A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
- Jerry Dennis I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
-Billy Connolly I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
-Eric Sykes When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.
--Jeff Shaw I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
--Tommy Cooper It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in.
--Tommy Cooper | 
