hotjock1124's Xanga

Friday, August 26, 2005

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 13:14:36 GMT

Went to work with my padre today and that was pretty cool. ummm boring but cool.....anyway havent gotten on this thing in a while just havent had the time but im sittin in front of a damn computer all today so wtf i misewell. anyway i guess ill see some of my old friends at the prkview homecoming that ought to be fun...couple more months until i go to sandiago.....i cant wait. ive been gettin back in shape from this summer. i really fell out of it ya know. i hate it when im not in shape but....im backk. haha. Things with amber are good were going to south beach before i go to sandiago......doncha just love chix wit the money....haha. but anyway.....hey i never knew how much it hurt when a chick fuckin gouges ur back out during sex god u dont notice until after in the shower when it f'in burns to hell. but anyway take it easy and ill be round.

bobby

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 02:32:47 GMT

wuts up world long time no see...been running a lot latley trying to get back into shape for school.....ahhhh like two weeks left so damn depressing....anyway just been chillin going to the pool a lot latley and getting together wit some friends.....god it feels good to party again....haha...... anyway.....other than that not much has been goin on.....uther than i made a new friend his name is jose.....i think yalll may have heard of him jose cuervo??? yeah hes cool....he makes me do bad things thow " not a good influence....but anyway take it easy and ill be around

bobby

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 19:52:57 GMT

well...wow thanx everyone for the support its so eye opening to see that people do care...thanx so much. its time to move on and try new things. we all do the best we can and sometimes its not good enough...but thats okay. i hope to meet many new people and make new relationships. my dad got in today from bein out of town for the past two weeks and it was so good to see him....i talked to him a while and we resolved some family issues that had been bothering me latley and things are gonna be great. im so happy. thanx everyone for bein there for me. u dont know how much this means. yall are great and thats even an understament...lol. im gonna start swimmin again and gettin back in shape again.....hopefully ill walk this year with a state ring on my finger...YEAH that would be awesome. bein a senior is so exciting. and 18 is and age that u just cant beat....the beggining of ur life u know....and the end of what uve always known....ur childhood. theres some people that i cant wait to get to know better and they know who they are.lol. so much is goin my way now for the first time in a while and im so happy. thanx yall much love...

Bobby

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 08:57:07 GMT

words wont describe my pain. but its over now. theres no way to work this out. ive tried with every inch of my being to get her back. but there lies no hope for us anymore and these tears free flowing are bound never to stop. but for her to be happy is all i wish and she will be. my pain is back from its three month vacation and its here to stay. to be alone is to be dead. and dead is my heart. why is it that all things miraculous must end??? all that brings joy ends in sorrow. what is left off my heart??? i have nothing else to offer anymore. fuck god....where are u when i need u....huh??? u take everything i charish. uve never been there for me. i need u now and where are u... laughing at me. im sick of this. take me now....why live a life of sorrow and pain....its all u pour down on me. build me up to throw me back down. the world is cold and is meant to be as so. why should i give love to others when no one loves me back huh??? no more. im over. its over. WHY WONT IT STOP HURTING. it wont. she'll move on and find someone new and better and ill be here....stuck. fine this is how its supposed to be. i always know. I ALWAYS KNOW. I TOLD U U WOULD LEAVE ME!!! why did i even try for u....u were to perfect. anything that would make me as happy as u did had to be ripped from my arms because fucking god forbid i be happy. its not meant to be. im a person that people taste and spit out. wheres my fucking try me sticker. huh. COME ON WORLD TRY ME OUT AND PUT ME BACK!!! its what im here for...i know that ive always known that. im just a puppet. puppets dont have feelings right. WELL GUESS WHAT.....IM A REAL BOY. I LOVE....I CRY....I SMILE.....and i even care. but who else does??? no more tears...no more tears

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 04:00:57 GMT

in light of today...i just want tell the world that i do love jennifer and that she is my best friend. from the day that my dumb ass trampled her because i couldnt walk strait i was so high lol to the time she jumped into my arms on the last day of school and i took her away and wouldnt let her go she has held a special place in my heart. there have been times that i have shared with her that will stay with me forever. ill never forget the face she made at prom when i was trying so hard to dance well for her. or the dance we shared where she finally decided that she loved me. "its so hard to type this with (ill be) in the back round...lol ive got her xanga up at the same time playin this and im ballin my eyes out right now". and the time that she sat in my lap at the movies with ron and anna and we cried together. but i think the moment that ill never forget was when we were in my bed and incomplete came on the radio. i couldnt control it i was so happy that finally i was in love that i just burst out in tears of joy. i couldnt stop.

DEAR JENN,

THANK U FOR THE TIMES WE SHARED TOGETHER. U MADE ME BE A BETTER PERSON . U BROUGHT A JOY IN MY LIFE THAT CAN NEVER LEAVE. JONATHAN WAS PRETTY OKAY TOO EVEN THOUGH HE HAD A TENDENCY TO LIKE TO BODY SLAM ME LOL. JUST KNOW THESE THINGS.... UR BEAUTIFUL AND DONT LET ANYONE TELL U OTHERWISE. U WERE NEVER FAT SO STOPTELLING URSELF U R. AND I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE KEPT IT "U KNOW WHAT I MEAN". UR A GREAT PERSON AND GOD GAVE ME A BLESSING WHEN HE SENT U TO ME. I DONT KNOW WHY JONATHAN TREATED U SO BADLY....UR AMAZING AND SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE A QUEEN, BUT I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY HE FOUGHT FOR U SO BADLY. BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING TO HURT U OKAY. I GUESS 5 MONTHS WAS A LONG SHOT HUH...BUT HEY IT WAS GREAT WHILE IT LASTED. I LOVE U AND I DID MY BEST FOR U. ULL ALWAYS HOLD A SPOT IN MY HEART...AND ILL SEE U WHEN SCHOOL STARTS GOODBYE SWEETHEART

BOBBY

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 01:44:41 GMT

wuzzup world just got back from bein out with the family and saw a lot of old faces. i cant believe how good it felt to see all my old friends. anyway im goin back over to spend the night with geno and were gonna go to a couple parties. im so excited im gonna get WASTED!!! lol anyway took my x mas pics today so here they are. be easy igotta eat im hungry!!!!

PEACE

>P.S.- LAGUNA BEACH ROCKS!!! k gotta watch old school on big screen with brad. love that movie

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 16:24:34 GMT

well.... i was at the gym today and i was thinking about a lot of things. I guess u could say that life has thrown me a few too many screwballs. i do my best to keep my head up but ive been let down too many times. i mean i never had a good family.....my dad left my my mom and i when i was two.... and my mom never did a good job to raise me....i dont feel any love from my dad and my mom would rather eat shit then talk to me. sometimes keeping my head up is harder then some people would think. What i would give to have a mom that loved and cared for me but i dont. and my dad is more like a stranger than a father to me. so i give my heart to people hoping that they dont throw it back in my face but time after time i get put down. what i would give to have one person in my life that i could love and would love me just the same. i dont care. about people that think i look good or look good themselves. i just want someone to hold and hold me back. to share smiles and tears. hard times and good work through things together. ive never had that even as a child i have never felt truly loved. i guess thats my problem when i have someone i feel so deep for them and i get scared to let them go because everyone ive ever known has walked out on me. i want someone to just stay. dont leave. but being so young i cant expect anyone to do that. i dont know....i just feel like i have some deadly disease because everyone walks out on me. its happened all my life. oh well i think i might just move again. i dunno. but igtg im goin out with my cousins right now, and i have to get ready. later yall

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 03:54:44 GMT

Well....i guess ill update again since im extrmely bored and have nothing else to do. i went to the gym today to star gettin buff again. lol. IM FRIGGIN TEENY NOW. FRIGGIN A. lol. and while i was there i ran into sean, jamie, ashley and chealsy and found out that HOLY SHIT their gonna be at pc when i go so i thats gonna be cool i might ride down with jamie and them. well after the gym jamie and i chilled a little and came home a lil while ago. tomorrow should be fun im goin over to chill with my cousins in my old are so ill be gone all day. i cant wait to see my old friends. its been forever since ive seen them. but anyway. ive decided since ive gotten so small that im gonna get a trainer again and start taking a certain supplement that helps u to gain muscle. i hate beein teeny....GAH!! i have to be ripped again. maybe i can just find some blow up muscles so i dont have to do anything that would make my life so much easier. anyway im friggin beat so im gonna hit the showers and lather myself with some soothing products.....hmmmmm wow can i sound any more homo sexual lol. well take it easy world and i think ill start talkin more often ive been slakin on my xanga a lot latley. i was really upset earlier so i deleted my old xanga so i really need to work on this one but its a start heh. gah i need to get someone to help me though im a friggin idiot when it comes to this. but igtg. ps thanx tay for helpin me out earlier UR THA BEST!!!!. MUCH LOVE TO EVERYONE

BOBBY.....lol

Monday, July 11, 2005

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 18:05:50 GMT

well i think that ive lost her. i tried to keep her but what can i do when she doesnt love u anymore. ive done all i could and it wasnt enought to satisfy. i would give the world to have her back but im not going to worry about it anymore. i talked to her and she didnt eve shed a tear when i was on the other line with niagra fall bursting through my eyes. i loved her and still do but its over and i can tell she doesnt want me back. i wish this was just a dream but its not....so im going to let her go its over....im over

Monday, July 11, 2005

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 17:11:26 GMT