after three years and more...

it hurts.

i know its all in my head, but i'm so hurt that for once my heart actually feels like its being squeezed, i can't breathe properly, and its getting harder and harder to pretend happy everyday.

Lord.

help.

please.

~*~

if you are reading this, then that means either you are still in hope that i will update or you are extremely bored.

i do advise you to not waste your time here, because as you can see, this is now quite useless.

much like the person who this belongs to.

but as a sweet farewell, here is the dear sonnet i have written for english class.

enjoy, and kindly avoid plagiarism.

thank you.

The Brave
by The Elias

even if in this world , afraid are we,
it will take merely two of those frightened
for both the heart and the mind to see
and fall in love, untimely enlightened.

you've captured the citadel of my being,
letting go of principles that were once mine.
and though the clock continues ticking
forget not our once upon a time.

you neglect the truth behind this face
at times when i seem untrue,
but my heart is yours, no matter the place
nor the time; it needs only you.

i'm sorry, i've changed, but my heart has not.
i'm sorry. i still love you ... quite a lot.

NOTHING

After a battle lasting many ages
The Devil won,
And he said to God:

"Lord,
We are about to witness the unmaking of Creation
By my hand.
I would not wish you
to think me cruel,
So i ask you, save three things
From this world before i destroy it.
Three things, and the rest will be
wiped away."

God thought for a little time.
And at last He said:

"No, there is nothing."

The Devil was surprised.
"Not even you, Lord?" he said.

And God answered:

"No. Not even me."

-from Memories of the World's End, Abarat II    

i wanted to write down something really mean about you just a few minutes ago .. but now i've changed my mind. haaaay. don't worry. its fucking mutual dear. fucking mutual.
i hate you too.

and just so you know, i was laughing when i was far outta your sight already. the thought of whatever it was that happened was too weird.
weird yes, but funny.

~*~

i've already got a plan on doing that, by the way.

grad pa nga lang xa.

but still, the point is, i have it in my head right now.

~*~

i've just recently remembered why i hate crying.

i look like shit afterwards.

there were a lot of things going through my head because i was trying to fix all the thoughts i wanted to type down here. but now i really don't want to go through all the trouble anymore. besides, they're all trivial unimportant stuff. malamang it'll all just be about me anyway. see? totally unimportant.

~*~

i want to cry so badly but i won't. i can't. i just don't do that kind of stuff.

my god. nahihirapan na talaga ako.