| so yea......
i feel really sensitive lately....little things seem to bother me, more than usual....
especailly this one thing that happened at celia's house....
like, "the usuals" were all over at celia's house having a LAN and drinks... and most of us were drunk off our asses...Jeremiah being the main one...then i think Cody...lol....and like most of us were sitting in the living room...and all of a sudden Brenda and Beth wanted to see some porn, so Brenda was all like, "Cody, show us your porn!!!" and i'm like WTF????
at first Cody's all like, "naw man..." then he gives in, and shares his documents with them...i'm like o hell no, so i left the room and went to where celia and josh were, cause they dont like that shit, well, at least celia doesnt.........and its like, i felt totally uncomfortable...i hate porn, never seen one, and i really dont care ....it just made me mad cause Cody still has all that shit...
and when he has all that stuff still...it makes me feel like shit, like am i not good enough to the point where u still need that shit? and if he says" well, its not like i watch it still...", then i'm gunna say, "well then get rid of it!" ya know!????
am i that ugly? do i not turn you on? i mean, those are the things that go through my head sometimes....ya know?
i dunno, maybe i'm taking things a little too far, but i gotta say whats on my mind, and as most of you know, you know that when somethings on my mind, i aint afraid to speak up.....
i love Cody to death, dont get me wrong, i dont really want thins to become some sort of arguement, b/c i'm not trying to take it that far, ya know? but its like....sheesh....
i would never want to hurt anyone....but if you go to far, i will "help" you go back to your starting point! lol
well i guess thats it for me now...
tell me what u all think....
<3 always...-kristina
::EDIT::
So yea…been doing some thinking….and no offense…to what I said earlier…or w/e…and I still appreciate the remarks and stuff, and the advice you guys give me…but its like…I think I know my thing, ya know….
I’ve been really down lately, and I haven’t really told anyone this, not anyone. I don’t know why I’m willing to spill it out here….i guess I’m just weird like that….but yeah…
New problem…..
Every thought that i’ve had so far, is always revolving around people thinking that I’m not here for them anymore….and that I’m always busy n stuff, when actually I’m not. Yes I do work, that’s life…quit bitchin’, but then after I work, I always have time to do w.e…..but do I get a call? No….no one really wants to do anything, yet they can sit around and bitch about me not having time, but ya know what? Do they call me when they want to do something? No….they automatically assume that I’m busy or something, or I’m with Cody. Excuse me, but there are times where Cody is doing his own thing, and I aint got shit else planned….i swear ppl only call me when I’m with someone, like Cody or my Cousin Amanda, but when I’m free, they don’t call, they don’t wanna chill, they don’t wanna do shit.
For the longest time, my bestfriend, and I always did stuff together, even when I had a boyfriend, or if she had a bf, we never lost that touch, cause no one could come in between us like that…until she got with this one boy…then all things changed between us….that was like the worst thing that could ever happen…..
I was left alone, and yes I hung out with ppl that I knew I shouldn’t have, but I guess you just need something to get by, right? So yes, I admit, I ignored her in return, hooked up with some guy, made it look like I was just as busy as her, just so I could hide my jealousy and everything, and that was totally wrong of me. I’ve learned from my mistakes though. Never again will I do something like that.
A lot of ppl would come up to me and ask me what was going on, and I just shrugged my shoulders and didn’t say anything, when I knew damned well that I needed to get all that shit out.
It’s really funny how the pages flip, once you’ve found someone you love….for me….i’ve only had 2 people that I could truly say that I’ve loved…my first…Tony…whats done is done with that…..sorry to say, but I know now that I’m over it. And although he’s gone, he’ll never be forgotten….and my second….Cody. other than the first, he is the only guy that has showed me that he cares about whatever I do, and that he loves me with all his heart. He’s treated me really good, like no other…I love him.
to be honest I never thought I could ever love again….until he came around. At first I really couldn’t see us being together, b/c we were just friends, and he was my fellow Mexican for crying out loud!!! Lol I loved him for that. But now I love him even more, more that words could even describe….he truly is my best friend now….prolly the only one…
I’ve been done wrong by so many ppl, who called themselves my “friends”…never again will I fall for that shit. I’m done.
Yes I know I’m with Cody, more that other people would like me to be, but that’s my decision…my choice, that’s they way I roll!!!! Lol
But I mean, if you all wanna chill just call me, despite if u know I’m with them or w.e. don’t assume anything…I just might be free….  ya never know guys.
School’s about to start up again, so I know we’ll have a hell of a lot more time to hang out, but for the time being, please don’t get mad if I’m with Cody, and don’t try and put it all on him, cause it’s not his fault, I’m gunna wanna be with him more, b/c when school starts I wont be able to see him as much…plus he works like crazy…then he’ll be starting college…..and yes…..i’ll be lonely…but I aint trying to think about all that right now lol, lets just save that for the future! Haha..
but yes, feel free to comment or w.e. I still want ur advice, if u have any to give,., it’s all good.
But I guess I’m done for the most part….
get at me people!!!!
the one n only, -k-
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