I open my eyes

Another spring upon me

You’re still on my mind

O hai!

After being offline and AWOL for over a month I can confidently say that der kleiner Piranhai is back. I never abandoned my challenge, and boy, oh boy, have I met some people. It has been the most unforgettable month, the most amazing time in which not even getting robbed blind within my first hour in Amsterdam and getting my heart shattered by the impossibility of my ever really being with Geoffrey  could bring me down. I’ve met hundreds of people, all of which gave me at least something. Some of them I only met briefly, but many stuck around and wrote multiple stories in my book. I went swimming, sailing, kayaking, running through sheets of rain, went to a festival in order to cozy up in a car, sold hugs for 20cent per pop, I surfed a bus and a hammock, dislocated my shoulder and ankle, waterskied (or failed miserably), ran into the one of my great loves – of whom I have not yet been brave enough to tell you – and had one of those movie scene reunions, stayed up all night in obscenely high heels,  I fought and launged with my sister, I kissed boys I never thought would notice me and intermingled with people I’d usually let slip under my radar.

I won’t tell you about them all, because I simply don’t have the time now, but there are stories which I will share and bring up as references as this past month has truly been a good time for me.

Alas, all good things do indeed come to an end and I’m once again back to my own Shawshank and my own redemption – only now my heart if full of sugar, spice and everything nice, and ready for the long and lonely period ahead of me with only the light at the end of the tunnel telling me there’s a sugar bowl waiting for me at the end of the exams I have right now – and clearly, I haven’t yet started studying for them, followed by the taxing German exams, the abandonment of my life here and going renegade with my sister.

I’ve changed and I’m hungry – ravenous, really – so my blog will probably change too, as in the following few months I will be building the biggest bonfire I’ve ever thrown my perpetual self in. 

Oh hi, sleep deprivation…didn’t see you there; I must have missed you – I was too busy trying to shoo my day out of my night.
I can’t though, every attempt is a futile one – self destruction is in my DNA, and it comes haunting me in the middle of the night with the sounds of doors sliding open furiously, phone dials and hushed voices. It’s the poignant absence of my dad’s car, my mother’s hysteric footsteps up and down the stairs, the sound of much-needed sleep running to the hills, away from the disturbia of my life…as if a plague is raging through my veins, as if the adrenaline pumping is the sound of apocalypse rising those lucky enough to have been rewarded with eternal slumber – whereas I can’t even get one night. It’s happening again, as if the first thousand times were entertaining and I asked for another run – I did not.
Considering my parents’ careers, it may be a little risqué to post this, but I’ve been exhausted, worn and torn beyond caring. I need someone to confide in, and as twilight bleeds through my lonesome windows, and the only two people I trust are beyond any form of reach, you are all I have.
Fuck trust and fuck caution, right now I feel like setting myself on fire.
The popcorn is free of charge, so have a fucking hoot.