you (goes both ways of course).  Keep those friends!

Been spending time w/mom at home.  My mom's so cute.  Think she misses my dad...

Been sleeping pretty well lately!  Waking up refreshed.  I have a feeling it's because I've been taking niquil!  Am I addicted to it???  See how I sleep w/out it...

Sleepy....lates!