OIC
OIC stands for "only in China". Though not hard to come by, OIC moments never fail to surprise, amuse, and entertain. My most recent OIC moment was when I was going on an escalator, trying to get out of a marble-floored, clean, modern and sparkling-new subway station, when I spotted two Xinjiang men in front of me, each carrying what appeared to be a big stack of illegal animal fur.
Of course, there are other OIC moments that are of the everyday, all-over-the place variety, like street signs or store signs. In Grandview Plaza, allegedly the biggest shopping mall in Asia, a sign for a ladies retail clothing store proudly reads, "Sheman"; a tire company that I pass by daily on my way to work says, "Kum Ho"; the food court in the basement of Citic Plaza, the landmark and tallest building in Guangzhou, is called "BM Street" (how the food just sounds that much more appetizing when you are reminded of Bowel Movements).
Interactions with local Chinese people produce plenty of OIC moments, too.
Stores and restaurants have troops of staff that tend to specific, highly divided, mini-tasks. In bookstores, the person who takes your cash is different from the person who ties your purchase together with a rope. If you want a plastic bag to hold your books, it's a third person's job to hand that bag to you. In restaurants, you always see staff and customers at a 6 to 1 ratio, at least, and not uncommonly, there are also signs at the door trying to hire more people. When you dine, a person would take your order. A second person would then bus your order to your table, but he/she waits until a third person comes to put the dishes onto your table. Then, your drinks are brought over by a fourth person, and a fifth person pours it out for you. If you order beer, you need to find the sixth person, who's one and only job is to carry around a bottle-opener around the restaurant and open beer bottles for customers.
While inefficient, you are both amused at the genius and sad about the situation that this is one effective way to ensure that as many people have jobs as possible, for a nation that needs to feed 13 billion.
Realizing that, you still cannot help but be frustrated when you encounter seriously undertrained service people.
One time, I went to a bar with friends and ran into a classic OIC moment. On the menu, it said that a gin and tonic was 35 kuai (about $4.50). On the menu it also said that the place had red bull. My friend called over the waitress, and asked for a gin and red bull. The waitress tilted her head slightly as if puzzled, and said she would check with the bartender. 5 minutes later, she returned and told us that for them to switch tonic for red bull would require complicated extra work, therefore they would have to charge us 25 Kuai extra. My friend promptly asked for a gin, and bought red bull from the 7-11 next door for 4 Kuai.
Then, another friend in the party asked for Bailey's in her coffee. The waitress went to ask the bartender again. 10 minutes later, when my friend was just about getting ready to go buy instant coffee from the same 7-11 next door, the waitress returned.
"Sorry, we cannot do that for you," she announced. "The bartender said it won't taste good."
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But as much as I seem to make fun of China, the 15 months I have been here have really rubbed off on me. I'm an expat that firmly believe that if you only complain, criticize, or disparage your city of residence, you are taking for granted what it has to offer in return. While it is inconvenient, or sometimes impossible, to get goods and services I am used to, China undeniably offers other fabulous things that I can only humbly appreciate.
Like,
Where else in this world would you find willing souls to deliver your dinner for 4 Kuai (50 cents), at 10:30 pm?
Only in China.
Where else in this world would you be able to afford maids for 10 Kuai an hour?
Only in China.
Where else can you treat yourself to massages, facials, and manicures for 1/800 of your monthly paycheck per treatment?
Only in China.
Where else in the world would you be able to sample just about eighteen million different kinds of fruits, vegetables, and other produce?
Only in China.
And to have the above mentioned fruits and vegetables delivered to your house weekly at no extra charge (and comes with a free smile), even if you are only buying 4 apples and 3 oranges?
Only in China.
Where else in the world would you be residing in the "middle kingdom", and be able to backpack most southeast Asian countries on a $200 US return plane ticket?
Only in China.
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Where else would you be able to trek rice-paddies in the morning, and sip coffee while eating your freshly baked apple crumble that afternoon?
Where else would you be exposed to 18 different dialects of Chinese, and learn about their different cultures and customs?
Where else would you be SO grateful of what you have, looking at what other people do not?
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And where, on earth, would you find another place that, when you see that "Made in China" stamp at the bottom of your new purchase, you feel, well, just at home  .
There is something about OIC, I tell ya.
I haven't left it, but I'm already missing it.
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Lifetime
