FADE TO BLACK

Colorless, Inferior, Deformity...I no longer have the knack

To take control of my hideous thoughts...Where do I go? ---Fade To Black.

Many thoughts become one, then many again...A multitude---I can't keep track

My understanding has taken leave of me...What can I do? ---Fade To Black.

My feelings aren't feelings I want to feel...They're twisted and shoved into a huge sack

The sack is ready to burst with horrendous pain...How can I ease the hurt? ---Fade To Black.

The tirades within my head say...That my skills are quite lack

In giving me the ability...To have the courage to ---Fade To Black.

I've got to show the voices...That I know how to get back

The minutest shred of sanity...What will I do? ---Fade To Black.

I'll wait here a little longer...I'll stay one step ahead, never giving any slack

I'll finally solve all my problems...Tonight, I will ---Fade To Black

--by:  Xierra Mankiller

Sacred Nightmare

Grueling, gruesome, vicious eyes--they have a torturous soul

Staring out from infinity...they'll devour my mind--it's their only goal.

They see with an evil bearing--there's no end to their devilish lusts.

I'm trying to fight for my sanity; It's an unending war--but, I must.

The eyes have taken a form--a form without recognition

Then, I glimpse once again to find truth, and the form disappears of the eyes own volition.

These are not a pair of eyes, they number in the thousands.

They ridicule, torture, deceive--and enjoy my journeys to the badlands.

They take me down these paths--of past aches I would rather forget.

What kind of sin did I commit to deserve such a high priced debt?

These roads that I've travelled, are always filled to capacity,

With the eyes biting at my heels of endurance, while they turn me toward the highway of senility.

They laugh, taunt and manage me; over and over their grip stays tight...

They refuse to listen to my method...they refuse to give up the fight.

They sometimes embody faces...but, I can't describe you--not one

It's more like the faces are misshapen--and they won't let me know what they've become.

The terms they speak are thunderous...the words too loud to heed

Yet, I comprehend each and every syllable...they've planted a carnivorous seed.

It sprouts and thrives upon--the loves that are dearest to my heart.

I squash it flat with all my might...and it always finds a new start.

Grueling, gruesome, vicious eyes--they have a torturous soul.

Staring out from infinity...they'll devour my mind--it's their only goal.

by:  Xierra Mankiller        July 10, 1995

The Weeping Willow

I see a tree posture honorably upon the land; its majestic size is overwhelming.

The impressive beauty we see outside--beguiles past pain suffered getting to this standing.

It holds within its clothing; all the scars it has received--

from all the things that have been done, by those who practice to deceive.

All the times it provided shelter, to anyone in need--

And then they'd turn against it--with all their hatred and greed. 

To crush the mighty branches; and bruise the tender leaves--

Seemed to make them feel superior, while it was left to hurt and grieve.

It kept trying to be better--just right-in the wind it would try to sway;

But, it was never enough, someone else always chose the way.

Through all of the agonizing torment; during all the repulsive years--

It's been able to hold its head up high--and been forced to hide all the fears.

It tries to keep the shell on, so the damage can't be seen.

It can't stand to live--it wants to die; there is no where in between.

It will stand strong and tall on the hilltop, wondering why it's survived so much.

And it will never understand the reason it lives--when it only knows dishonor from someone's touch.

---by Xierra Mankiller   October 2, 1995