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SLOW DANCE II
I stood at the doorway watching her give her good-byes to people in her unit. Before she stepped out of the room she stood next to me and said, "Come on. I have to give you something, right?" I followed her out and we found ourselves out in the hallway.
Her: "So can you leave, or do you have to stay around?"
Me: "Yeah I got to stay and whatever..."
Her: "Yeah... well I can give the notebook to you now or... oh no, but you'd be carrying it and..."
Me: "No, it's okay! I can just take it."
Her: "Well I can give it to you later, but... I don't think I want to come all the way back here. Just come walk with me, and we can drop it off in your office."
Me: "OK."
When we arrived at my office I punched in the code to open the door and slid the door stop under to hold it open. She pulled out our black notebook and handed it to me. "Well... I guess I'll see you around," she said. "I'll see you around I guess," I replied.
As she walked out I peeked into the hall to find that her back wasn't turned towards me. She kept looking back at me and then slowed down to a stop. We kept smiling at each other waiting for me to make the next move.
I raised my right hand and signaled her to come. She walked towards me and I stepped back into my office to give us a bit more privacy in case someone was walking in the hall. I stretched out both arms, and she found her way into them for a few seconds.
After she left I took a quick glance at the notebook before heading back. The opening paragraphed read: So after I left you and went back to the library, it took all my will power not to just run back to see you again. You're right about the whole missing thing... never enough time. -
ARTICULATED HOPE
I want to write about the people, places, and things that bring happiness into my life, but I can't. It would be like telling the world a wish that I had made thus preventing it from coming true. -
JENNIFER CHUNG & JOHNNY YANG - "YOU WON"
I started crying listening to the lyrics. -
SLOW DANCE
After making my way through the stacks at the Chemistry and Chemical Engineering Library, I scanned the desks throughout the open area for a girl in a navy Cal hooded sweater. I didn't have my glasses on, but I could feel the many pairs of eyes watching me from my right--wondering what I was doing--and then, during my third pass, she came into view. She sat with her legs crossed Indian style in her chair, hood over her head with hair flying out, and leaned over her books and notebook computer. What a freaking nerd! I thought. So adorable...
I told her thirty (30) minutes earlier online that I thought she looked cute today when she dropped off our notebook earlier that afternoon. She responded, "OMG whatever!" mentioning how sweaty she was, but I told her to face it--that I'll think she's pretty no matter what--even if she had messed up hair, a runny nose, panda eyes, bags, sweat, and not having left the bed for a week. "You say that now, but just wait until it actually happens!" she warned. We laughed, and she told me I make her smile. I told her she makes me smile too.
--
I couldn't stop glancing at her when I first saw her last year. She never spoke a word, never looked at me, but there was something about her that got me curious. It took me a while to find out her name, and even longer just to build up the courage to say "Hi. How's it going?" but the conversations never lasted more than a few lines. Nerves would always get the best of me and I would walk quickly away from her pretending I was busy. Things would continue this way until two (2) weeks ago when I instant messaged her on Facebook.
We must've talked for six (6) hours that night. What surprised us both was that we were honest with each other--even if it killed us to admit something. It turns out that she thought I was cute as well, and always wanted to talk to me. By the end of our conversation we knew that there was a deep connection between us, but during the following week everything moved too fast forcing us to focus on more pressing issues in our own lives before looking back at each other. We wanted to just be friends who, oddly, really like each other.
--
"What are you doing here?!" she asked as I sat down across from her--placing my things in the chair on my left. I pretended not to hear her, and glanced through the notebook we wrote in to each other. "Go Home! You have to eat! You're going to get hungry!" she urged, but I smiled--continuing my silence--and put our notebook into my backpack. People on both sides of us looked up to see what was going on. She hid behind her reader and notebook computer for a few moments before peeking over at me.
"Eww you're all sweaty... I told you that you'd suffer if you walked across campus," she joked. "I know," I responded, "Man it's hot. I was walking up hill too!" I took out the king size pack of peanut M&M's from my backpack and placed it on the table--pushing it towards her. "No! We're suppose to eat this together, remember?" she argued. "I know," I said, "but you need it more than me." She picked up the pack of M&M's, and threw it at my head. Oh ((BEEP))! I thought as I snatched it from the air.
As I picked up my things to head out, she mumbled, "Another missed hug opportunity..." I walked around the table towards her only to find her staring at her screen ignoring me, so I placed the M&M's next to her notebook, and rushed towards the door. "Wait," she yelled--struggling to get out of her chair--but I sped up with a smile on my face. She ran across the library to catch up to me--clinging on and fiddling with my backpack to get the M&M's inside. We soon found ourselves in the space between the two main double doors next to the elevators.
"So what are you going to do later?" she asked, " Gonna go run?" I nodded, "Eh, probably. Eat. Run. Go online." She came up to me sliding her arms underneath mine, and wrapped them around me. I rested my right cheek onto her head holding her tight--not wanting to let go. We said our see-you-laters and I left--walking back home. We're such weirdos... I thought. We both know that we'd be more than friends if given the chance, but sometimes life isn't that simple. I often wonder where life will lead us. -
CASUAL FRIDAY
I love Casual Fridays! -
LA PILULE ROUGE
For the past few days I've been having these out-of-body experiences--watching myself living life through habit as if I was riding in phantasmal comfort on a carousel. I see my friends and family waiting in line to join me on the ride, but the carousel operator will not allow them--or is it because I don't want the ride to end? I call out to her, but there is no response. Instead she smiles at me, and my heart melts as I rest my cheek on the brass pole. Sounds from the music box accompanies my good mood, and the world keeps spinning in a blur.
Last night I found myself laying in bed--paralyzed in a gaze. It had been twelve (12) hours since I took the red pill, and I was already feeling deep regret as I waited for its full effect to kick in within the next thirty-six (36) hours. My life involving her projected before my eyes. I struggled to breathe--not for me, but for her--because I know the words that I had sent will pierce into her chest like bullets. Though my mind is ready to embrace the truth, my heart whispers... Pourquoi, mais pourquoi j'ai pas pris la pilule bleue? -
NATHALY
The best work-study ever! -
SHE IS SO SWEET TO ME
[Phone rings.]
Me: [Picks up the receiver and answers.] ((BEEP)) ((BEEP)). This is ((BEEP)).
PCF: Hey ((BEEP))! This is ((BEEP)). How are you doing?
Me: I'm... fine, and yourself?
PCF: Good! Hey... you know those readers you have in your office?
Me: Yeah. What about them?
[I look up to glance at the readers and found her standing at the door. My eyes widen as I watch her smiling at me.]
PCF: ...Volume II. Can you check it for me?
Me: [Distracted.] Huh? Volume II? Oh... right...
[She walks towards me, places a small cup of ice cream with a spoon on my desk, and walks away with her roommate while waving "good-bye." My cheeks turn warm.]
PCF: ...but I don't want to go all the way home, right?
Me: [Smiling.] Yeah... Let me check! [Walks over to check for Volume II on the shelf.] Hello?
PCF: Yes?
Me: I have it right here.
PCF: Oh good! I'll come around to pick it up. See you soon!
Me: Alright [Hangs up.]
Pulse
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Overcast is beautiful. The cool air makes me feel warm inside.
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Great... I can't find my Cal 1 Card. Now I have to pay $25 for a replacement!
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The best things in life aren't things.
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