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hyperactive_geena
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Name: Ruthie
Birthday: 2/22/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: GOD. people. photography. music. photoshop. introspection. people-watching. growing up. raising children. cell phones. playing in the rain. running in the rain. daydreaming. dogs and cats. colors. light. reading. listening to people.
Expertise: photography. sketching. thinking. being selfish. untying knots. tying knots. being jealous. self-portrait photography.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Photography, Graphic Design
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  thatcrazyruthie
Member Since:
8/9/2005
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| recurring thoughts among the myriads...i think it would be impossible to actually list all the things that have been and are and will be changing inside and outside of me. i can't wrap my mind around the sheer volume of changes that will all be crammed into the next two and a half months...and continue for many months after that. it's exhausting to try. and i've been exhausting myself with the trying :).
the concept of *life* in Christ has been on my mind, deeply and powerfully affecting me, nonstop for the past year. the seemingly simple concept that when i became a believer (or began to live with the purposeful intention of living not under myself or anyone else, but God), i was given life. that, somehow, life without God is death, and life with God is LIFE, more abundantly. i can't really express all that has changed within me towards God, and towards living, and towards others around me living with and without God...just through His somehow showing me all of life through the lens of my ever-deepening understanding and conceptualizing this true LIFE i've been given. i feel like all the deepest, most fearful parts of my innermost being have been dragged into a stark spotlight, turned upside down and inside out, and shoved back in...all twisted and re-worked and changed into almost unidentifiable shapes that feel cold and foreign back in their places in the deepest most sensitive parts of my soul. and they look like a mess most of them. shapeless, dark, clammy, and cold. and i don't really have time to inspect them. it's like, God knows i don't have time to inspect what He's been changing in me, so He's doing all kinds of things because He knows i don't have time to come check and see how He's doing, fixing me up in there. i don't have time to even protest anything He's doing in there. but i just know, somehow, that when some of this craziness in my life calms down, i'll finally have time to check out His fix-up job. and that soon, these deep parts of me that feel dark, foreign, shapeless and cold have actually been changed into something beautiful. and the crazy nothingness and unidentifiableness inside of me will eventually begin to take identifiable shape again.
i did, however, have time to do some research on the original meaning of the word that gets translated "life" in verses like "in Him was life, and that life was the Light of men," and "now this is eternal life, that they may know You, the one true God..." in the original Greek, i guess, there are two words that get translated "life." one means basically...alive. not dead. a living, breathing organism. but the other, "zoy" or "zoi" means "life with God," or "the life that God gives." (you Greek scholars feel free to correct me if the websites were totally lying to me ;)) but, i actually went to a website that had a Greek Bible you could look up passages in and read. if you can read Greek. i found john 1:4 (the "in Him was life..." one), and there it was--"zoi." except it was in Greek. zeta psi eta, actually :).
but, all that to say, the concept has been literally LIFE-altering for me. and i hope it continues to be. and if i ever get a tattoo, that is what it will be. the Greek word for life. those three Greek letters. i can't think of anything i would rather have permanently inscribed on my skin than that which has been permanently inscribed in my heart, soul, and mind :).
anyways. don't know why i'm up this late. but i'm thinking a lot. and that's probably why.
love to all :),
~ruthis | | |
| i do not like:
waiting
the death of inspiration by repeated failed attempts
cold
being limited because i've come to the end of my knowledge
being limited by time
being limited by anything out of my control or influence
seeing only now and what i want in the future, and thereby despising the time between
poor health only partially explained and remedied
unanswered questions
blank white pages
not having my own kitty
having neither the time nor the inspiration nor the physical capability to exercise as i want
seeing the brevity of life, and having that realization cause me to despair of working hard at anything "earthly"
less-than-tasty oranges
i do like:
piano music
the dictionary/thesaurus widget on my dashboard
haircuts
planning our wedding
long, honest, thinking talks with curly-haired persons
answered questions
kisses
colors
kitty ears
dresses
feeling truly beautiful for the first time in my life
acoustic guitars
seeing his smiles, especially when i caused them
people buying things off our registry
finding inspirition through unexpected success
watching/listening to little kids
the fact that simply talking to God forces me to admit/acknowledge exactly what i think, feel, see, and want
my newly-acquired self-confidence
having seen flogging molly :D
impending spring
graphic designing. even when i hate it.
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| my feet are numb.
i can't feel the floor with my bare feet.
my heels are throbbing.
my knee is throbbing.
my legs are wobbly.
...all because of wearing my high-heeled shoes.
heels that fit just fine.
heels that everyone else seems to wear with no such difficulties.
heels that bespeak a capable, confident, well-dressed businesswoman.
heels that i want to shred in a million pieces.
i cannot, i repeat canNOT stand my management class.
it's so completely hopeless.
the assignments--you have to complete them with absolute perfection in every possible way.
but...when there are errors and imperfections and unclear instructions in the directions and questions, that becomes rather impossible to accomplish.
and when the professor is unwilling to accept that something unclear or imperfect in his own assignments, quizzes, or tests, or in the textbook's assignments, quizzes, or tests is an excuse for a "wrong" answer, there's not a whole lot you can do.
you can't win.
i have lots of new clothes.
and i like them :).
2 months, 29 days till graduation.
:D
love to all!
~ruthis ;) | | |
| trippyyy...when i got engaged over two months ago (geez!), i wondered how long it would take before it really started to hit me that i'm getting married to josh...
because i think very analytically. looking at things comparatively. fitting things together. taking all the facts, thoughts, emotions, feelings, and responses of myself and josh and other people in all kinds of related situations and circumstances and lining them up next to each other. then, taking a step back and looking at all of it. letting all of it sink in, revelling in the epiphanies, the discoveries about myself, josh, our relationship, and what our future will look like...
all of this takes time.
lots of time.
but i've officially reached the "sinking in" part. i'm having epiphanies right and left. discoveries galore.
and it's awesome :).
seriously awesome.
four months, two weeks, and five days...
(my thinking is also extremely time-oriented ;).)
in other news, i've been recently overwhelmed by the love of some people i haven't talked to in awhile.
...i naturally think that if i don't keep up relationships with people, they will lose interest eventually.
i have little faith in people, apparently.
because i'm always surprised and overwhelmed by displays of their genuine love and interest in me as a person.
God knows me so well...because i didn't know it, but i really, really needed to see and be encouraged by the love of people.
and He gave me what i needed in abundance :).
He's so good.
...now i just have to find time to sit down and respond to the emails, facebook messages, and catch-up date invitations...:P
anyway.
i'm happy.
more than happy...i'm content.
mentally and spiritually, if not physically, resting.
at least for the moment :P. yayy turbulent youth ;).
love to all!
~ruthis ;)
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| simple?"there is no fear in love."
"...love always trusts..."
not so simple :).
God, help us...
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