| I should be sleeping. But ..I have a bad case of insomnia. What's new.
This past week has been so emotionally draining. I have never cried so hard in my life. My dog passed away. She was hit by a car. A stinkin car out of all things. She never had any interest to leave the yard or any desire to wander down near the road, so I'm not sure why or how or what or when or who. All I know is I am completely heart broken over this. That dog was such a huge part of my world for so many years ..she meant everything to me ..I had such a special bond with her ..far beyond anything I've ever had with another pet. I just have this permanent aching in my chest and an emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I'm at the point in my grieving where I'm somehow blaming myself for what happened ..I find myself apologizing to her in my thoughts several times through out the day ..as if I could have somehow stopped it from happening. Gosh. I want this feeling to go away. I want to be able to think about her without my eyes filling up with tears ..and instead ..smile about all the good memories. I feel like I'm taking this way too hard ..I don't know if it's normal ..but she was more than just another pet ..she was a member of our family ..a furry, smelly version of my best friend. I just wanna hug and kiss her one last time.
I'm gonna miss pulling up to my parent's house and watching her come running across the yard howling at the top of her lungs and jumping around on her little legs before I could even get my car door open. I love you, baby girl. They'll take good care of you up there.
Anyway, as far as everything else goes ..man, I am so blessed. Just when I need it the most, God has sent me an abundance of love and support. I love my friends so much and I can never appreciate them enough. Thank you for everything, guys. I have had so much reassurance this past week and it just makes my heart feel a thousand times lighter. I'm hopeful for what's next.
And speaking of what's next ... SUMMER 08 BAYBEE!!!!! I have no doubt this summer is going to be one for the books. There's already lots of plans in the works and I wanna pee my pants just thinking about it!!! I only have a couple weeks of classes left and then I am free as can be and ready for some hardcore ..good friends ..good times ..hardcore ..stage dives ..high fives.
It's thundering outside right now. My dog hated thunderstorms. She would hide under my legs. Oh, I just want her to come back. We buried her in a very peaceful spot ..in my parent's backyard ..under a tree ..overlooking the pond. Just like she would have liked it.
Speaking of my parent's ..my lease at my apartment is up at the end of May ..and I will be moving back in with them for awhile ..until I figure out another living arrangement. And it'll be good to save money and not worry about rent for awhile. But please ........pray I get along with my family. It's gonna be hard to adjust living with them again. I'm gonna miss my apartment so stinkin much! And having my own bathroom. And jumping around to piss off the party-poopers underneath us. And being able to act like a badass for living in the ghetto of Joplin. Just kidding about the last one.
One the last night before we move out, my roommate and I wanna throw a party and be as loud as possible through all hours of the night just to get back at the people underneath us who have turned us in for numerous, ridiculous, made-up things and who have banged on our celing on many different occasions. I'm pumped. I hope they appreciate our sweet sweet goodbye.
I'm tired. I probably didn't say much that I intended to say. But whatever. Start using xanga again so I can read about your life. You know you miss it. Love you.
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